Broken human being

Posted: Thu, Jan 12 2012, 4:31 am Post subject: broken human being

do u think they ever cared about u?
of course
they do in their demented way
oh
im not naive
so maybe they r just doing the best they know how
I know they love me
maybe not my mom
shes not capable
but my dad does
thats something
yeah well its not
its like if I love someone but have never expressed it
what good is that??
I do love
I love lots
so much
my heart is bursting w emotion
just not that anyone can handle
so there is hope for u
but I cant feel it from others
so theres no hope
do u know how mush therapy ive been in
and the dif kinds
yeah my hands and legs so I couldnt escape
thats when my parents and the psychiatrist were on the same page I got put on meds they were gonna start taking care of me and paying attention to me
there was a suicide plan
and then the next day the hospital called and said they had a kidney for my mom for transplant
and once again I was forgotten about
started hoarding my pills. never took them. went out of control. ran away and no one noticed me
my mom was so sick
sound familiar?
and u think im loveable
im a hater
the only ppl that I let in are children
I believe u can be loveable
if u wanted
well theres only burnt ashes
u can thank my dad for that
hes just crazy
that hes incapable of showing love and being there for me
and being my father
when he is the only parent we ever really had
and ive have had to learn not to rely on him or anyone for that matter
when really all I wanted or need is a hug or an I love u but he doesnt even call or look at me or talk to me at all
he just ignores me
like I dont exist
so yeah, its pretty hard to function alone in this world
no I dont win
bc I should be a big girl and use my fake tough girl act and just deal w it
and move on w my life
and stop letting them affect me so much and ruin me to the core
and I have accomplished nothing
I am crippled

Senior Member Joined: Dec 23 2009 Posts: 115

I am so sorry for your anguish. Sometimes the family we are born into does not fill our need for love. Search for an adopted family that is capable of giving you what you so desperately long for. They will never replace the family you were born into, but they can replace the emptiness.

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 20 2005 Posts: 5270

I send you a cyber hug and love the way you express yourself. Let it out

Gold Member Joined: Jun 03 2007 Posts: 1942

Wow. Luv the writing.
Sorry for your pain. Huggs to you.