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Forum
-> Interesting Discussions
Are you more likely to divorce over chillul shabbos or belief in hashem?
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| I would probably divorce over chillul shabbos, even if mostly in private, assuming he was not likely to change. |
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21% |
[ 23 ] |
| I would probably divorce over atheism, even if he generally kept mitzvos, assuming he was not likely to change. |
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14% |
[ 15 ] |
| Divorcing over either shabbos or belief in Hashem is not an option. I would work it out, whatever it takes. |
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50% |
[ 53 ] |
| Other, please explain |
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14% |
[ 15 ] |
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| Total Votes : 106 |
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marina
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 Mon, Feb 20 2012, 5:56 pm
Someone's answer to my previous poll engendered this offshoot. A poster wrote that if her husband denied God, she would ask for a divorce that day. If he was mechallel shabbos, she would try to work things out.
If you found out that your husband no longer kept shabbos and was not sorry and had no plans to change, would you try to work things out and stay married? Assuming, say, that he was generally home, generally ate meals with the family, generally went to shul and generally was not publically mechallel shabbos. But sometimes he would take an important work phonecall or use facebook in private, where the kids were not around.
Would that be grounds for divorce for you? What else would you factor in?
What if he kept everything as halacha requires, but it was empty, he did not believe in any of it, and did not believe in God and was just doing it to make you happy? Would that still be grounds for divorce?
I guess I am curious as to what level of observance we require from our spouses. I have always heard that belief is secondary and that actions are the key in Judaism, but maybe others feel differently.
As an aside, I want to emphasize that I know there are people on this site that have faced these very questions in real life and I do not mean to trivialize their experiences in any way or make light of them. This is an intellectual issue of interest for me.
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bradybunch
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Mon, Feb 20 2012, 6:05 pm
The only thing I would definitely get a divorce over is abuse.
I've been in an incredibly difficult situation with marriage, and I know how far I'm willing to go, and it's pretty far. But IMO (and IME) there are much worse things than either of the options in the poll.
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5
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Soul on fire
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Mon, Feb 20 2012, 6:20 pm
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I really can't answer this because I don't know what would push me to divorce. Definitely abuse or extracurricular relationships but other that that I really never thought about it.
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eytse
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Mon, Feb 20 2012, 6:22 pm
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my husband just said that he would divorce me over chillul shabbos. hypothetically.
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0
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Maya
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Mon, Feb 20 2012, 6:24 pm
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If the marriage continues to be very loving, stable, and respectful, and if my husband agreed to continue raising the children with religion and not do anything outright against to Torah in front of them, I'd definitely stay with him (if he wanted to stay, of course.)
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6
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sequoia
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Mon, Feb 20 2012, 6:32 pm
| eytse wrote: | | my husband just said that he would divorce me over chillul shabbos. hypothetically. |
That is so incomprehensible to me.
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jelly belly
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Mon, Feb 20 2012, 6:34 pm
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I wouldn't demand a divorce over that, but I think divorce would be inevitable. Religion is too much a part of our lives for it not to take a toll on our overall relationship.
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Maya
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Mon, Feb 20 2012, 6:37 pm
Why is it a funny question?
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Arcy
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Mon, Feb 20 2012, 6:39 pm
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I chose other: because, I have never thought about this, and hope to never consider this question. Hope no1 has to ever deal with it either.
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LiLIsraeli
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Mon, Feb 20 2012, 6:39 pm
| jelly belly wrote: | | I wouldn't demand a divorce over that, but I think divorce would be inevitable. Religion is too much a part of our lives for it not to take a toll on our overall relationship. |
I think this is a very intelligent answer!
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imamiri
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Mon, Feb 20 2012, 6:39 pm
| Maya wrote: |
Why is it a funny question? |
To me it is funny. My DH is more than an observant Jew to me. And what he does is on him. It's between him and Hashem. Provided he isn't telling me how to live, I'm fine.
Now the flip side, if he adopted 1 million chumrot? I would only divorce them if he expected me to keep them too.
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Simple1
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Mon, Feb 20 2012, 6:41 pm
| LiLIsraeli wrote: | | jelly belly wrote: | | I wouldn't demand a divorce over that, but I think divorce would be inevitable. Religion is too much a part of our lives for it not to take a toll on our overall relationship. |
I think this is a very intelligent answer! |
and very realistic.
I still can't say for sure if I would, but at this age I really can't see my dh dumping shabbos.
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amother
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Mon, Feb 20 2012, 6:43 pm
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I would be a hypocrite to divorce him over that.
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sima
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Mon, Feb 20 2012, 6:55 pm
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this has gotten me thinking. I think it's very hard to answer from our viewpoint, having BH not been in such a situation. Who knows how things would play out if such a scenario would arise, and then there are so many other aspects of the relationship and family relationship to consider and the implications of either decision to divorce or to stay together.
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WriterMom
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Mon, Feb 20 2012, 6:58 pm
| e_plus3 wrote: | The only thing I would definitely get a divorce over is abuse.
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Exactly. And I hope he'd feel the same.
Wouldn't it disturb you to think that if you lost your faith, you'd also automatically lose your marriage?
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imamiri
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Mon, Feb 20 2012, 7:01 pm
| WriterMom wrote: | | e_plus3 wrote: | The only thing I would definitely get a divorce over is abuse.
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Exactly. And I hope he'd feel the same.
Wouldn't it disturb you to think that if you lost your faith, you'd also automatically lose your marriage? |
It would make me wonder what my marriage was really about, to be sure.
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amother
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Mon, Feb 20 2012, 7:07 pm
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I am in this situation - my husband, well after our marriage, decided he is an atheist and does not keep shabbos. It is very very difficult, but I love him and we are working through how we want our lives to work. I have no idea what we will explain to the kids but I can't believe that a painful divorce when we both love each other is a better idea.
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mommyhood
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Mon, Feb 20 2012, 7:21 pm
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I can't imagine being able to convince my children to keep Shabbos if I supported a husband who didn't. I don't believe it's possible to keep such a thing hidden from them for very long they're bound to find out eventually and then how do you explain it, it's ok for Daddy but not for you doesn't seem logical to me how could it seem logical to a child. Now if he was just going through a hard time and was hoping to change I would consider it but I don't see how someone could raise Torah abiding children with someone who's not.
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connie
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Mon, Feb 20 2012, 7:22 pm
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this happened to a friend of mine and she got divorced. I really cant blame her, she had no kids, and why would she want to stay with someone so different than her?
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