My 5yr old makes me cry!

Posted: Sun, May 13 2012, 8:57 pm Post subject: My 5yr old makes me cry!

My dd is so incredibly frustrating that I am at my wits end with her! This is more of a vent than looking for advice, because I've tried so many different things, I am just waiting for her to grow up and out of these habits. She doesn't lift a finger, whether it's cleaning her toys, putting away her clothes, "cleaning" the bathroom after her bath, taking her plate away from the table, etc. She refuses to do anything or go anywhere alone, even to the bathroom!! She needs me, dh or one of the other kids to go with her. She screeches at anyone who crosses her, even slightly, like when someone else gets a turn in a game before her, and nothing I say or do makes her stop, so she gets sent to time out. Which makes her go crazy, screaming, kicking the walls, totally irrational (sounds like a silly thing to say about a 5 yr old) to the point where I can't even talk to her to calm her enough to finish her time out. So time out usually makes things worse, but I can't leave her in whatever situation she is currently having a meltdown in, I can't remove my self without taking two babies with me and worrying about the other kids who are 6 and 3. I know the probable cause is she needs more one on one time and more affectionate attention because she can be really sweet, literally shines when she's doing something with me or dh, is very cuddly and loves to please. But I REALLY don't even want to look at her! It takes so much energy to treat her like the other kids and not always be anxious and short with her, I can't find the energy to be extra sweet to her. I know in the long run it'll be better for both of us, but..........and I'm 9 months pregnant, bh, so everything takes more energy than usual. I love my kids and love having them around and being their Mommy, I just need her to grow up quicker! I need a vacation.

Beginner Joined: Aug 01 2010 Posts: 5

has your dd ever been evaluated thru the school system for services?is she having any difficulty in school?

Posted: Sun, May 13 2012, 10:15 pm Post subject: re: My 5yr old makes me cry!

Posts like this make me so sad. I have one dd that had similar behavior patterns when she was younger and being either pregnant or nursing all the time with older and younger kids made it very difficult to pay a lot of individual attention to her. That's all she really needed. It wasn't fair that I wished for her to grow up, too, when all she was doing was being a kid for a while longer. I felt bad at the time and even worse now for her having lost out this way just because I chose to have such a busy house with so many other kids.

Posted: Sun, May 13 2012, 10:28 pm Post subject: re: My 5yr old makes me cry!

Hello, amother

Everything should be bshah tova

I notice that you are bH in your 9th month. Have things escalated now -gotten worse at this time?

You mention carrying 2 other babies and also a 3 and 6 year old.

BH how many and what ages are all your children?

And do you mind saying where you live?

Feel free to PM me.

Bracha

Posted: Sun, May 13 2012, 10:40 pm Post subject: re: My 5yr old makes me cry!

I can't help responding even though you said you are not looking for advice. Really, you are of course - you just don't want to hear things you heard before.

I have a son (6 yrs. old) who sounds very much like your DD. I have also tried so many different things - and believe that he is craving attention. I have taken parenting courses and did not find that I could put things into place with this particular child. Recently I have spoken to a woman and this is the first time I see results with my sons behavior and how we are interacting. Her name is Mrs. Shaindel Cohen from Lakewood. I recommend that you speak with her as your DD sounds like she will benefit (and so will you!). My household was being run by my 6 yr. old until recently. Things are a little better now and I hope they will continue to improve. Hatzlocha!

Posted: Sun, May 13 2012, 10:47 pm Post subject: re: My 5yr old makes me cry!

I feel like I could've written this word for word exactly! I understand ur frustration and anger in addition to the guilt of not spending individual quality time w her! all I can say is good luck and try to focus and cherish those special moments when you really see her special, sweet, cute qualities!!

Posted: Mon, May 14 2012, 6:27 pm Post subject: re: My 5yr old makes me cry!

Being a mommy of a 5 yr old DD & a now a 2 week old newborn as well I must say, IMHO you are expected WAAAAY to much from this little girl!!

She's 5 for heaven's sake. It not her fault that she has little sibs that make mommy's life so busy! I wouldnt dream of asking DD to clean the bathroom after the baths & I would cheer & give her a nachas ride if she remembers to put her towel in the laundry!

Posted: Mon, May 14 2012, 6:32 pm Post subject: re: My 5yr old makes me cry!

As far as I see, its not about your 5 year old & her misbehavior. its about a very overwhelmed overtired overworked mommy of a bunch of little ones & one on the way very soon. Yes you need to get away your last sentence shouldve been your title.

Make sure to take a good two weeks off after the baby & give 5 yr old a chance to be by a relative she loves and trusts. It'll give both of you a healthy break.

Moderator Joined: Mar 29 2005 Posts: 18276

You're not looking for advice, I know, and I can commiserate with you. But honestly I've been through this and have made it to the end if you want to know it can be done. If not, don't read this post. If you want to know what worked for me, continue Smile

I know you have no energy to give her attention because she constantly is demanding it from you. The trick is to give her attention on your own initiative and then wean her off the attention she is demanding.

If you can't give her attention throughout the day so much, you may want to try having a special block of time that is over and beyond what your children normally get. You can do this for a bit and gradually let it go.

While you do that, you need to set firm limits about what is acceptable in her demands/whining and ignore the rest. "Ok, I'll go with you to the bathroom one time and that's it for today. Would you prefer now or later?"

She'll test you and it will get worse before it gets better, but it will get better if you are consistent with this. BTDT.
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Posted: Mon, May 14 2012, 11:03 pm Post subject: re: My 5yr old makes me cry!

How does Mrs. Shaindel Cohen work? do you have to get an appt? can I just call her up? what does she charge?

Posted: Mon, May 14 2012, 11:13 pm Post subject: re: My 5yr old makes me cry!

Chayalle,

Would you be able to share with us some of these parenting techniques??

Thanks!

Posted: Mon, May 14 2012, 11:18 pm Post subject: re: My 5yr old makes me cry!

I am the one who posted about Shaindel Cohen. It's funny - but I also met with Mrs. Trenk. She was VERY good but I was not making long term progress with my challenging son. I have recently met with Shaindel Cohen and there is already a BIG difference so if your daughter is similar to my son I would suggest that you call her. You can speak on the phone or in person. It was expensive but well worth it and she went waaay overtime without rushing and even asked that we call her with questions and follow up.