CHUMROS!! If men had to do the cooking....

If men had to do the cooking for pesach 90% of chumros would disappear!!

I understand certain minhagim-ie not eating fish (stored with chametz), kitniyos, or peeling vegetables.
However I was speaking to someone last night who says her husband does not let her use sweet potatoes because most probably they didn't use it in the heim but potatoes she uses. In the conversation she mentioned she is lucky because years ago her FIL started using milk and butter so he wouldn't be fleishig and he can have coffee (did they use that in the heim?) so now she can use milk. When it is convenient for the man a chumra disappears. These men aren't cooking for 8 days with only chicken, meat, potatoes, onions, apples, carrots and shmaltz.
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HAPPY12

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 12 2009 Posts: 13203

Maybe I shouldn't contribute because we don't have these minhagim. It seems to me that there should be some ground rules. As hard work as it all is, there should be some simcha and excitement. I was talking to someone with chassidishe hanhagos and it was very bracing to hear how her kids enjoy helping, look forward to juicing, etc. Sure, little kids become surly teens (not to you, if you're reading this Razz

) but at least if that happens, the parents can remind them, yes it's hard, but you should have the happy memories that will help you understand why we still continue.
Besides the atmosphere (and if it takes extra cleaning help, appliances, conveniences etc. to help create it, that has to be built in), there should be a clear understanding that unless one is himself a posek, there is NOTHING to be added to your mesorah without consulting a rav who is part of the same mesorah. I really hesitate to say this, because ch"v I should mess up anyone's shalom bayis, but I think that this is really important.
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Platinum Member Joined: Mar 12 2009 Posts: 13203

Oops. Not sure why only the OP is appearing so I can't edit, but I see that this wasn't OP's husband. So now I can say the second paragraph in good conscience. Now if you want to broach this to your friend, I'm sure you have the chochma to do it appropriately.

My husband is not the one with these chumros. We do peel veg. and fruit because of wax and chometz but other than gebroktz I use everything. This lady was someone I met not a friend who was complaining how hard it was- but I still can't get over the fact that for coffee what was done in the heim doesn't count.

I am not saying people should give up their minhagim and for example -eat gebrokts. I just can't figure out the difference between using sweet potatoes and potatoes. I guarentee that if sweet potoatoes were available 100 years ago it would have been eaten on pesach. Even my parents who are very machmir (my father is the king of chumros) allows anything that is peeled (even tomatoes if you peel them). Nothing that was not homemade was allowed into the house. However there was plenty to eat and Pesach was the favorite yomtov at home.

My point is adding on extra chumros makes it hard for the ones doing the cooking- If men had to cook most chumros (not set minhagim) would disappear.

Moderator Joined: Dec 04 2005 Posts: 6172 Location: israel

well, if the man with the chumros allows for modern-day appliances (juicers, food processors and blenders) to share the load, the problem becomes smaller.
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Pesach tastes special because we do follow our minhagim. B"H this year all of our fruits and vegetables have been peeled as usual, by my husband and kids.

I don't see how not eating sweet potatoes for a week is that big of a deal. We B"H do like them and eat them, but we would just eat more carrots and butternut squash if we didn't. Smile

Now, if you said no onions, and I am pretty sure there are people who don't eat them Pesach, I would be sad and have to come up with all new recipes. Smile

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I imagine that whoever doesn't use sweet potatoes won't use squash either for the same reason, but yes - there are plenty of carrots and different ways to make them BH (btw, I don't know of anyone who doesn't eat onions or carrots - other than allergies??!!!!)

Liba This lady only uses potatoes, onions, carrots, meat, chicken, apples, salt, and shmaltz. She also uses milk and butter thanks to her FIL's need for coffee. In recent years she added olive oil arguing if her FIL can have milk, butter, and coffee she should not be forced to use shmaltz.

I am not poking fun at people's minhagim. I just feel if the man had to do all the cooking the allowed foods would not be so limited. (hey look her FIL gets coffee and milk because he can't live without it- so why shouldn't she be able to use sweet potatoes or pears and oranges for that matter) She doesnt have to break the minhag of gebroktz or not eating fish. Believe me if pears, sweet potatoes, or oranges were available in eastern europe they would have used it on Pesach.

well, the whole point of these minhagim is drawing the line somewhere - I'm glad for her sake that they allowed her reasoning for using olive oil - to me, that makes all the difference and seems much more crucial than squash. (I bet they also eat beets and horseradish as well as wine and grape juice - we call them the 5-vegetable crowd!)

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 18 2005 Posts: 2964

I think there is sometimes a fine line between chumros and need for power/control.

I think most men want life to be as easy as possible for their wives and dont go around adding chumros just for the fun of it. if its a 'real' chumro, they dont let it go just because they want coffee.
I think there are some men out there who are power/control freaks who like to dictate 'chumros' for reasons as mentioned before (what ppl will think of them, political, ocd, the list goes on and on) without regard for their wives. and there are the (hopefully) rare individuals that like to see their wives subservient to their sick need for control.

I think in most cases, even if men were cooking they would still adhere to their minhagim and chumros. in most cases the intent is pure. if intent is pure, most people embrace their chumros (ok, with a bit of kvetching too sometimes). the resentment starts to build when you get the sense that the chumro is not based on a l'sheim shamayim premise.

this said by someone who holds by very few 'extra chumros' on pesach but has close relatives who eat nothing but meat chicken and shmaltz, apples, carrots, onions and potatoes. all peeled obviously.

my husband said all these chumros come from yeshiva. we had a bochur eating with us for a few meals and he had a lot of chumros (more then his parents) No oil, drinking water all bought before pesach, freshly cracked nuts. (he had to break that one for charoses since I didn't have any of those)

I asked him what he was going to do when he got married if his wife did not want to keep all these chumros, and he said he would probably be more lenient then.

I think these things also depend on your stage in life. When I first started making pesach my kids were small and we had lots of guests. Cracking nuts was just not practical. Now my kids are older they could probably do it themselves, but I'm not suggesting it.

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 12 2009 Posts: 13203

Platinum Member Joined: Nov 01 2009 Posts: 8258

Why do you assume that women have to cook?
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Diamond Member Joined: Mar 11 2010 Posts: 3090

If my husband had to cook, it would be just eggs, meat and potatoes all year round Very Happy

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Posted: Wed, Apr 11 2012, 11:44 am Post subject:

One might wonder how potatoes became such a pesach staple, even for people with chumrahs, when they were only introduced to Europeans a few hundred years ago...most likely because they were cheap and readily available to poor people. And because the poor people in Europe couldn't afford much other than potatoes and eggs...what was for them 'no choice' has become for many a chumra/minhag.
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Diamond Member Joined: Oct 26 2009 Posts: 2516