PLEASE HELP. I'm reaching out

Posted: Thu, Apr 05 2012, 8:39 am Post subject: PLEASE HELP. I'm reaching out

I am so tired of talking and dealing but I'm going to give this one last shot. My husband is in finance and can't manage our finances to save his life. He wasn't working for over a year and got let go when I was 8mth. pregnant, so me working was out of the question. Between day school, kosher food and just living, we went into hock very fast. We are both working now but the debt keeps growing. He thinks that we are not earning enough, meanwhile combined we are earning over $100,000. We live in a small apartment and have no luxuries. I buy groceries. I don't do anything for myself. I never have and it's not good as I'm falling apart. My husband wants to file for bankruptcy because we just can't do it anymore. We have been talking about making Aliyah, but that dream may die if he can't leave the country until his bankruptcy pay off is finished. Our oldest is in JK and I wanted to move before she was in 1st grade to make the adjustment better. Now to top it off, I'm pregnant again with #4. I'm feeling such tremendous pressure. My husband has a lot of mental health issues that he won't face. He thinks he has to deal with them all himself and won't seek external help or medication to stabilize his mood. When he gets angry, he buys things. Every little thing he is buying is adding up. I don't want to leave him as I love him and he is a good husband and father. I'm at a loss. Both financially and mentally as to what to do. Please help me.

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 08 2010 Posts: 2535

bankrupcy should be a last resort. what kind of debt do you have? credit card debt with insane interest rates? gemach loans?

"When he gets angry, he buys things. Every little thing he is buying is adding up." This has got to stop. Does your DH agree? If he just can't control himself then he needs to remove the enablers of this spending, I.e., no credit card for him, you keep the check book and ATM card and he only carries the bare minimum cash he would need in an emergency.

Next, have you tried tracking your spending to see if there is anywhere where you can cut down to save money? I know you said you live frugally but perhaps there are expenses that are not obvious that you can cut down on.

Good Luck!
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Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less - Timothy Keller