I can't keep doing this!!!

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 17 2008 Posts: 3554

Delores -- thank you. Merrymom, you are repeatedly posting responses that are way out of line and hurtful to people in tough situations. OP, I hear you. I think that that few (if any) of the people who responded here have ever experienced PPD. Hang in there, and do whatever it takes to get through it. If you decide to CIO, buy yourself some earplugs, or take a shower, or listen to a book on tape while you relax and go to sleep. Close the door to your room and ask your dh to do the listening.

In addition to that, I would definitely examine her schedule. Naps that are too frequent or not frequent enough, or at the wrong times, can mess up nighttime sleeping schedules. Also, I found it was helpful to feed my baby a LOT before bedtime, nursing maybe once an hour for the last few hours before bedtime. It sounds crazy, and it took up a lot of time, but it helped him sleep longer because he was really full.

Hang in there, there are people who DO know what it's like.

Posted: Wed, Mar 21 2012, 4:44 pm Post subject: re: I can't keep doing this!!!

op here:

ok let me explain something. I am a struggling mother, I have PPD and it's been hell loving my baby and taking care of myself and not losing my mind or hurting either of us. I am ok but it's work and Im trying my best. This is not about me wanting to have more time to get manicures or talk on the phone, it's about me needing structure and schedule to be a better mother to a daughter that I love so much and wish caring for was easier.
She needs to sleep because when she's not sleeping well she's cranky and wont play herself or relax without me holding her and that is really hard for me, really really hard for me. She is unhappy like this and I want her to be happy. I want to be ok to take care of her and love her and this is real hard.
My poor husband is dealing with so much and I don't want to wake him up at night - I want to teach my daughter to sleep but I feel like I've tried everything!!!!

thank u for not judging and for helping.

Senior Member Joined: Mar 10 2011 Posts: 204

Definately contact Batya the Baby Coach. I know her personally, she's wonderful and she'll be able to help you!
Also, if you want some help for the ppd (didn't read if you're seeing someone already?) I have some ideas and experience and you're welcome to pm me.
BIG HUGS sweetie, it's so hard but you are doing such a great job! Reaching out for help is the most courageous thing you can do and the best thing for you and your baby.
B'HATZLACHA RABA!!

Executive Member Joined: May 18 2010 Posts: 499

I couldn't read this without responding. I did not have PPD, but I had a lot of anxiety after my first baby was born, and the only thing that saved my sanity even a little, was when the baby got onto some sort of routine. I remember like you said, spending 45 minutes just to get the baby to sleep, only for him to sleep a short time.

Part of it was his personality, part of it was like a pp said - naps were at the wrong time and for the wrong duration. I found the baby whisperer really helpful in figuring out when to put the baby down for a nap. A lot of it is about putting the baby down before she is overtired. But some of it might just be maturity. She WILL start napping better, and it IS really hard until that point. I definitely suggest talking to someone, it is worth the money if you can scrape it together at all. Speaking to someone will not make it any easier, but it will hopefully help you cope with the frustration.

is she sleeping well in between the times she is waking at night? Does she go to sleep easily after you feed her in the middle of the night. At 5 months she really might be hungry, and if she goes right back to sleep, I don't know if there is much you can do. You can have your husband feed him a bottle. Just because he works does not excuse him from getting up at night, especially if you are struggling. It is also very hard for my DH to get up in the night, but at a certain point, it just becomes necessary. What we ended up doing, was I would go to sleep very early like 8 or 9 pm when the baby did, and I would leave a bottle of formula or pumped milk for DH. He would take care of the first night feeding, usually before he even went to sleep. Then I would take care of the second night feeding, so we both got some sleep this way. I have a very hard time going back to sleep in the night, and that may be adding to your frustration.

I definitely agree with others about talking to some sort of sleep coach. they can give you some advice, that even though you could probably find it in a book, she can just tell you the stuff that is pertinent to you. I wish you a lot of hatzlacha!!

