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| amother |
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Amother
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 Posted: Thu, Jan 12 2012, 12:43 pm Post subject: Re: re: Ready to quit!!!! |
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| cmg770 wrote: | | I dont know what your teaching the children at home, but have you thought of one or two days a week having a tutor who comes online and teaches the children. they follow exactly what your doing but will be a change for the children, its home schooling but the younger kids will get some time as you would like. Also I know many people sign up to online school. I am not sure if your chabad, chassidish, etc but chabad set up an online school, its incredible. I know many children and parents connected to this and it is an incredible school. |
OP Here: Thanks! For secular studies, we do use an online program where they do have online lessons and tutors/help sessions. This aspect of the homeschooling is great. They also have "fun sessions"for the little kids, like today they have a "Show and Tell". So there are some really good parts about the program. We aren't Chabad, so we couldn't use that program, but I have heard from friends that it's a great school!
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| Posted: Thu, Jan 12 2012, 1:05 pm Post subject: Re: re: Ready to quit!!!! |
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| Raisin wrote: | I am shocked at the community shunning you thing. I really think you have to ignore them and make a point of finding out about events and be there. Not attending stuff reinforces the view that you are shunning the community.
Who is incharge of the phone message thing? call them and ask point blank why you were taken off. Ask to be put back on.
I am guessing that the school is a small school and pulling your kids out really damaged the school numberwise, and people are upset about that. I'll bet other parents are also not happy with the school so are resentful that you did this.
My kids have skype tutors for some subjects btw. |
OP here: I don't think they are as upset about the numbers, as they are about the loss of tuition money. Honestly, though, anyone who was in our position at the time would have done the exact same thing, pulling their kids. I don't want to get into a whole discussion about the school, what's done, is done, and my kids are never going back. If you are shocked about us being shunned, you would even be more shocked to find out what happened. People shouldn't be angry at us, they should be angry at the school for what they did.
I really had no idea until 6 weeks ago that there is the view of, "If you aren't part of the school, you aren't part of the community". I was so sad for days. I don't feel that way. I thought the school was one thing and the community was another. I haven't shunned the community and I am happy to go to events/classes not connected to the school. We have even gone in the school for events being held there that aren't connected to the school. My event attendance has been limited because of aveilus, but that is almost over. I mentioned to someone about the list, then someone else called my husband to get the numbers (not the person who I suspect took us off in the 1st place), but we haven't gotten any messages. So who knows what happened? Maybe they just didn't do it yet.
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| Gsanmb |
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| Posted: Thu, Jan 12 2012, 8:35 pm Post subject: re: Ready to quit!!!! |
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Dear OP:
I am so sorry to hear about the community shunning you like that. It is deeply disappointing, and such a chilul Hashem, for people who claim to be 'frum' to behave in that way. What happened to mitzvot bein adam l'chaveiro? I want to rant and rave but it won't do any good.
Still, would you perhaps seek out a non-Jewish homeschooling group or co-op, just for some time around other homeschooling families? You don't have to go all the time, and it may give your kids an opportunity to learn some new and interesting things while also spending time with other kids (even if they are different). You might also get some cameraderie and a sense of community with other moms -- they might not be religious Jews, but they share other values, and that can be a very helpful thing.
I teach on Room613, and I know that they are always receptive to new ideas about classes and/or times. If you have suggestions I'm sure they'd be open to hearing them. Also they have a davening circle in the morning for kids of all ages. It's free (I think) and it's a nice opportunity to a) build in a scheduled time to which the kids are tied; and b) give them a sense of community and sharing with other frum homeschoolers. Also the forums and blogs there are a way for you to find other people to connect with, even if the classes themselves won't work for your kids right now.
Hugs. Good for you for making the right decision for your family and your kids even though it totally stinks right now for you sometimes.
