14-Year-Old DS About to Be Kicked Out of Yeshiva-WWYD?

This is not your usual misdemeanor. DS learns, has yiras Shomayim and AFAIK isn't chasing girls, smoking or on drugs.

What he did was call the police late last night from a public phone and said that an Arab had ch'v gotten into the dorm and was stabbing bochurim. Of course, the police, ambulances, etc, turned up and found it was all a "joke" that was not funny. Now ds is in terrible trouble and about to be sent home. I only found out about this ten minutes ago when his rosh yeshiva called. The rosh yeshiva wants me to take ds to the police and tell them he did it. But though I am against what ds did, unless they're looking for the culprit I'm in no hurry.

I said to the rosh yeshiva that ds is an idiot - but he's very young and to throw him out now for this could mean the end of his yeshiva career. I know it was wrong, but should he mess up his whole life for something so stupid?

DS hasn't called me. I assume he's on his way home.

I dont dare tell his father (we're divorced and though we talk, it's not great).

I don't know what to say to him when he gets home.

Any advice or chizzuk will be welcome. And yes I know my ds is an irresponsible idiot seeking attention. Please don't rub it in.

I would probably have him seek counseling. Either this is a cry for help, in which case he could use counseling, or this is a prank, which is an altogether inappropriate prank for a 14 year old. Most 14 year olds would be aware of the effect of such a prank (and you don't mention that he's delayed at all) so at the very least, he could probably benefit from social guidance. I'm not trying to make you feel bad about him at all, and I don't know if punishment at this point is going to yield a lot of results since he's already being penalized by the school, but he really needs to understand cause and effect of his actions or, if it's a cry for help, be heard.
Actually, you should probably consult a professional who deals with young teens before taking any action with your son. She'll probably offer you better guidance than anyone here can.
In the meantime, Hug

and good luck!

it sounds to me that this is a one-time occurance, not a sign of anything deep and untoward going on. I am for him going to the police to own up - he's old enough to face the repercussions of his actions - I don't think they'll do much to him there but it will be scary. and possibly a short suspension from his yeshiva - I hope they're not throwing him out for good for this??
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That's what is so strange. He has a very high IQ. I also think he is seeking attention. And I have wanted him to do therapy for some time for his authority issues. But he refuses to do it. And when he was younger and did therapy, he was most uncooperative. He'll probably be worse now. But you're right. I wonder if this could be the catalyst.

I think they might throw him out for good. At Chanukah, I was begging them not to throw him out because he had "authority" issues, rather than yiras shomayim ones. He wouldn't obey the rules of Seder and was very defiant. But then he settled down and things were much better. So now that this has happened, they are at the end of their rope with him. And it doesn't look good.

Has he been expelled or suspended?

I think this might be the opportunity everyone needs to get you son into counselling whether he likes it or not.
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They said they'll let me know if it's expulsion or suspension, but it doesn't look good.

that sounds different - "authority" issues are definitely a call for therapy - would he be more agreeable to it if it was a condition to him staying in yeshiva? (would they agree?)

I don't know - I can use that to try to plead his case when they get back to me.

I would try and cooperate with the yeshiva as much as possible.

If the RY wants him to go to the police, he should. It will also teach him a lesson of the seriousness of what he did without needing to be thrown out of yeshiva to get that lesson. Look, as an outsider he wasted thousands of shekels of taxpayers' money - it really is serious. And what if there would have been a genuine emergency at the same time and everyone would have been busy with this?

Talk to the yeshiva and beg that he be allowed to stay and say you will work with them that he should learn to listen to authority - whether it's counselling, punishments whatever. But IMHO as soon as someone gets thrown out (assuming the yeshiva is the right level for him learning wise etc.) it can only lead to negative results.

If the RY says to go to the police, and you say you support your ds not going, you are basically giving the message that you support him flouting the RY's authority - not good. You want to show the yeshiva you are working together to get your son on the right track.

b'hatzlacha and keep davenning. Tefillos can change everything!
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Professional Hebrew>English translations - pm me for details.
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Now the story gets a bit clearer. DS called me now - it was a group of them that did it and he wasn't necessarily the ringleader, but he was the oldest of them though not by much. He has told his father, and he says it might be a suspension now as he has expressed sincere regret. We'll only know on Sunday ...

Ouch. Sorry you have to deal with this. Good that he told his father on his own.

The problem (for which I do not have an answer) is that he could definitely benefit from therapy but while you may be able to drag a 14 year old to a therapist you cannot make him talk. If he was resistant when younger, it's likely he'll be resistant now.

I hate suspension as a punishment because basically all it does is give them a vacation. All the boys involved should be given some kind of community service job to do - wash the yeshiva windows, help some old people with their shopping, I don't know something useful that they don't want to do as opposed to just staying home for a few days. Also written apologies to the Rosh Yeshiva.

I feel your pain. Stay strong.

I think that accompanying him to the police will help teach him personal integrity, besides submission to authority.

My concern isn't the Yeshiva, but state (or federal!) charges that can stem from calling in such an incident. Anybody here can give you the parenting advice and a recommendation of a new yeshiva, but if I were you, consult a lawyer. Going to the police to own up to a supposed threat of this magnitude can only result in charges...it's not like you're bringing him back to Mr. Hooper's cornerstore after stealing a candy bar.

Seriously. Getting kicked out of a Yeshiva pales in comparison. Please ask a lawyer and stay away from volunteering yourself to the police. (Or do any of the lawyers on here agree/disagree?)

I think these boys need to have someone from Mercaz HaRav come in and talk about the attack there so give them all an idea of the seriousness of what they did.

Now it gets more serious.

It seems it started as a silly game to see how long it would take to get the police to come. So they called up and said they saw a thief and that didn't work until they hit upon the nastiest, most serious thing they could think of. DS was the ringleader and teh RY says he has to go to the police because otherwise the yeshiva will have to pay a heavy fine for wasting police time.

The RY says that as DS is a minor he probably won't get charged. I'm now worried that I'll have to pay the fine and that's no joke, though I'd understand why I might have to.

Now how am I supposd to leave a house of kids on erev Shabbos to that, especially as DS isn't even home yet and has no cell phone for me to reach him on????

Omigosh! Hugs to you, OP!

I echo those that say not to go to the police today. Even if they tell the yeshiva to pay a fine, it's not happening TODAY or even on Sunday. My husband is very well versed in all legal things even though he's not a lawyer. I can ask his advice but he's out for the next few hours. One thing is for sure - he's always against running out THIS SECOND and doing something.
I really feel for you.
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�All that is thought should not be said. All that is said should not be written. All that is written should not be published. All that is published should not be read.�
Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotzk

Please ask him. My lawyer is not answering my phone calls and I am really worried about this.

Thanks!