Silver Member Joined: Jun 21 2010 Posts: 566

you mentioned that your baby arches her back, did you ever have her checked for reflux.
a common symptom for reflux is back arching and forceful spitting up. maybe she has that and with some medication she'll feel better.
sorry that you are having it so hard

Active Poster Joined: May 22 2010 Posts: 55

hop613 just mentioned something similar, and I'm wondering this would work for you until you get your baby sleeping through the night. can you pump 2 feedings and take turns with your husband - every other night each of you gets a good night's sleep - one night you get up with the baby, the next one he does, next one you, then he.

Platinum Member Joined: Jun 30 2009 Posts: 8228

Platinum Member Joined: Oct 14 2009 Posts: 5867

Screaming and arching her back sounds like a possible gas problem. If you feed her with bottles, maybe try switching to an anti-gas type or something. Ask your pediatrician if there's some kind of drops or something you could try to prevent gas.

If you nurse, I agree with the person who suggested cosleeping. I did this out of desperation because I was worn ragged from getting out of bed in middle of the night to respond to a needy baby. It created its own problem later on when it became uncomfortable and we had to transition her back out of my bed, but for those few months it was just what I needed to keep me functional. She woke less and when she woke it was less disruptive to both of us, just nursed and went back to sleep, neither of us even had to fully wake up.

Executive Member Joined: May 17 2011 Posts: 261

Diamond Member Joined: Oct 19 2011 Posts: 2693

I haven't read all of the replies by back arching and inconsolable crying are usually signs of reflux. Many babies with reflux do not spit-up. We went through this with our DD. As a result she was on a prescription acid reducer and we had to have her sleep somewhat sitting up in her bouncy chair until 3 months and then her swing until she was almost a year old!

Call your ped and talk to him or her about reflux.
_________________
"We need not appear in the world as an Alabama or South Africa." - Ben Gurion, 1963, in a letter to Prime Minister Levi Eshkol

Silver Member Joined: Jul 06 2006 Posts: 745

OP, there is a really great board on babycenter called "Teaching your baby and toddler to sleep". They have a lot of excellent tools and experts who will personally "speak" to you and help you out.

Platinum Member Joined: Oct 14 2009 Posts: 5867

Also when she wakes the first time in middle of the night, does she fall asleep in middle of eating? If you feed her in middle of the night try to keep her awake long enough to really fill her up. Try not to let her fall back asleep until she gets a sizeable feeding, maybe she won't wake again until later in the morning. Though it does sound like she's waking out of pain/discomfort rather than hunger, so definitely check into gas/reflux remedies.

Posted: Wed, Mar 21 2012, 10:53 pm Post subject: re: I can't keep doing this!!!

Yes, check for reflux! The drugs work wonders. My DD was not sleeping thru the night and I knew she had reflux, but was too nervous about giving her the drugs. Finally at 3 mos I took her to the dr, and she slept thru the night the first night! The fact that it takes her a long time to fall asleep after eating is a sign that this could be the problem.

Diamond Member Joined: Jun 29 2011 Posts: 2999

When she wakes, there is a short list of things she could be needing.

Food. Just give it. She isn't kidding about needing it; she's dehydrating, and also needs calories. She is growing at a zooming rate. At her size there is a lot of surface to volume, like a sphere, and she loses water very fast.

To suck. Give her a Nuk pacifyer. The need to suck is very powerful, and is a thing unto itself, apart from the need for food. A full baby may continue to suck. If not given a pacifyer, it will overeat just because it must, must suck, and that distends the stomach, which hurts terribly; so it yells. Give it a pacifyer so it can suck without eating, once it is full, and yet still wants to suck.

To know she is a member of the team. So keep her in a bassinet right next to your bed, and at the very first whimper reach out and pet her a little.

The trick is to not let her get into high gear. If you give her what she needs immediately, she will go back to sleep, and you will both hardly notice. Once she is in high gear, it's like talking a cat out of a tree. Her own cries stimulate and disturb her. It's not clever to let her get to that stage; it's only worse for you. So: enlightened self interest says, just give her whatever she needs, fast.

