Would you sleep train in this situation?

I need advice from you wise amothers. My daughter is two years old. She sleeps in my bed and it takes up to two hours of me laying in bed with her for her to fall asleep. I attempted the no cry sleep solution a long time ago, but wasn't successful. My husband, who is very controling and doesnt allow me to let her cry at all, is away for a week. My mom keeps telling me this is an opportune time to teach her to sleep in her crib by letting her cry it out. The prob is, I will be home for three nights, then by my mother for three nights ( yom tov) and then home again for three nights before he gets back. Is this enough time that it's worth it? I feel terrible letting her cry, but I so badly want to sleep in peace. Advice pls. ( and yes, I know I should solve the control problems, I am working on it.)

Diamond Member Joined: May 10 2010 Posts: 3006

I don't think it's a good idea to sleep-train her at a time when you know that you will be moving around. It could be very unsettling for her. Additionally, she is probably being affected by the atmosphere in your home due to the control issues and sleeping in your bed may provide her with some security that she needs. Does anyone know if it's possible to sleep-train a kid to sleep in your bed? Like, maybe you can train her to fall asleep in your bed without you laying next to her, maybe if you sit on the bed, then sit on a chair right next to the bed, and keep moving a drop further from her?

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7634

I agree that sleep training when a child is not in a consistent, familiar, secure environment is a bad idea.

I don't blame you for needing a better solution. There are sleep training methods that are more gentle and involve minimal crying, without full blown CIO. I would try that first. anonymrs have one good example. Are you planning to keep her in your bed, or move her to her own? If you're transitioning to her own bed now, sleep with her there a couple of nights before starting the process.

Posted: Tue, May 22 2012, 9:42 am Post subject:

Sleep training while away from home isn't the greatest idea. Kids' schedules are always disrupted when they're away from home.

If it takes 2 hours for her to fall asleep I'd say she's just not tired when she goes into bed, or else the environment is too stimulating. Cut out her afternoon nap if she still has one. Wait for cues that she's tired (yawning, rubbing eyes, kvetchiness) and then do the bedtime routine. Try to make environment as least stimulating as possible - talk in a low voice, lights dimmed, house quiet or a noise machine to drown out noise.
I can't support sleep training because I don't believe in it as a long-term solution, only a short-term one.
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Posted: Tue, May 22 2012, 9:48 am Post subject:

And I'll add that my DD is 2 and she just transitioned to a regular bed b'h. (It was her own idea! Lol I wasn't even going to try for a few more months.) I think 2 is too old for a crib, especially since she's had the freedom of mommys bed until now.

I also think your mom should stop encouraging you to do things behind your DH back.

Executive Member Joined: Oct 28 2011 Posts: 418

I would also not sleep train in a new place. It can take my son an hr to fall asleep and that's crazy so I don't know how you do it. What helps is when my husband puts him to sleep. takes a lot shorter. ? If you put her to sleep in her bed it might be shorter.

thanks everyone for your input. Cutting out her nap made no difference, and even when I know for sure she is tired, she can take forever to settle down. This may be my chance to do it which may not come again soon. My biggest concern is the inconsistency problem when I go to my mother's house. For those with experience with cio, how long did it take? If she's still crying when husband gets back, I'll have big problems. ( and ftr, my mom almost never interferes, pls dont bash her.)

Gold Member Joined: Jul 02 2010 Posts: 1416

2 year olds are really tough to get to sleep.
I co-sleep w. my 2.5 year old, and a few months ago, it took forever to get him to sleep. He would say he's tired, but then just not sleep.

So there are basically 2 gentle approaches I can recommend from my own experience:

1. When you see your child is good and tired, lie in a DARK room w. her, just lie quietly next to her. Hopefully she'll stop chattering and settle down soon (don't respond to all her conversations, just say "eema's sleeping") (and you may fall asleep too...enjoy!)

2. Ignore her. I don't mean in a callous way, just go about your business - cooking, working on the computer, doing chores, reading, and let her be. When she's tired, she'll fall asleep (our ds would fall asleep on the floor of the living room, eventually. Or, when you see she's finally tired, go to #1.

Both these approaches can take time, but they also take the least amount of emotional energy, IME.

op here. I ended up moving her crib out of my room, and was surprised that she's quite willing to sleep in it. The first night she cried a lot as she tried to fall asleep, and also in middle of the night when she woke up. I stayed next to her till she fell asleep. Tonight she barely cried, but is once again up for an hr so far in middle of the night, just not falling asleep even with me sitting next to her. I see its getting better but its so hard to be up in middle of the night. I am not used to this! Pls encourage me to stick it out!

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 21 2009 Posts: 3155

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 21 2009 Posts: 3155

thanks for the advice. For personal reasons, it had to be done now. She has been up for close to two hours and just isnt going to sleep. I walked out and she is screaming. Im just going to have to do cio in middle of the night, there's just no other way.

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 21 2009 Posts: 3155

Maybe try buying her her own bed or a toddler bed. You can let her help you pick out bedding or stuffed toys or pillows. If you make it like a party, so special new bed party. You can lie with her when she's really tiered or sit next to her. When she wakes up you can walk her back to her bed and stay with her till she falls asleep. This is an exhausting process, but it has worked for me. Truth is I probably wouldn't have done it, but the next one was coming and I needed room in my bed. Also you can try a crib mattress on the floor next to your bed. Here are some solutions but if your desperate put her in the crib and put on some earphones. I've been in ur situation a few times, its rough, good luck,hugs..

op here. She ended up falling asleep within five minutes of my leaving the room! Maybe my presence is stimulating to her? I think I'm going to sit with her the first time, but not when she wakes up in middle of the night. I cant decide if I should totally ignore her or go in just once to reassure her and then leave?

so any advice for tonight?