Nice bottle of wine unopened

Active Poster Joined: Jun 21 2009 Posts: 80

So this has been happening a lot lately and becoming a petpeeeve of DH and mine. He is into wine and always tries to bring a special bottle when we go out for a meal as a guest. Hell spend 15-25 on a bottle depending and a lot of times is excited about his choice only to find that they do not open the bottle at the meal and instead open what they already had. Do you guys make it a point to open a bottle of wine your guests bring while they are there? We almost always do (unless it's somehow the same bottle of wine we have opened on the table and even then DH wil try to open guests bottle as well if there's a few people at table) just curious if this is something other ppl have experienced?

Silver Member Joined: Feb 14 2010 Posts: 612

We usually open the bottle that was brought.
In my experience, most people don't appreciate expensive, dry wines. Bring the expensive bottle if you know the host is a gourmet.

Silver Member Joined: Nov 18 2008 Posts: 592

We open the bottle of wine by the table. But when we give a bottle of wine to our host I find sometimes they open it up but most people put it away. I find the people that put it away usually drink cheaper wine by their table.

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7679

We always open the bottle that was brought. And people usually open ours. Embarrassing story: my dh recently bought a bunch of bottles of wine. Most of them were kind of so so, nothing special. Last week we had guests over and my husband commented after kiddush that he liked the wine. I immediately piped up with "I don't!" assuming it was another one of those bottles. Well, it turns out the guests had brought it, I just hadn't seen them give it to my dh. Oops!

Silver Member Joined: Mar 26 2009 Posts: 947

If you're bringing something for the particular meal you're coming for- you need to clear that with your hosts in advance.

If it's a gift- they can do whatever they want with it.

I once had someone show up with a fancy yummy dessert, to a meal where I had already MADE dessert.
I didn't serve the dessert that the guest brought. If she had told me in advance, I'd have been more than happy not to make anything and to use hers!

Posted: Thu, May 10 2012, 4:42 am Post subject: re: Nice bottle of wine unopened

I often serve a choice of dessert.

But, with wine, often guests bring us wine which is not mevushal, and we are very often not able to use it then.

Silver Member Joined: Mar 26 2009 Posts: 947

Gold Member Joined: Jan 03 2011 Posts: 1503

Silver Member Joined: Mar 26 2009 Posts: 947

I think it's rude to bring something that was not requested or cleared in advance and EXPECT it to be served.

And in my case, I really don't think my guests did. They brought something they knew we liked and just wanted us to enjoy it- whenever.
I often bring cookies or brownies when we go out for a meal and always say- "It's for you to enjoy, whenever you want to".

Why all the expectations?

Posted: Thu, May 10 2012, 5:25 am Post subject: re: Nice bottle of wine unopened

If you bring it to drink yourself, is it really a gift?

When we get a nice wine and DH is excited about it he puts it away for yom tov. We don't go through a whole bottle of wine any shabbos, it takes a month or more since we use grape juice for kiddush, so if we have a bottle of wine open we certainly aren't opening another bottle. Most of both of them would end up being wasted. Wine doesn't like sitting open for months.

If you want a good wine to drink, bring it and say so, but don't call it a hostess gift.
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Posted: Thu, May 10 2012, 5:25 am Post subject: re: Nice bottle of wine unopened

I've been guilty of this. We are not wine drinkers, so usually dh makes kiddush on grape juice or kiddush wine. We mean to open the wine at the meal, we just forget. Same with dessert. Sometimes a guest will bring me something, I sit it in the kitchen, and when I serve dessert I just forget.

I also agree unless you know the person drinks wine, don't bring it. When we forget to serve the wine, it usually sits in our pantry until we are asked out and then we bring it, or we have a family we know we appreciate it.
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Silver Member Joined: Mar 26 2009 Posts: 947

Gold Member Joined: Aug 24 2010 Posts: 1496

We usually have bachurim, and they just bring their appetites Very Happy

But when I was single, we often had people bring wine, and we often did not open it for a number of reasons:

1) My parents are very careful about what hashgachos they use. Often, fancy wines come with fancy hechsherim that my father will research before using.

2) My mother does not like having a bunch of bottles of wines with one more serving left in the fridge. So before my father will open another bottle, he will finish the little that he has left. That means that if you come Friday night, he will use the cold wine that he has in the fridge to please my mother (before the room temperature wine that you brought to please you.)

Silver Member Joined: Mar 26 2009 Posts: 947

And I didn't realize people are always bringing (wine, chocolate, cake etc.) for the specific meal.

I thought it was a gift.

Gold Member Joined: Jan 03 2011 Posts: 1503

Gold Member Joined: Aug 24 2010 Posts: 1496

If it's not a gift, but rather a contribution to the meal, ASK the hostess what she would like you to contribute. It's been more than a bit annoying when people show up with a kugel or dessert or whatever without asking first - I don't need your contribution to the meal, but if you're going to contribute, let it be something appreciated - if you ask me ahead of time, sure, go ahead, make the dessert, and I'll have one less thing to do. It's not helpful to bring something unnecessary.

Yes, you can say, okay, so we'll serve two desserts, or two kugels, but all that means is that there's too much of both, and you end up wasting food.

If you think wine is something that is different than food... but when you bring it, instead of saying "Thanks for having us, this is for you" and handing me the wine (meaning - this is a gift) say "I brought this for the meal - I think you'll like it."