Dessert Buffet Invite for Bar Mitzvah

We are iy'h making a Bar Mitzvah very soon. Our list keeps getting longer and longer who we should invite for the sit down seudah. So we are thinking if we should make our list smaller by making a dessert buffet for neighbors and for not close friends. I would like to get your opinions if you get an invitation for dessert only if you go or you get insulted that you were not invited for the whole thing. Also, did you have to reply if you were coming.

It is fine to do this if the seudah is really small. A good friend did this recently. The seudah was about 20 couples of friends (2 tables men & 2 tables women). They also have a lot of family. It ended up being around 130 pple (I think)People did come for just dessert. because it was a small enough circle of friends invited for seudah. Once you go bigger people feel insulted.
The only problem was that someone was still speaking when guest started coming in for dessert. The caterer had it all set up but hadn't finished clearing from the meal. So my advice would be get the speeches & meal cleared with a few minutes to spare. Let the boys be dancing so there won't be an awkward gap time.

my parents did this. But the buffet was real food too - sandwiches, finger food and so on. And the ONLY people invited to the seuda were classmates and family. so no one felt left out.

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48153

Why not have a party for family and close friends, and invite the rest to a kiddush when your son has his aliyah.

Personally, I don't like to get dressed up and go out for a bite of cake & to say mazel tov at 10 PM.

Posted: Sun, Nov 13 2011, 6:45 pm Post subject:

In EY a "kibbud kahal" is pretty standard. Seudah for family and the boys class (or whatever) and a buffet of desserts, bourekas, etc. afterward for everyone else. Yes, some people might get insulted. Either they will figure it out or not. When we did this in EY I heard that some of the young Americans were insulted. :shrug:
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people may get insulted if you invite some friends and not others. (what, I'm not mrs golds best friend!?)

OP here. The kiddush is not going to be in the same city as we live. So we don't have the option to invite the neighbors to the kiddush. We could send them an invitation to the kiddush but its not like they could show up to it.

Posted: Mon, Nov 14 2011, 2:37 am Post subject:

"In lieu of kiddush Shabbat morning, please join us for dessert & dancing at 9:00 p.m., Sunday..."
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Gold Member Joined: Apr 23 2007 Posts: 2419

My sister does this. She makes a seudah for the kids class and family (maybe a table or so of their closest friends) then invites the community/extended family for the speeches followed by dessert reception and dancing. Works out great

Gold Member Joined: Sep 12 2011 Posts: 1943

OP here. We are thinking now to invite everybody for the Bar Mitzvah but on the response card they have the option to check if they are coming for dinner or dessert. So hopefully the people that are just looking to stay for a half hour will be honest and not make us pay for a seat.