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| tsiggelle |
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 Posted: Sun, Apr 01 2012, 7:46 am Post subject: re: Happy Endings in Binah |
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there is a childrens magazine, a teens magazine, and a womens magazine.
was this serial not in the womans magazine?
what is the email adress for letters to the editor?
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| abound |
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| Posted: Sun, Apr 01 2012, 7:56 am Post subject: Re: re: Happy Endings in Binah |
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| tsiggelle wrote: | there is a childrens magazine, a teens magazine, and a womens magazine.
was this serial not in the womans magazine?
what is the email adress for letters to the editor? |
Don't be silly, there is no womans magazines. Since every magazine can be read by guys and teenage girls there is nothing that is written with only the adult Jewish woman in mind. It won't change as long as people complain.
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| tsiggelle |
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| Posted: Sun, Apr 01 2012, 8:28 am Post subject: Re: re: Happy Endings in Binah |
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| abound wrote: | | tsiggelle wrote: | there is a childrens magazine, a teens magazine, and a womens magazine.
was this serial not in the womans magazine?
what is the email adress for letters to the editor? |
Don't be silly, there is no womans magazines. Since every magazine can be read by guys and teenage girls there is nothing that is written with only the adult Jewish woman in mind. It won't change as long as people complain. |
I dont think I am being silly, I am just repeating what the editor wrote in reply to one of the letters they recieved about some topic that some complained about
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| abound |
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| Posted: Sun, Apr 01 2012, 8:39 am Post subject: Re: re: Happy Endings in Binah |
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| tsiggelle wrote: | | abound wrote: | | tsiggelle wrote: | there is a childrens magazine, a teens magazine, and a womens magazine.
was this serial not in the womans magazine?
what is the email adress for letters to the editor? |
Don't be silly, there is no womans magazines. Since every magazine can be read by guys and teenage girls there is nothing that is written with only the adult Jewish woman in mind. It won't change as long as people complain. |
I dont think I am being silly, I am just repeating what the editor wrote in reply to one of the letters they recieved about some topic that some complained about |
Ok sorry, I guess nuances and tones can't be detected through writing. I did not mean you are silly- I agree with you 100%. It bothers me a lot that there is not one Jewish magazine that caters to woman that will write something that is only for woman, since others can read it. I think that mothers should have no trouble telling their teenage boys and girls, sorry this is for me only. (Though I can't for the life of me figure out what was bad in the serial that they cannot read!?!)
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| tsiggelle |
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| Posted: Sun, Apr 01 2012, 8:56 am Post subject: Re: re: Happy Endings in Binah |
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| abound wrote: | | tsiggelle wrote: | | abound wrote: | | tsiggelle wrote: | there is a childrens magazine, a teens magazine, and a womens magazine.
was this serial not in the womans magazine?
what is the email adress for letters to the editor? |
Don't be silly, there is no womans magazines. Since every magazine can be read by guys and teenage girls there is nothing that is written with only the adult Jewish woman in mind. It won't change as long as people complain. |
I dont think I am being silly, I am just repeating what the editor wrote in reply to one of the letters they recieved about some topic that some complained about |
Ok sorry, I guess nuances and tones can't be detected through writing. I did not mean you are silly- I agree with you 100%. It bothers me a lot that there is not one Jewish magazine that caters to woman that will write something that is only for woman, since others can read it. I think that mothers should have no trouble telling their teenage boys and girls, sorry this is for me only. (Though I can't for the life of me figure out what was bad in the serial that they cannot read!?!) |
yes, and I thought it was davka beneficial for people to read about these types of struggles, to educate the public, to support those with the problem, and to give them coping skills.
but nobody asked me, neither was I in attendance when they met and decided, so all this is just speculation?
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| Posted: Sun, Apr 01 2012, 9:17 am Post subject: re: Happy Endings in Binah |
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I am personally happy that they ended the serial. The topic was interesting in that many women found themselves relating to Leba to various degrees. However, the author's style of writing is very harsh. Another author could have explored this theme in a more gentle and sensitive way. The Aryeh and Aliza storyline honestly just made me sad, and I felt that it too was overly "in your face" for a family magazine.