It is IMPOSSIBLE to spoil anybody who is under a year in age. What they say they need, they really do need. It's not whining or manipulative or anything like that. It's not I wanna mink coat. No she really needs it. Really.

Hope you feel better.

I am not big on co-sleeping but it might be better than this, while you are waiting for the delivery of the bassinet or something.

Oh: and here is the iron rule:

When the baby sleeps, you sleep.

Do not call your friend, balance your checkbook, cook, read, have tea, or straighten up the house. When her head hits the pillow, yours must also, even though that takes discipline, because there is so much we would rather do. But that's the iron rule. By doing that, you will still be tired, but you will not be half-dead and desperate.

Doctors and soldiers know how to fall asleep on a dime, bingo! and also wake fully, completely, on a dime. You can teach yourself this skill. You put your head down, and command yourself, Dear Me: NOW SLEEP. Believe me, you will. That is how you get through.

You don't want to train her to yell. If yelling loud enough to bring the police and the neighbors is what gets her what she needs, she will cut to the chase and yell like that right away, next time. She has learned - you have taught her - there is no use going through the intermediate stages of ever increasing intensity. She will go directly to what DID work last time: whatever she was doing when she finally got the food or whatever she needed. That is the danger of dragging your feet, because you would so love to stay in bed. But, nobody has ever won an argument with a baby. Eventually, you will get up. So: put a good face on it, accept reality, and get up for her right away, at the very first whimper. You will have a nicer kid, long term, and, it is less misery for you short term. Total crying time will be less. That's good, right?

This stage won't last forever, it just feels that way. Enjoy your kid. Enjoy the little private sessions in the quiet of the night, just you two, all snuggled in the rocking chair. Buy a rocking chair with arms. Overstock dot com has several.

Sing to her. Figure it out. Do a googl.e search for 'lullabye' videos. Remember one that was sung to you. Ask your grandma. Or a friend. Or buy a collection and learn to imitate one of them.

Don't forget to pass this knowledge on to her, when she has her own baby. That day will come.

The work is the source of the pride.

Hugs. And thanks.

Executive Member Joined: Nov 18 2009 Posts: 404

Are you nursing? Do you live in Boro Park? I would like to help you. If you'd like to you can pm me.

Diamond Member Joined: Jun 29 2011 Posts: 2999

Posted: Thu, Mar 22 2012, 12:58 am Post subject: re: I can't keep doing this!!!

op here:

She is on formula
She has reflux and is on a combination of 2 medicines

In the middle of the night, she gets up, she eats, and she falls back to sleep pretty quickly. It's the interrupted sleep that kills my day. Some people are like that. I can stay up late but waking up in middle of the night is hard. It's just hard to put her to bed initially and during the day her naps are really tough. I have read the baby whisperer and many other books, I try and keep her on a eat, play, nap routine but sometimes her naps are too short or she cries for so long that she is overtired the next "cycle" and knocks everything off wack. I'm really trying to schedule her at least a little bit, the inconsistancy is driving me mad. I can't make plans or do things to take care of the house or myself (which in turn stablizes me emotionally) when it's so inconsistant.
She is on formula so she should be going 3-4 hours between feeds and I find myself pushing her to space it to 3 hrs. And she wants to be held all the time. Aren't babies supposed to play for a bit happily? I can play with her but for how long? I have no patience and I keep trying and none of it is working.

Posted: Thu, Mar 22 2012, 1:09 am Post subject: re: I can't keep doing this!!!

Op- I was you 6 yes ago. I was literally sick from having interrupted nights.
It took me until my second baby to get used to it.

It is normal for babies to wake up at night. My children all cried far more than their first bday. We have to remember that.

I guess the solution is to for mommy to take care of herself better. Good diet. Vitamins. Try to nap during the day. Medics if necessary.
Maybe go to sleep REAL early so you get some hrs of sleep by the time she cries ?

it gets easier at some point. Nowadays I can't sleep through the night! My body finally got used to waking up every hr, even though my kids all sleep through the night now!

And you should have your child examined to rule out any pain.

Hatzlacha! it's hard....