Punishment for 11 1/2 YO DS who kicked hole in new walls

Ladies help me out here.

Before I do anything stupid I regret, how would you punish an 11 1/2 year old boy, my DS, who in a fit of anger kicked a hole in my relatively new basement wall?

He has a temper, but has never destroyed anything before.
His anger is usually self limited, meaning he will tell someone you are an/a idiot or name calling.

Guide me please.

Not too much, and I'll explain why. He has an anger management problem, or an impulsivity problem, or is possibly hormonal. Punishing him won't help. He knows this is so wrong.

I'd deduct the cost of the repair (or part of it) from any money he has. If he doesn't have money, I wouldn't.

Try to get him help.

From my own experience.

Senior Member Joined: Nov 30 2009 Posts: 138

Make him fix it. Either by paying or actually helping to fix it. He may have to earn the money to fix it by doing jobs for you around the house. Hormonal or not he is old enough to deal with the consequences - punitive punishments don't work but fixing the problem is reasonable

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 11 2010 Posts: 3090

He should pay for it either from his own $ or by doing chores for you or neighbors to earn the $ it will take to fix it.

I agree that he needs anger management help.

Gold Member Joined: Sep 12 2011 Posts: 1964

Stay calm and make him fix it. Buy him the ingredients and read him the instructions, and let abba help.
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black sheep wrote: Trauma doesn't ruin lives; never recovering from trauma ruins lives.

Have him fix it. Help him find information on how to do it, including talking to someone at Home Depot (or equivalent) who can guide him. You may need to help him with it, but that's OK too. He should pay for the things he needs out of allowance, deducted a small amount each week. And being a softie, if he does the job without complaint and doesn't act out again, I'd forgive the rest of the payment after it was 1/3 to 1/2 paid.

And talk to him about things he can do instead of punching walls.

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 12 2007 Posts: 20503

And it's irrelevant whether the wall is new or old.
One of my kids once did that. He had to find the repair man, pay for the repairs and help the guy. No big deal and it never happened again.
Just as a PSA, this doesn't happen in Israel where the walls are concrete/stone Laughing

Senior Member Joined: Oct 14 2010 Posts: 190

In addition to what all the posters are saying (I agree with having to pay for it - be it with own money or by doing chores to earn the money) He is gaging your response. This is a critical time to show him that even if he tried to provoke you, you did not succumb to his actions (therfore he may not try such a thing again). With love, you can fix this. But giving him alternate options for future bursts of anger is probably best. Hatzlacha. Let us know what happens.