Speaking of other authors, I hear that there will be 2 new serials beginning in the Pesach edition. They should both be a great read knowing who the authors are! 
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| PinkFridge |
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| Posted: Sun, Apr 01 2012, 10:31 am Post subject: re: Happy Endings in Binah |
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And there are some women who've been through IF who ultimately have children and join us (occasional) kvetchers. Iy"H by all. Not that we shouldn't daven for the koach of perspective, and work on ourselves, but it's normal. And sometimes a bit excessive. I didn't read the serial from the beginning and am saving last week's Binah for Pesach but this is surprising.
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The righteous praise and honor people for every good quality that is found in them while the wicked seek out faults in others to pull them down, even if they repented those deeds. (Rabbeinu Yonah, from Partners in Kindness)
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| chavamom |
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| Posted: Sun, Apr 01 2012, 2:37 pm Post subject: Re: re: Happy Endings in Binah |
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| zigi wrote: | | tsiggelle wrote: | depression? dating?
I thought it was a womens magazine, not a childrens, or teens. |
it wasn't only depression it was being overwhelmed taking care og kids and not enjoying every minute of it |
^That.
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| chavamom |
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| Posted: Sun, Apr 01 2012, 2:59 pm Post subject: re: Happy Endings in Binah |
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| I think we have a communal denial problem. G0d forbid you admit publicly that you aren't 1000% happy with your lot, having a baby every year and working full-time to keep your husband in kollel. A few of my friends joke openly about this being the "baruch hashem squad".
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| Mama Bear |
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| Posted: Sun, Apr 01 2012, 3:41 pm Post subject: re: Happy Endings in Binah |
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The topic of feeling overwhelmed or bored by parenting is a vvery real one and should have been explored in a better way, not in such a dark serial with harsh half formed thoughts. Guess what, I'm a woman who went through IF and felt even worse than this woman did, and also ended up going for tehrapy and it helped tremendously bh. If I were to write up my experience it wouldn't have been this darkly, ever! I was in tremendous pain, wondering what ws wrong with me that I just wasn't enjoying being a SaHM and wondering why HaShem hadn't given me the tools I need to be a good balabuste/mother. The serial was written too negatively, there didn't seem to be a real reason fofor Leba to be feeling so grouchy and she seems to be really disliking her children.
I just may wite up my experince on day. Not yet.
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| Sherri |
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| Posted: Sun, Apr 01 2012, 4:44 pm Post subject: Re: re: Happy Endings in Binah |
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| Mama Bear wrote: | The topic of feeling overwhelmed or bored by parenting is a vvery real one and should have been explored in a better way, not in such a dark serial with harsh half formed thoughts. Guess what, I'm a woman who went through IF and felt even worse than this woman did, and also ended up going for tehrapy and it helped tremendously bh. If I were to write up my experience it wouldn't have been this darkly, ever! I was in tremendous pain, wondering what ws wrong with me that I just wasn't enjoying being a SaHM and wondering why HaShem hadn't given me the tools I need to be a good balabuste/mother. The serial was written too negatively, there didn't seem to be a real reason fofor Leba to be feeling so grouchy and she seems to be really disliking her children.
I just may wite up my experince on day. Not yet. | I am curious, what are some words of wisdom you would have for those who had related to Leba?
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| Sherri |
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| Posted: Sun, Apr 01 2012, 4:54 pm Post subject: Re: re: Happy Endings in Binah |
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| chavamom wrote: | | I think we have a communal denial problem. G0d forbid you admit publicly that you aren't 1000% happy with your lot, having a baby every year and working full-time to keep your husband in kollel. A few of my friends joke openly about this being the "baruch hashem squad". | What would it help to publicly admit these things? If you are not happy about it, change it. Having a baby every year and working full-time to support your husband are pretty much things that one could decide against. It's not like being unhappy about not being able to get pregnant or having a lousy husband.
