Should I tell my Mom I can't use her gift?

I live overseas from my parents and today I received a parcel from my Mom.

It was 2 maternity shirts and a pair of maternity leggings.

I'm 38 weeks pregnant so I am not likely to to be able to get much wear out of the clothes anyway but in addition to that, the clothes are not my style at all and are not something I would normally wear.

I do appreciate my Mom's thoughtfulness and generosity in sending me a gift and I don't want to appear ungrateful by sending them back so she can get a refund but on the other hand I hate to think of her wasting her money like this.

I have asked her a few times in the past not to choose clothing for me because it is personal and it's hard to guess someone elses style (she almost always picks things I don't like.)

Would you say something/ send the clothes back so she can get a refund or simply thank her and not mention anything? Of course I will thank her either way but another concern I have is that she will probably be encouraged to buy more stuff for me if she thinks she chose something I like this time.

Platinum Member Joined: Nov 04 2008 Posts: 8180

Thank her and give the clothes to a friend who can use them.
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But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you
And loved the sorrows of your changing face.

Give them to a gemach. Maternity clothing (in the USA at least) is not generally returnable. She isn't likely to be able to get any money back even if you send them back to her.
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Liba, mommy to Zlata Tova 5/6/98, Tziporah Faiga 1/12/01, Esther Rivka 7/13/04 and Avraham Chaim 7/2/2006

She isn't in the US and can definitely get a refund on the clothes.

There are no gemachs here.

I hadn't considered giving the clothes to a friend but I'd be kinda embarassed to anyway! Firstly because I don't know how I'd offer them, it is kinda awkward to ask if they want them because it would be embarassing for the friend to say no. They are also not at all the kind of style that frum Jews would wear (my Mom isn't frum.)

Gold Member Joined: Mar 31 2010 Posts: 2094

Gold Member Joined: Jun 29 2010 Posts: 2086

how about selling them on ebay?
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Take my advice. I wasn't using it anyway.

Platinum Member Joined: Apr 12 2010 Posts: 5882

thank her, wear them once or twice and take a picture to send her,
then sell them or give them away.
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My mom used to be able to send me stuff that I would wear. I've changed my look. I told her that for sure she wouldn't be able to find something that I like anymore, because I've gotten so particular. Simple as that.

But when MIL sent me something, I wore it, and sent her a photo of me in it. It made her very happy. She rarely sends me gifts like that, so even though beige is not my color and makes me look so pale, I added a little black to buffer it, and wore it anyway.

If your mom can return it, then you could just tell her that you looked so fat in it, and that you hate how big you've gotten and that there are only two outfits in your closet that you can go out in public in. Come on, be creative, and send it back. Pregnant women are unreasonable anyway, so just act unreasonable but thank her profusely for trying to make you feel beautiful.
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black sheep wrote: Trauma doesn't ruin lives; never recovering from trauma ruins lives.

Thanks her and give them away is the only thing I would do, but tell her in a very nice way that since your size is constantly changing please don's send anymore

Thanks for all the replies!

So, I thanked her and said was happy she thought off me etc but said that since my size is constantly changing it is better to check with me before getting clothes, also because I am so fussy I'd hate for her to waste money on something I would never wear.

She replied "but the stuff I sent was OK wasn't it? I knew it would be, I know your style." I kind of avoided answering because that stuff has NEVER been my style! I don't know when she thought I would ever wear a pair of leggings Confused

.

Anyway, any tips on how I could nicely ask that she doesn't buy me clothes again? I already don't know what I'm going to do with these ones. I can't give them to friends.

Gold Member Joined: Jan 11 2011 Posts: 1167

After you have your child, maybe you can hint that she buys you baby clothing, toys instead.

Senior Member Joined: Dec 17 2011 Posts: 221

My mother-in-law LOVES buying clothes for her kids, grandkids and in-laws. She loves it.

Me, I hate shopping and I like new things, so I am happy to accept the clothing she buys for me. My sister-in-law, on the other hand, has very particular taste, and doesn't like feeling indebted to anyone, so whenever my MIL buys her clothes, she returns it with a polite "thank you, not my taste."

I know for a fact that my MIL is hurt by her actions. It's silly, because you'd think she'd appreciate my SIL's honesty, but instead, it makes her so sad that my SIL won't accept the clothing she buys for her. In contrast, I try to just accept and thank my MIL for the things she gives me, even if they're not my taste or I don't really like them. If they don't fit, I give them back to her, but if they clearly do, I just thank her and take them home. Either they sit in the closet until they intrigue me, or I regift them or donate them, but I know that it makes her so happy that I accept her gifts.

So for me, it's worth it to make her happy to take them.

Silver Member Joined: Sep 16 2009 Posts: 553

it's always a better idea to say how u feel for future gifts AT A LATER DATE whether you hint or say it straight out. that way no hurt feelings about this particular gift (even though you are saying thank you) and the message is clear for the future!
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wear the leggings for pajamas.
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ask your heathcare provider, pharmacist, or LOR

Can you ask her to text or email a picture in the future? I do this with my girls when shopping. I hope it's ok with them. I'm not too interested in wasting money either

Silver Member Joined: Feb 19 2006 Posts: 728

NO
Just thank her, grin and bare it...
It makes her so happy to buy something for you, and it will only hurt her feelings - like a rejection. Nevermind the money being spent etc. Just focus on her happiness.

I learnt the hard way; whenever my mom bought my kids clothes which were never my taste... I was naturally disappointed, thought it right to be honest, told her I dont like it, won't use it etc etc so she stopped (and I was happy about it) But looking back I regret breaking her joy of buying her gs stuff that She loved, that went unappreciated. No matter how you put it, she will be disappointed... Would it have killed me to dress my kid and feign happiness? It's not easy, but it's a Mitzva! ~I was young and stupid~

(Who can't use an extra pair of leggings? Post partum exercise...)

Big deal. I constantly get clothing that are terribly not my style.

I say thanks tons, put them away for a year in case they'll ask questions about the gift, and then I load the car and find a nice Gemach!
Yeah, not the greatest feeling, I know.