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| amother |
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| Posted: Thu, Jan 12 2012, 9:10 pm Post subject: Re: re: Ready to quit!!!! |
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| Gsanmb wrote: | Dear OP:
I am so sorry to hear about the community shunning you like that. It is deeply disappointing, and such a chilul Hashem, for people who claim to be 'frum' to behave in that way. What happened to mitzvot bein adam l'chaveiro? I want to rant and rave but it won't do any good.
Still, would you perhaps seek out a non-Jewish homeschooling group or co-op, just for some time around other homeschooling families? You don't have to go all the time, and it may give your kids an opportunity to learn some new and interesting things while also spending time with other kids (even if they are different). You might also get some cameraderie and a sense of community with other moms -- they might not be religious Jews, but they share other values, and that can be a very helpful thing.
I teach on Room613, and I know that they are always receptive to new ideas about classes and/or times. If you have suggestions I'm sure they'd be open to hearing them. Also they have a davening circle in the morning for kids of all ages. It's free (I think) and it's a nice opportunity to a) build in a scheduled time to which the kids are tied; and b) give them a sense of community and sharing with other frum homeschoolers. Also the forums and blogs there are a way for you to find other people to connect with, even if the classes themselves won't work for your kids right now.
Hugs. Good for you for making the right decision for your family and your kids even though it totally stinks right now for you sometimes. |
OP here: Thanks so much! Yeah, the community issue makes me feel really bad. It's not everyone, B'H. We still have friends. Once someone verbalized it though, it just got taken to a new level. Like one of my husband's friends said to him, "Well, we have something in common....we are both on the 'outs' with the community." There just happens to be a core group of people... My husband tells me just to roll with it and not worry, but it's still upsetting.
The program my kids use has outings on Fridays every few weeks(like to bowling alleys, mini-golf), but with Shabbos coming in early these dates, it's too difficult to go. I should really try to find more homeschoolers in my area. The library has homeschooling programs about once every other month, so when they aren't held on Saturdays we go to those. I feel amazing when I am around other homeschooling families! I feel like people actually understand where I am coming from. It's like an instant bond. Our program hosts huge end of the year events, and it's so great to be around other people who homeschool. Even just posting on here and reading that other moms have similar struggles is a huge help!
I did see the Room 613 schedule at the start of the year. Then we got their program schedule. There are so many conflicts right now with the schedule, but it may work in the future. I'll check out the forums though!
As it turned out, DH worked from home today. I was able to really take notice of what parts of the day are stressful. I noticed that one aspect of one child's schedule is a huge stress producer for me. And that after that I was just stressed for the rest of the afternoon. Then another part of the same child's day was also very stressful. This particular child is the least likely candidate to cause stress, so it was very surprising! But, looking back, I must just get so drained for the rest of the day! The nice thing about the program is that there is help available. I quickly emailed the child's assigned teacher with the problem and see if she has any ideas. Even dh saw the issue clear as day.
Dh and I talked about the bedtime issue. I told him I need him on board to get everyone in bed on time. So he agreed. Let's see what happens! We also discussed coming up with our own program for kindergarten when our next kid enters school. It's almost 2 years away, but he was open to the idea. He told me I just have to figure out which plan will be less stressful, but it's up to me.
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| yy |
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| Posted: Fri, Jan 13 2012, 2:43 am Post subject: re: Ready to quit!!!! |
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Hi OP. I understand much better where you are coming from now. I see that you are committed to the program your kids are doing and it sounds like your state has pretty restrictive homeschooling requirements. Since I don't know where you are, I can't make other suggestions on that aspect of things.
There are so many philosophies of homeschooling, and if you started because you had to and not really because you wanted to, it makes sense that you'd be more comfortable with a school-at-home approach.
Maybe consider using your "free time" (!) starting now to read books and articles about all kinds of homeschooling approaches and get inspired/empowered to possibly do something different for next year. Homeschooling families always have their difficult days, but overall a homeschooling life should not be stressful! It should be a pleasure - a natural extension of your regular family life together.
