Scaring the kids into yiddishkeit

Beginner Joined: Apr 22 2011 Posts: 12

my first grade daughter could not fall asleep tonight because her teacher told them that if they touch a hole in their body (example mouth or nose holes) when hands are tumah and not washed the hole might close maybe right away maybe later my daughter is traumatized. what dou you think of teaching yiddishkeit with fear that the children should learn.

I think it is a bad idea. It might have been appropriate in other generations but in ours I think is likely if done too much, God forbid, to drive our kids away from yiddishkeit.

But...
Talk to the morah, maybe she did not mean to scare the kids and she can help your daughter relax. My DD, age 5 used to be terrified of the Shabbat angels coming home with Abba after shul. No one tried to scare her, they just told her about them and she got scared.

I just reread you original post and am even more troubled because what the morah told her is just not true. I still think you need to speak to the morah.

Posted: Mon, Nov 14 2011, 11:31 pm Post subject:

Are you sure that she really understood what the morah said? I mean, that is just plain wrong and I doubt a morah for such an impressionable age would have made up something so crazy! If it really is was the teacher said, I think you should have a discussion with the teacher... Does she realize that her claim can be "disproven" by a daring 6-year-old? (I mean, what is wrong with telling a kid "we don't do that because H' said so"?)

there is real 'din' for 'aveiros' and that is scary enough for kids (more so for adults -I hope-) no need to scare them even more. learning about yiddishkeit should be fun, relaxing and warm.
you should definitely talk to her morah about it.

if the child's main impression of yiddishkeit is one of fear, then they will be quick to throw it away entirely when they grow up and are less impressionable. yiddishkeit should be an expression of the love between us and HKBH.
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Silver Member Joined: Feb 01 2009 Posts: 694

My 2nd grade dd came home from school quoting her teacher: If the sleeves are not long enough, the arm will be cut off with a sharp knife, if the skirt is not long enough the leg will be cut off with a sharp knife, & if she doesnt say kreat shema in siddur the eyes will be stabbed with sharp knife!!!!! Shocked

Diamond Member Joined: Sep 18 2004 Posts: 2600

Gold Member Joined: Jan 12 2010 Posts: 2278 Location: US

OP, what the teacher said is not made up out of the blue, it is in the gemara. But I still DO NOT think it's appropriate to teach this to little kids. There are many things in the gemara that are not understandable on a basic level and should not be taught to young kids who take things very literally.

But you never know with kids - I remember after learning about the mabul in Parshas Noach in second grade, I would be petrified, and I mean really scared, every time it started to rain, that it would turn into a flood. And she was a really good teacher, but maybe I was just an over anxious kid.

Gold Member Joined: Mar 04 2009 Posts: 2236

This is called:

TRAUMATIZING KIDS IN THE NAME OF RELIGION!

1. It is abusive.
2. Self serving
3. Puts down the beauty and essence of Torah.
4. Distances the child from real Torah values.
5. Makes the child fearful and distorts her thinking of Yiddishkeit.
6. Gets the child to view the whole world as about power and punishment.
7. And not about connection to Hashem and being a special yiddishe child.
8. Makes the child shallow
9. Creates anxiety and numerous coping mechanisms to deal with that anxiety.
10. And did I mention it is abusive!

As Jews we are expected to rise above, to elevate ourselves, not to behave like idiots that indoctrinate our kids with terror and rigid narshikeiten.

Silver Member Joined: Oct 08 2007 Posts: 506

OMG, this is outrageous. Well said sneaker mom. So wrong. OP and the other mother with the cutting off experience, would you mind saying which schools those are. Because we are in the process of moving to bklyn and I don't want to put my kids in those schools. thanks

Gold Member Joined: Sep 12 2011 Posts: 1964

Silver Member Joined: Feb 01 2009 Posts: 694

Gold Member Joined: Sep 12 2011 Posts: 1964

Grin wrote

Moderator Joined: Aug 14 2005 Posts: 4555 Location: Ohio

I would have DH call the morah and relate what your child said and get her side of the story first. If she sticks with that, then I would ask for a meeting with you, DH, morah and menahel about the chinuch your child is getting and your concerns.

Best of luck.
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Platinum Member Joined: May 07 2008 Posts: 8963

Platinum Member Joined: May 07 2008 Posts: 8963

"Chinuch" like that would make me go OTD immediately. That teacher has clearly forgotten that in Shma we say **veAHAVTA** et Hashem Elokecha, and that "yir'at Shamayim" means "awe and respect", not abject terror.

Beginner Joined: Nov 13 2011 Posts: 4

One of the favorite lines I heard about chinuch (I think it was from Rabbi Pinchos Jung)
is: "Don't be a policeman- be a salesman!"

If you want your children to do the right thing, teach them the beauty of it, but don't scare them into it. If you scare them they will never appreciate it internally.
Nonetheless, I agree you should speak to your teacher. Children, especially little ones misunderstand teachers all the time. I teach younger children and recently a mother told me that her daughter misunderstood something I taught in parsha. It wasn't anything scary or bad, but it was a lesson to me to be even more explaining.
This week when teaching about Sorah's miracles, I took a few extra minutes to explain what a nes is, since sometimes children get the wrong impressions about things.

If a child would chas vsholom ever be terrified from something I said, as a teacher I would WANT to hear from a mother, as long as the mother approaches the teacher properly by giving her the benefit of the doubt, such as, "My daughter probably misunderstood you, but she thinks you said..."