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| seeker |
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| Posted: Sun, Apr 01 2012, 4:59 pm Post subject: re: Happy Endings in Binah |
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Yeah MamaBear, I'd love to read anything you have to write on the topic! Actually, I love to read anything that you write, period.
I wasn't bothered by excess darkness or whatever, but if that were an issue I think it could have been dealt with instead of trashed. As in, let the editor communicate to the author that Leba needs to lighten up just a tad so as not to scare off too many readers.
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| seeker |
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| Posted: Sun, Apr 01 2012, 5:33 pm Post subject: Re: re: Happy Endings in Binah |
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| Sherri wrote: | | chavamom wrote: | | I think we have a communal denial problem. G0d forbid you admit publicly that you aren't 1000% happy with your lot, having a baby every year and working full-time to keep your husband in kollel. A few of my friends joke openly about this being the "baruch hashem squad". | What would it help to publicly admit these things? If you are not happy about it, change it. Having a baby every year and working full-time to support your husband are pretty much things that one could decide against. It's not like being unhappy about not being able to get pregnant or having a lousy husband. |
It's not as simple as "if you're not happy, change." It's very lonely and frightening. When you're in and have been raised in a culture where it seems like this is the expectation and it's what everyone is doing, it's not so simple to change and it's even harder to feel comfortable and accepting of the change.
You feel like a freak because it seems like everyone else is managing just fine. You don't know who's going to therapy, taking antidepressants, or screaming behind closed doors. You don't know that the friend you assumed had IF is in fact on BC because she isn't ready for motherhood. It doesn't occur to you to go to therapy for this because the way your high school and seminary teachers made it sound you just need to learn more mussar or something and everything will be fine. You're definitely not going to tell your mother, sisters, or friends how you feel, because it's so pathetic and abnormal. How embarrassing.
So yes, I do think that bringing it into the open and acknowledging that these can be normal feelings and that they can be worked out in a healthy way.
I'm not going to compare or try to fathom whose pain is bigger or smaller, but I don't see that having to make the difficult decision not to have another child due to mentally not being able to handle it is all that different from finding out that you're unable to conceive another child due to SIF. In addition to having to adjust to a different family than you'd envisioned, you also have to deal with things like guilt that it's your fault, maybe if you were a better mother you'd be able to handle having another kid, thanks to your fragility your DH is not going to have the family he envisioned either, maybe you just don't have enough bitachon... and maybe you never get to move into a phase of acceptance because it feels like your "choice," not a decree from Heaven that you can try and accept with love. But it IS a decree, it just doesn't feel like it because the struggle is going on in your head. Not in your ovaries or uterus or whatever. Again, I am not trying to put down the pain of IF, just trying to explain why there are other difficulties that are also VALID and worthy of validation.
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| Mama Bear |
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| Posted: Sun, Apr 01 2012, 5:39 pm Post subject: re: Happy Endings in Binah |
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Seeker, I'm currently writing in Binah under "Shifra Moskowitz'.
In my ccase it turns out to be mostly a case of undiagnosed adhD, which I'm taking care of; my therapist also helped me figure out a way to focus/develop mmy talents (Bh Binah and other mags started taking me seriously, unlike poor Leba), and what help the momost was moving t a bigger house in a better neighborhood. All of these things were total hashgacha Pratis; once I let HaSnem into my llife, He made miracles happen.
By the way, my younger son, unfortunately, is a special needs child, I did not appreciate how "monotonous " my life as before it was turned upside down. Believe me, I'm never bored anymore, life is nnever mundane.....
