so thats it we can't afford to live here? how to know?

amother

Mon, Dec 10 2012, 3:32 pm

We are pretty frugal and in the past 5 years have put aside a considerable amount of money hoping to use it as a down payment. The problem is that we cannot afford mortgage payments for a home here. We have been looking for over a year and at this point I wonder if there is any solution. We have no car no cleaning help no real extras but it doesn't look like dh will be making much more in his field. He loves his stressful low paying job. He is in a rare situation because his field officially does not match his personality but bc this is behind the scenes job he can do what he loves. He would never get a job at a higher paying place or another city in thisfield bc anyone who meets him like in an interview or in a job fair wwould never give him a job in marketing and PR bc he is an extreme introvert with slight asperger tendencies. I have no degree and have no idea which field to pursue to make more money. Hashkafically our community does not encourage women to go study but for parnassa dh would be OK with it if it made decent money and dis not sacrifice our family life. Although housing is more expensive here everything else is easier and cheaper here.
But can we just not afford to live here?
What do we do? We can't just move bc of DhS personality issues and random talent.
Any advice?
I'm willing to do whatever it takes

Faigy86

Mon, Dec 10 2012, 4:51 pm

oodlesofnoodles wrote:

I just read your post again-if you have large savings, why do you feel that you can't afford to live there? It seems like you are managing just fine.

I think what she is saying is that they have been scraping and scrimping for years, and they still haven't been able to buy a house in their area. She is saying that they can't afford to buy - and therefore live in that community long term.
OP did I understand you?
In that case, you finding some part-time work would probably work to supplement your savings so that you can buy and I assume your current income would continue to be sufficient for your mortgage when you have one. Is that a possibility?

amother

Mon, Dec 10 2012, 4:52 pm

Op

You mean start school. I have zero credits. In what field? I am clueless about where to start I'm not very bright or talented. I am good with people that's all. I had a really hard time in school and was glad to be out when I was. I have tried business and lost quite a bit if money.

We have substantial savings because we have not put any kids in school yet (oldest is almost 3) we live frugally and we rent a small place. We can afford a down payment but not the mortgage especially with tuition costs coming up. And tuition here is considered cheaper than other places where I would need a car have no job prospects and have no help.

What do you think?

Barbara

Mon, Dec 10 2012, 5:06 pm

amother wrote:

I don't believe that you're not bright. You are certainly able to write and communicate clearly. Perhaps you simply were not interested in the subject that you took at school.

In any case, think about the things that you enjoy, and how you might earn money with them. Not every job requires a degree. Perhaps you night be interested in a job in sales.

Moreover, purchasing a home is not a necessity, although it is nice. If you can rent a while longer, you will have a bigger down payment, meaning a lower mortgage.

Good luck.

amother

Tue, Dec 11 2012, 10:39 am

op

When I say I'm not bright, I mean school/book smart. Going back to school would be hell for me. I am a very bad tester and I have trouble with memorizing and things like that. With mommy brain now, the thought just makes me shudder.
If I have to I will, but I am still lost about what to go for. Anything with numbers or technology, systematic things all boggle me. I was looking into social work but it does not pay well at all and has a very high burn out rate. I was advised against it also because I would take it too personally. I tried teaching young children but I found that I didn't have patience for my own kids after a day of work with all these others.
Also how will we afford life while I am in school? We afford life now because I do the childcare and we have no cleaning help and I barely barely manage.

My real question is can we make it work here? How can we move without job stability for DH?

causemommysaid

Tue, Dec 11 2012, 12:54 pm

being in school with a family is hell. but what are your alternatives?

you dont earn enough now and unless you get higher earning power you will be stuck in the future.

if you dont choose a technical field, you will prob not need more than 1 math class and 1 science class total. usually they have classes that fill those requirements without being too difficult especially at community college.

another idea if you dont want to pay for daycare while in school is to do distance learning and online classes as well as clep exams. you can do that while your kids are aleep and save the daycare money.