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| yaelinIN |
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| Posted: Fri, Jan 13 2012, 12:06 pm Post subject: re: Ready to quit!!!! |
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OP,I'm glad you are getting some clarity about the situation -- be proactive and (pleasantly) forceful that your family is a team and needs to work that way (each person has responsibilities (and receive rewards) to make the family work well).
Have a great Shabbos!
_________________
Interested in learning more about homeschooling?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/jewishorthodoxandhomeschooling/
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| amother |
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| Posted: Fri, Jan 13 2012, 12:21 pm Post subject: Re: re: Ready to quit!!!! |
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| yaelinIN wrote: | OP,I'm glad you are getting some clarity about the situation -- be proactive and (pleasantly) forceful that your family is a team and needs to work that way (each person has responsibilities (and receive rewards) to make the family work well).
Have a great Shabbos! |
Op here: Thank you so much for helping me through my homeschooling meltdown. I feel a lot better than I did a few days ago. I am really taking a good look at the schedule, and identifying the problem areas. I already heard back from the teacher that I emailed. She sent tons of ideas and we have a phone meeting next week! So, despite the crazy deadlines every so often, there are definitely positives to the program. I think she will be a huge help.
Good Shabbos!
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| R123 |
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| Posted: Fri, Jan 13 2012, 5:50 pm Post subject: re: Ready to quit!!!! |
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| Hi, I just saw this discussion. I'm glad so many people were able to help you. We are also a homeschooling family ...my kids are ages 9 to 1...so not as huge of a difference as yours. I just wanted to chime in about the bedtime/24 hour schedule. We were having the same issue. We tried incentives, bribing etc..nothing worked until we started a set wake-up time. Once we started a set wake-up time and were consistent with it, the kids were ready to go to bed on time...because they were tired. If we let the schedule slack and let wake-up time be whenever they wanted, bed time was also whenever they wanted. We started the set wake-up time at the beginning of the school year and it has worked wonderfully...we now have our evenings back! Good luck!!
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| Posted: Sun, Jan 15 2012, 12:52 am Post subject: re: Ready to quit!!!! |
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In defense of my community:
My kids go to the school you pulled your kids out of. Yes, you have reason, but a good portion of us have no reason to pull our kids out and don't appreciate our school being bashed regularly-by anyone. I don't know if you do that, but if you do, it will not endear you to the rest of the community.
As for the stupid comments people make-they speak for themselves, not for everybody. Most people really don't hold it against you. Yes some do and may be verbal about it, but if you do not bash the school then the rest of the community won't bash you.
As for the shul message line. Are you a paid member of the shul? Because that is who is on the calling list. If you are not a member of the shul then your name is removed from the list.
You are not shunned by the community. Most of the information that is given out in the community is through the school and phone line. You are obviously out of the loop there. And you don't live in the middle of the community to 'run into people on the street'. So how would you find out what is going on? How many women do you call regularly to chat with? How are women supposed to know you are looking to be part of things?
It is up to you to reach out more to people rather than expect them to track you down to let you know whats going on.
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| amother |
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| Posted: Sun, Jan 15 2012, 1:18 am Post subject: Re: re: Ready to quit!!!! |
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| amother wrote: | In defense of my community:
My kids go to the school you pulled your kids out of. Yes, you have reason, but a good portion of us have no reason to pull our kids out and don't appreciate our school being bashed regularly-by anyone. I don't know if you do that, but if you do, it will not endear you to the rest of the community.
As for the stupid comments people make-they speak for themselves, not for everybody. Most people really don't hold it against you. Yes some do and may be verbal about it, but if you do not bash the school then the rest of the community won't bash you.
As for the shul message line. Are you a paid member of the shul? Because that is who is on the calling list. If you are not a member of the shul then your name is removed from the list.
