Self-directed?

Posted: Sun, Dec 11 2011, 10:55 pm Post subject: Self-directed?

my 7 yo ds with ADHD (super complex type) doesn't get that he must beat to others drums - at school and at home. He will comply if it suits him but not if it doesn't. How can I get him to be compliant on a consistant basis? I see that my other kids are able to do this naturally but my special one (who is also gifted intelligence) really cannot blindly do as he is told by adults.
Not sure what the source of this is: he certainly seems to lack an awareness that there is a hierarchy out there where elders - ie. teachers, parents, adults are to be obayed, respected etc in a manner different that his peers.
any ideas on how to teach him this and gett him to accept direction better?

thanks in advance....

Platinum Member Joined: Oct 14 2009 Posts: 5868

What have you tried so far?
What kind of things does he have a better/worse time complying with?

Posted: Mon, Dec 12 2011, 12:38 am Post subject: re: Self-directed?

That is really hard.
Have you tried recognizing every time he does? 'Hey, great job Dovie! you listened so nicely!' - for example.
Or, what about a positive reinforcement chart - where you put the targeted behaviors down on the chart
Dovie is:
A Great Listener!
Did what he was told so quickly today!
Cleaned up his mess the first time being asked!
etc

(Dovie is my random name of the night Very Happy

) Mark off each time he does it. Praise his behavior! Don't call attention to the negative behavior - because that's rewarding the bad behavior, instead do your best to ignore it.

Other suggestions - working to earn something when he does X a certain number of times. Make sure he's eating a healthful diet - knock out the food coloring if you use it and the fake sugars - make sure he gets enough protein - it will feed his brain and keep him going longer with the potential of better concentration.
_________________
Rivka

Posted: Mon, Dec 12 2011, 12:45 pm Post subject: re: Self-directed?

OP here. we have been doing behavior mod for years and he has definatly improved alot - but I want to know how to give him that push so that he can follow directions -especially when he doesn't want to right now. He doesn't get that he must comply with parents/teachers/adults requests right away even if he doesn't want to/doesn't agree. He is very motivated by reward etc but I would love for him to get that listening is the right thing to do not just for the incentive.... any advice on how to do this?

Platinum Member Joined: Oct 14 2009 Posts: 5868

Maybe a story/book (a social story?) or something about how grown ups care and kids can stay safe and happy by following directions?

Some coaching on how and when it is appropriate to disagree? Because sometimes it's ok to ask if a direction can be put off or cancelled, but some kids don't get the difference between occasionally and appropriately asking for this, vs. oppositional defiance. The smart kids, if you tell them never to disobey or argue with directions, will just ignore you because they know that's not true and you can get away with it sometimes. So it may need to be clarified.

Posted: Mon, Dec 12 2011, 2:54 pm Post subject: re: Self-directed?

Maybe let him know that some of the time you've been acknowledging his behavior/rewarding/etc, but now since you know he's doing such a good job you are going to be surprising him some of the time, but he won't be getting something all of the time. He'll have to stay on his toes and each time it will be a surprise if he gets something or not...

hope that made sense, I'm waiting to hear from my dh who's in the e.r. with my ds.