Buying house doesn't mean being rich

BH we were able to buy a house and it spread like wild fire in our community. Now while its nice to get mazel tov, I dont like pp's attitude and questions: ohh how nice, ohh how many bedrooms/bathrooms, ohh wow everybrand new you're so lucky ect.... now im getting comments like that from everyone and im a very personal person, I dont ask question, if pp want to share info fine but I dont go asking. While I understand it is also a cultural thing I dont appreciate its like pp are gonna ask us how much we paid for our house. WHO CARES ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!

but if only it was this, pp think we have money because we bought a house, and when I say im going to sell staff we dont use/need pp just tell me/expect me to just give it away!!! well for the record if im selling it it mean I NEED the money.
I constantly feel I have to justify myself as to why we bought a house well 1) our apt was too small, 2) it became health issues with me physically and mentally ( mold in apt and I have asthma since we moved im on a puffer now, crazy psych neighboors) 3) it was a very good opportunity as in the house is worth more than we pay for and basically we end up paying the same mortgage amount than our rent....
so why do I feel I need to tell pp this, why cant they just be happy and stop thinking we have money bec we dont. my son is begging me to send him to camp but even a backyard camp we cant afford and I've been looking for a job for 1.5yrs and if I dont find soon I cant send my kids to school next yr... and we have a super strick budget but yeah pp dont know that all they see is the outside.

sorry for long vent but I feel I cant talk to anyone and DH tells me this phase is going to go away but meanwhile pp are starting to charge me money for things they were not before (since they know we bought a house) and sil made a huge scandal bec she was interested in our ac unit...she thought we were gonna give it to her fro free when she knew we wanted to sell them

Many buyers buy on 25, 30... up to 50(!!!) years. It definitely doesn't mean being rich.
OOT houses also are less expensive than city apartments.
_________________

"You will have many many children and make successful shidduchim beh", rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
"It's all cultural, disagree respectfully", me

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7584

It does mean you had enough saved up for a down payment, but that's about it. Don't take it personally, ppl tend be yentish.

(((hugs))))))))
I'm sorry for what you are going through.
Try to sell your items through craigslist, to non-jews. I find that selling your things to neighbors and friends is very awkward.
I once tried to sell my used toddler bed to my sil who said she needed one. she said she would take it if I was giving it away but for $50 (half the cost of a brand new one, and it was in great condition) she wouldnt buy it.
so she went and bought one brandnew, and I still have mine. I ended up deciding to keep it.
it was so silly. and it made me feel like such a cheapskate that I didnt want to give it away for free.
I would never do that again.

I'm sorry for what you're going through, I don't know why some people feel the need to be in other people's business all the time!

There are few people who can afford EVERYTHING. Buying a house means you saved up enough for a down payment, it doesn't mean you go on expensive holidays, pay a fortune in school fees, wear designer clothes, eat out every night and with all the money left over you put a deposit on a house. Noone knows what decisions you made and what you gave up in order to have enough for a down payment.

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 11 2004 Posts: 19241

Moderator Joined: Jun 05 2011 Posts: 3372

Where do you live? Who are your friends? On second thought, don't answer! They must be very young or naive about how finances work.

My friends and I all went through this stage after buying our house - no money to furnish it, or even buy window-shades for quite some time! The mortgage was higher than our rent, the moving expenses added up, and we depleted our entire savings account, so any small expense like fixing the car had to come out of our salaries- which left us with even less money!
_________________
Visit HelpEllen.com whenever you shop at Amazon.com!

~complimentary ad for being a mod:)

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7584

Posted: Wed, May 16 2012, 3:12 pm Post subject:

To echo what T and P said, we are actually poorer now that we bought a house, if you count 'rich' in terms of spending money. Our mortgage is higher than our rent was, the expenses added up to a lot more than we thought they would and our savings account is empty. So we're living paycheck to paycheck, and without the cushion of a full savings account. (And without curtains, light fixtures, and some other things.)

People do seem to think that if someone could afford to buy a house they must have loads more money. Sometimes true, but not always.