You are not shunned by the community. Most of the information that is given out in the community is through the school and phone line. You are obviously out of the loop there. And you don't live in the middle of the community to 'run into people on the street'. So how would you find out what is going on? How many women do you call regularly to chat with? How are women supposed to know you are looking to be part of things?
It is up to you to reach out more to people rather than expect them to track you down to let you know whats going on. |
OP here; How on earth do you know who I am or where I live?
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| Raisin |
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| Posted: Sun, Jan 15 2012, 8:46 am Post subject: Re: re: Ready to quit!!!! |
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| amother wrote: | | amother wrote: | In defense of my community:
My kids go to the school you pulled your kids out of. Yes, you have reason, but a good portion of us have no reason to pull our kids out and don't appreciate our school being bashed regularly-by anyone. I don't know if you do that, but if you do, it will not endear you to the rest of the community.
As for the stupid comments people make-they speak for themselves, not for everybody. Most people really don't hold it against you. Yes some do and may be verbal about it, but if you do not bash the school then the rest of the community won't bash you.
As for the shul message line. Are you a paid member of the shul? Because that is who is on the calling list. If you are not a member of the shul then your name is removed from the list.
You are not shunned by the community. Most of the information that is given out in the community is through the school and phone line. You are obviously out of the loop there. And you don't live in the middle of the community to 'run into people on the street'. So how would you find out what is going on? How many women do you call regularly to chat with? How are women supposed to know you are looking to be part of things?
It is up to you to reach out more to people rather than expect them to track you down to let you know whats going on. |
OP here; How on earth do you know who I am or where I live? |
I have no idea who you are but if I lived in your town how many families like you do your think there are? Unless you have disguised details such as number of kids, your level of education, etc.
You obviously don't live in a large community (or there would be more school options).
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| Happy Mom |
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| Posted: Sun, Jan 15 2012, 7:20 pm Post subject: re: Ready to quit!!!! |
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OP, all homeschooling moms go through hard times sometimes - burnout is a classic topic at homeschooling conferences for homeschooling parents of all backgrounds because of this!
What repeatedly jumps out at me when reading all of your comments is how locked in you are to your academic schedule. I understand why you feel the program you're using justifies its limitations, but the fact is that this is going to continue to be a source of stress for you unless you can find a way to loosen up while working within the framework of this program. Or find another framework that will allow you to experience of the true joys of homeschooling, the freedom to work at your own pace, to explore and do fun things with your kids, and not be locked into someone else's schedule.
I've never had a child who was working until 4 pm on academics, not even those in high school. That's a mighty long day, and I'd be totally burnt out if I was working your hours, too! It's hard to make time for yourself, but it's really critical. You can only continue to give to others if you feel filled up inside; if you don't, giving to others will deplete you. The resentment is one obvious sign this is already happening.
I'd suggest you consider a mandatory one hour break for everyone - put the little ones in for a nap, tell the other kids to stay in their rooms and be quiet, and take some time for yourself to unwind. I did this when I had six littles (around when my oldest was 9 - 11), my husband was hardly ever home, no money for babysitters, and no social life - and this is what recharged me and kept me feeling renewed - my daily self time. I didn't have to wait until the nightime when I was collapsing. And neither do you.
I'm sorry for the difficulties you're having in the community, and while it's true that many people are excluding of others who don't make the same choices as them, I've found that if you reach out to others and focus on the things you have in common, that these gaps can often be bridged. Maybe if you were able to focus on doing what's best for your family rather than on having a stinky school situation, people would feel less threatened by your position? Just some thoughts of what's worked very well for us over the years, and why I believe that we've hardly encountered the situations that are common for most homeschoolers, bli ayin hara.
_________________
Avivah - grateful mom of ten amazing kids (ages three - nineteen and our gorgeous baby boy with Trisomy 21!)
http://oceansofjoy.wordpress.com
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| amother |
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| Posted: Sun, Jan 15 2012, 11:49 pm Post subject: Re: re: Ready to quit!!!! |
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| Happy Mom wrote: | OP, all homeschooling moms go through hard times sometimes - burnout is a classic topic at homeschooling conferences for homeschooling parents of all backgrounds because of this!
