GAAAH!!!!!!! (warning: vent)

Posted: Wed, Jan 18 2012, 8:25 am Post subject: GAAAH!!!!!!! (warning: vent)

Names and details changed in case my employer is on this site.

I'm sort of between jobs now, thanks to the American economy; I found a part-time babysitting job and my husband BH has work in a pretty high-paying field, so we're doing okay for now. Good thing, because I've already given notice and I'm leaving the babysitting job at the end of the month whether I find something new or not. Thing is, she doesn't know exactly why I'm leaving it. Here we go:

I've spoken to her once before about the situation, but it's only gotten worse, not better. Naomi* and Michael* hired me to watch their then six-month-old daughter (and I've been working for two months), and at first it was fine, they both went to work and I'd babysit and all was well with the world. Then Michael...lost his job or started working a different shift or something, I don't even know and I don't care...but he was around the house aaaaall the time. I couldn't sing to the baby (kol isha), I couldn't even talk to her much because who wants to use baby talk when there are random men listening...I spoke to them once (mostly to point out...um hello yichud concerns!) awhile back and they agreed he'd get out of the house, but that hasn't happened.

It's only gotten worse. Not only is Michael in the house, but he's RIGHT THERE IN THE SAME ROOM on the computer while I'm trying to calm down a fussy, teething, and these last few days sick baby who won't eat or drink anything I give her. He'll either ignore us (with I'm grateful for but still feel like I need to keep the baby and me both silent so he can do whatever he's doing on the computer), or he'll interrupt me and say things like "can you go switch the laundry please" (they have me do light housework too, with the understanding that the baby comes first) or "give her a bottle" (don't you think I tried?!) or even "did you wash your hands with soap after you changed her diaper?" (duh!) Naomi has told me from the start, let the baby cry if you need to, I want you to feel comfortable going into a different room to get things, putting her down even if she's clingy, stopping to eat or go to the bathroom...basically, she told me, she wouldn't ask me to do anything she can't do herself. And sometimes that means a crying baby. But I just always feel self-conscious when Michael's there.

Oh, and regarding yichud, I really think there have been some forbidden situations, for example when when Naomi tells me she won't be back for three hours and then I find out that my husband left the city because he left his cell phone at home and couldn't let me know. That happened the other day and if I'd known, I'd've insisted on the door being open. Also regarding yichud, he's actually lied to me about it before: he keeps telling me that having the door open is unsafe for the baby because it's too cold, but having it closed is fine because they know their neighbors well enough that anyone can and will just pop in unannounced. Then I heard from Naomi that she was nervous leaving me alone in the house with the door unlocked because she doesn't know their neighbors at all, they're not Jewish, and who knows what could happen. And I'm thinking ummm WHAT?

Like I said, I'm quitting anyway at the end of the month, but...my husband wants me to call her and quit NOW. He says the conditions are unacceptable and have only gotten worse when I was promised better, and that I'm entitled to leave with no notice. I say, but waitasec, then I lose her as a reference which can affect my job-hunt in future (as long as I'm between "real" jobs, babysitting is always a good way to bring in a few extra dollars). But I can't keep going like this. The baby was screaming all day today and only wanted to be held (and eight-month-olds are heavy!) and Michael was right there in the room and I literally didn't even have time to eat at all today and I was close to crying when I left.

What should I do? Is it reasonable to quit now and lose a reference? Can I do that to her? (we don't have like a legal contract or anything.) Or should I just stick it out another week?