Silver Member Joined: Jan 09 2011 Posts: 891

first of all- mazel tov! thats wonderful!

second of all- my feeling is that people's comments come from a lot of different places....while some are generally thrilled for you and maybe a tad too curious, others may be jealous of you and hope that the answers to their questions will prove that you are in a lower position in life financially than they are.

I think the best attitude to have is to stay true to yourself. remain private if thats who you are. when someone asks a personal question say with a smile "we are just thrilled with our home but would rather not share information about ____, thank you so much for your good wishes!" dont give it any more thought and focus on enjoying your home- that is how you will be happiest!

just to add- I understand what you must be going thru. recently a neighbor of ours purchased her first home. another neighbor called me and told me about it and then said - how were they able to afford such a thing? im shocked that they bought such a big house!- I was kind of disgusted by that comment and I know that this woman is really nice and probably didnt mean anything mean by it but golly...some people really donmt know when to stop thinking so much about others and counting other's money...I hate that.

Platinum Member Joined: Jun 30 2009 Posts: 8228

I guess it does mean that you were able to afford the down-payment.

Op here
Thank you for your replies.
While it is true about the down what tells one person how we acquired it! It could have been an inheritance, wedding money, parents helping , borrowing money from parents. Even that I feel the need to justify, and even then I hate doing it because really who cares but pp stare and I can't stand it. Also it's ok for them to buy a house much bigger than but I can't. I'm suppose to stay in. Bad situation !?
Pp right out said they were Jaleous and BH BH BH they have much more than me as in BH everybody works ect... While I've been begging pp for a job. Even the dollar store doesn't call me back bec I'm overqualified!!
I guess I have to take a step back and ignore the comments but I'm sensitive to theses things and feel reluctance having pp one see our new home for fear of more comments Confused

In this awful economy more and more buy without a downpayment, too...

I don't own a house, but I never heard of anyone not putting down any downpayment. infact I don't think you can do anything with out putting down a minumum of %15 (and most put a lot more then that).

I dont know where you live but its hard to imagine people are as rude as you are describing, do you think you are being sensative and picking up on things more and people are just being the way they always were but you for some reason feel like others are looking at you differently???

I don't own a house, but I never heard of anyone not putting down any downpayment. infact I don't think you can do anything with out putting down a minumum of %15 (and most put a lot more then that).

I dont know where you live but its hard to imagine people are as rude as you are describing, do you think you are being sensative and picking up on things more and people are just being the way they always were but you for some reason feel like others are looking at you differently???

Asking the price is gauche. Asking about the size of the house is perfectly normal real-estate talk, at least in New York where many of us live in converted closets.

Also, please don't take this the wrong way (I also currently hate where I'm living, and will be moving to a space 1/4th the size and I, too, had health problems as a result of the living environment eg asthma from mold):

You do realize that if you have money for the downpayment or mortgage, you clearly have more money than those of us who will be perpetual renters?? Over time, you and I may have the same amount of money, but you currently have more than others if you have a "nest egg" and saved money vs living paycheck to paycheck...

Money aside, I think the bigger issue here is your encounters with people lacking boundaries. You should only answer questions you feel comfortable answering.

Diamond Member Joined: Feb 28 2010 Posts: 4861

getting an inheritance or loads of wedding gifts does not mean poor. Poor people don't get lots of wedding gifts.

Anyway, enjoy your house, and hatzlacha with finding a job. But realise that there are many people who can only dream of being able to buy a house.

Diamond Member Joined: Apr 29 2006 Posts: 4772

buying a house doesn't mean you are rich or that you ever were. It means you have enough money to put down (regardless how you got it, it's more than a lot of other people), and enough to meet a mortgage.
I think what you're saying is that it does not mean you dont have to budget or spend carefully. It might mean all your income is spoken for but I don't think that counts as poor.
The real issue is that this is none of anyones business, normal people would be happy for you the others are just jealous. Unless of course this is socially acceptable conversation where you live.
_________________
"But it's no use going back to yesterday, I was a different person then"- Alice in Wonderland

Gold Member Joined: Mar 23 2007 Posts: 1874 Location: NY

Maybe their eyebrows are raised because they know you're jobhunting and living simply so they wonder where the money came from to buy the house. Some would not have made that move given your situation.
_________________
I'm not the popular Mama Bear. I'm "the other one."