What repeatedly jumps out at me when reading all of your comments is how locked in you are to your academic schedule. I understand why you feel the program you're using justifies its limitations, but the fact is that this is going to continue to be a source of stress for you unless you can find a way to loosen up while working within the framework of this program. Or find another framework that will allow you to experience of the true joys of homeschooling, the freedom to work at your own pace, to explore and do fun things with your kids, and not be locked into someone else's schedule.
I've never had a child who was working until 4 pm on academics, not even those in high school. That's a mighty long day, and I'd be totally burnt out if I was working your hours, too! It's hard to make time for yourself, but it's really critical. You can only continue to give to others if you feel filled up inside; if you don't, giving to others will deplete you. The resentment is one obvious sign this is already happening.
I'd suggest you consider a mandatory one hour break for everyone - put the little ones in for a nap, tell the other kids to stay in their rooms and be quiet, and take some time for yourself to unwind. I did this when I had six littles (around when my oldest was 9 - 11), my husband was hardly ever home, no money for babysitters, and no social life - and this is what recharged me and kept me feeling renewed - my daily self time. I didn't have to wait until the nightime when I was collapsing. And neither do you.
I'm sorry for the difficulties you're having in the community, and while it's true that many people are excluding of others who don't make the same choices as them, I've found that if you reach out to others and focus on the things you have in common, that these gaps can often be bridged. Maybe if you were able to focus on doing what's best for your family rather than on having a stinky school situation, people would feel less threatened by your position? Just some thoughts of what's worked very well for us over the years, and why I believe that we've hardly encountered the situations that are common for most homeschoolers, bli ayin hara. |
OP here: Thanks Happy Mom for your post! I read your blog often and it's great!
While I really like the structure of the program (and the kids do too!), we also need some of the flexibilty that homeschoolers have in their day. They do have online sessions they go to daily, but I have been thinking of other ways to do their work. B'H, I have taught many ages, and have a whole library of resources. I think I am going to make each kid a fun folder, with activities related to the subjects they are learning, but that are fun too....projects, word finds, games, etc. I think they will really enjoy that. I remember when my first dd started, we spent 12 hours that first day on work, doing every activity in the teacher's guide. We called the program up right away, and they explained that not every activity needs to be done. They offer enough so that kids can choose what they are interested in with each lesson. After that, it took 5 hours. My kids aren't stessed, they just don't like that they get behind because of all the Yom Tovim in the Fall. I reassured them (and myself!), that the new semester is starting soon, and we we all have a fresh start. Everything must be done, and we all get to start again.
The kids do have breaks during the day for snacks, lunch and playing in the yard. I do like your idea of one set time just for everyone to rest. I'll have to check their schedules to see if it'll work for everyone at one time. I think it might for only 1/2 in the late morning, but that might be great for everyone to take a rest before the afternoon begins. Everyone is done by 3:30. I may have to have 2 set breaks depending on the schedules, and divide the kids into 2 groups. I do like the suggestion though.
Tomorrow is a day off for the kids. A perfect time for a break! We have a lot of fun things planned for the kids. I think a break will recharge everyone before the final end-of-the semester push! We also decided next Shabbos to go to my in-laws! They have a lot of fun things planned for Friday and Sunday. The kids really want to get all their work done so they don't have to worry about it there. However, my mil said if the kids aren't done, she is going to work with them! So, either way (they'll be done or my mil will work with them) I will get a break. Also, by my in-laws there is a fabulous school supply store. I plan to go and buy some new organizers, games, art supplies, posters, etc. Just it time for the new semester, it wll be perfect. (We have a few walls left without any posters!)