there are lots of programs that are 1-2 years. you dont need to be in school forever. what about an ultrasound tech? or physical therepist assistant? check out your local community colleges. there will be tons of lower level careers that can take 2 years and under.

oh and if you have never been to college you will probably get tons of financial aid. ask the schools. you can save thousands of $

shiffycc

Tue, Dec 11 2012, 1:39 pm

It sounds as if you are in a community you are happy in. DH is in a position that is low stress, that suits him, and that he is getting a certain amount of sipuk from. It sounds as as if youre happy with the level of ruchnius in your community too. I don't see any reason why you would leave your community. Having a husband who is out of work or in a miserable work environment is much more challenging than not being able to buy a house. Although it seems like a good idea, it really is no picnic owning a house. There are a lot of expenses that come up, etc. It is something that is good to work towards, for financial stability, but not imperative. It sound s as if you are very real with Dhs limitations, as well as your own. But seriously, it seems (at least to me) that there isn't much of a way for DH to leave his job(at least not right now) . If you, personally, can get a job to add to the income, and you can continue to live carefully, perhaps things can change in a few years. You could work in retail, or take one of those courses tht train you for medical billing at home or whatever.

amother

Tue, Dec 11 2012, 2:00 pm

If you want to stay where you are then you need to figure out how to make it work. You need to be open to embracing all possibilities. If you are committed to staying where you are, then change needs to happen Smile

If you want to stay where you are there needs to be more money coming in. Either from 1) YOU or 2) Your DH.

I know you mentioned your husband was in pr/marketing. I can only speak for my company, but there are 2 girls in our marketing department her are very quiet and awkward. If DH has experience (a few years) and has produced good work and has good references, other places might give him a chance. Why doesn't he apply to other positions and see if he can get anything with a better salary.

Option 2 is for you to get a job. I don't know about jobs without college. There is always teaching but that wont bring much in! Think about what you are interested in. For me, I knew I needed to make money for my family. I tried the sciences thinking id go into one of the therapies but I HATED IT! IT was very challenging for me and I was super bored. So I took accounting. Turns out I was pretty good at it. I am graduating in May and have a job lined up paying $65K per year plus bonus and benefits. TRUST ME I am not bright, I am not that talented. I was always a B student in high school, found work hard etc. Now I am a straight A student at a good university. If I can do it, anyone can do it. Just find what you are good at!

With that said, did you go to sem? I am assuming you live in NY - Touro college will take sem credits. If are ok with sciences, there are lots of condensed programs in PA, Nursing, OT, PT etc... I know Touro has some of these (OT, PT, maybe PA?) might be worth looking into. Otherwise there are faster certificates you can get for other things like dental hygenist or medical billing. There is also another frum program where you technically graduate from a school that starts with A - now I can't remember. There were always adds in the Yated. might be worth looking into.

Also, about moving, DH can look into jobs in other cities, but a lot of the lower cost cities have very tight job markets - but you can look into other cities, perhaps put some feelers out etc.

The last thing I will mention is my DH is awkward and quiet. Ive spent a lot of time teaching him and modeling how to act, how to be on interviews etc... What specifically to do, what specifically not to do. Its helped him a lot socially and professionally.

I hope this was helpful! Good Luck! You can do it!

fromnj

Tue, Dec 11 2012, 3:11 pm

Do you live OOT? If not, most of the NY/NJ area is pretty commutable by train, bus, etc. My friend's husband commuted from Central NJ to Long Island for two years. He took the NJT to the LIRR and his company had a shuttle from the train station to the office. Not idea, but not impossible.

Why do you feel like you need to buy a home? Many people rent their whole lives.

If sounds like you would do well in sales. There are many opportunities for sales jobs in areas such as insurance, pharmaceuticals, etc. that don't require any additional schooling. As long as you can speak well and are personable you could be a good match. I would not go to Touro, Adelphi, etc. The amount of money you would spend is far more than a degree would be worth.

I also agree that DH might have to move a little out of his comfort zone to contribute more to your family finances. Having school age kids is more expensive than you realize.

As a back up, you might want to start to look for other communities, just so you aren't caught off guard and you know what is out there.