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| ILOVELIFE |
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| Posted: Sun, Apr 01 2012, 6:38 pm Post subject: re: Happy Endings in Binah |
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For those who are interested, if you write a letter to the editor or call in about this serial, an editor will speak to you about it. One person fielded some calls and I know the eds are open to discuss. There's no hidden agenda here. I actually PM'd this info to one member here, she called and definitely felt it clarified things. Again, we can agree to disagree but if you call... you'll at least get a true response not speculations of a forum 
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| seeker |
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| Posted: Sun, Apr 01 2012, 6:40 pm Post subject: re: Happy Endings in Binah |
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| If they're willing to give the true response to callers, why couldn't they just print it outright? Still smells sketchy. What's the email address again?
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| ILOVELIFE |
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| Posted: Sun, Apr 01 2012, 6:46 pm Post subject: re: Happy Endings in Binah |
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Seeker I PM'd you. Again, to all the questioners: this is not something any of the editors are shying away from. You are asking legit questions and there are legit answers.
By all means: call or email (inbox@binahmagazine.com ) and you will get a response iY"H within a cpl of days
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| Sherri |
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| Posted: Sun, Apr 01 2012, 11:19 pm Post subject: Re: re: Happy Endings in Binah |
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| seeker wrote: | | Sherri wrote: | | chavamom wrote: | | I think we have a communal denial problem. G0d forbid you admit publicly that you aren't 1000% happy with your lot, having a baby every year and working full-time to keep your husband in kollel. A few of my friends joke openly about this being the "baruch hashem squad". | What would it help to publicly admit these things? If you are not happy about it, change it. Having a baby every year and working full-time to support your husband are pretty much things that one could decide against. It's not like being unhappy about not being able to get pregnant or having a lousy husband. |
It's not as simple as "if you're not happy, change." It's very lonely and frightening. When you're in and have been raised in a culture where it seems like this is the expectation and it's what everyone is doing, it's not so simple to change and it's even harder to feel comfortable and accepting of the change.
You feel like a freak because it seems like everyone else is managing just fine. You don't know who's going to therapy, taking antidepressants, or screaming behind closed doors. You don't know that the friend you assumed had IF is in fact on BC because she isn't ready for motherhood. It doesn't occur to you to go to therapy for this because the way your high school and seminary teachers made it sound you just need to learn more mussar or something and everything will be fine. You're definitely not going to tell your mother, sisters, or friends how you feel, because it's so pathetic and abnormal. How embarrassing.
So yes, I do think that bringing it into the open and acknowledging that these can be normal feelings and that they can be worked out in a healthy way.
I'm not going to compare or try to fathom whose pain is bigger or smaller, but I don't see that having to make the difficult decision not to have another child due to mentally not being able to handle it is all that different from finding out that you're unable to conceive another child due to SIF. In addition to having to adjust to a different family than you'd envisioned, you also have to deal with things like guilt that it's your fault, maybe if you were a better mother you'd be able to handle having another kid, thanks to your fragility your DH is not going to have the family he envisioned either, maybe you just don't have enough bitachon... and maybe you never get to move into a phase of acceptance because it feels like your "choice," not a decree from Heaven that you can try and accept with love. But it IS a decree, it just doesn't feel like it because the struggle is going on in your head. Not in your ovaries or uterus or whatever. Again, I am not trying to put down the pain of IF, just trying to explain why there are other difficulties that are also VALID and worthy of validation. | You are totally right, I agree with your viewpoint and I didn't mean for my post to be against the validation.
I believe the validation is extremely necessary, and that mothers always pretending that everything is hunky-dory behind closed-doors ultimately hurts us as a frum community. Instead there could be more reaching out for support and ideas and trying to make ideals work practically. Just the way she stated it about the kids every year and kollel-- I don't know, the examples in that post hit me funny.
And I also agree that thought and sensitivity in presenting the topic is necessary (and think it could be addressed to teens, too, in an appropriate manner). These are very real concerns and struggles-- although not as sensational as others-- of frum women and should be addressed properly.
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| ILOVELIFE |
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| Posted: Sun, Apr 01 2012, 11:23 pm Post subject: re: Happy Endings in Binah |
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| Thank you to those who emailed!
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