I have thought a lot about our choice to homeschool. Ironically, many years ago I took a public speaking seminar for women at my husband's yeshiva and my topic was homeschooling! At the time we had 3 children, my oldest had just turned 4. I spoke about why I felt one day I would homeschool and why I thought it was an excellent choice to educate children. I had taught in the boys' elementary school, and really didn't like a lot of things I had seen there. I was exploring the homeschooling option and seriously considering it for kindergarten. At that time, my dd was in preschool, and we found a Montessori school for her. When it came time for kindergarten, I had just had my 4th child, and didn't feel I could homeschool then. The Montessori school created a kindergarten program for her. After that year, we moved and life went on, and I didn't explore the homeschooling until I guess I was forced to. Maybe this was all just HaShem's way of leading me to the decision He knew I should have made anyway! I need to find a copy of that speech. I think it would give me a tremendous amount of chizuk.
As for the community: Before what happened with the school happened, I was very happy here. I had no idea what was going on, what was being planned. As a result, we decided to pull our kids out. I believe the majority of people if they were in our situation would have done the same thing. I actually really liked it here. However, I do not go around bashing the school or community,, or trying to convince others to homeschool. I don't even like talking about any of it. It was a rather painful time for my family, and I would like to move forward. There are a few individuals I would rather not have anything else to do with, but other that that no one else. I have had people ask for information about the homeschooling option, and a number of them would like to do the same thing we are doing. I just give the info. I don't say, "Get your kids out of there!" or anything similar. I'm sure there are people who are happy there. We were, until everything happened. It's shocking to me that random people say things like, "Well, if you aren't part of the school, you aren't part of the community" or the rabbi who often says to dh, "You still live here? Why don't you just move already?!" I don't ask for these comments or conversations, and when I go to shul or anything else in the community, I would actually prefer not to talk about the whole thing. It's not what defines me or my family. We are a lovely family, with a lot to offer any community. Perhaps people should really try to get to know us, instead of assuming what they think they know about us. In the past few weeks, I have received 3 phone calls from people who never call asking if we are sending are kids back there and what we are doing for school next year. I have listened politely, but my answer is homeschooling. I have no idea why all of a sudden people are calling. It's not like they are calling to shoot the breeze. It's really strange.
B'H, dh and I have some very nice friends here, who are very supportive. I don't care if everyone likes us or our choice to homeschool, but I just wish they'd leave us alone if they don't approve.
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| amother |
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| Posted: Mon, Jan 16 2012, 5:57 pm Post subject: re: Ready to quit!!!! |
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I spoke to the person in charge of the message line. if you are who I think you are, then you are still on the list. But your home phone is rarely answered, and your answering machine is not compatible with the message line. So you don't get messages for that reason only. Call her yourself if you don't believe me. She said she has tried to call you, but no answer.
And, no, I didn't use names, she guessed it on her own when I said you think you were removed from the list.
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| Posted: Mon, Jan 16 2012, 6:12 pm Post subject: Re: re: Ready to quit!!!! |
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| amother wrote: | I spoke to the person in charge of the message line. if you are who I think you are, then you are still on the list. But your home phone is rarely answered, and your answering machine is not compatible with the message line. So you don't get messages for that reason only. Call her yourself if you don't believe me. She said she has tried to call you, but no answer.
And, no, I didn't use names, she guessed it on her own when I said you think you were removed from the list. |
OP here: I don't know who you are or who you are talking about. My home phone is answered all the time. We get numerous calls every day. I check the caller ID regularly to make sure nothing is missed. I check my voicemail every hour. Plenty of messages are left on our voicemail system and the messages from the communty line I am speaking of used to leave messages on it for many years, ever since about 2 days after we moved here. We have been using the same system for years and have made no changes to it.
Perhaps instead of posting public messages here, you should contact the person you are speaking about directly?
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ClaRivka |
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cleaning lady quit!!!
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amother |
Inquiries & Offers |
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Mon, Aug 27 2007, 9:52 pm
curly |
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