Make child more outgoing?

Posted: Mon, Nov 06 2006, 11:57 am Post subject: Make child more outgoing?

My 4 year old daughter is a great child, but not very outgoing. I asked her teacher who she plays with & she answered that DD really plays by herself. However, I invite a girl over every shabbos & they get along beautifully.

Question is: how do I make her more outgoing? or do I? Maybe that's just her personality? But it can't be good for her to play alone in school!!!

Active Poster Joined: Mar 25 2006 Posts: 76

You can't make her more outgoing, but you can increase her exposure to other kids.
Invite a wide variety of kids to your house, so she gets comfortable with them.
Have more than one over, and observe how they play. Observe if you child anti-social, or just enjoys playing alone? Observe if it happens at home as well. Observe which kids she will play with etc...

Is she younger than the rest of the class?

Platinum Member Joined: May 16 2005 Posts: 6262

A child (and any person) should be accpeted for who they are. I think its the teachers job to encourage her in school to play with the other children.... and see why she isnt playing with them. is it because they arent nice.... or is it because shed rather play alone... thats the teachers job. if you find she gets along well with kids at home I dont think its a problem.

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48153

ditto

Diamond Member Joined: Oct 24 2005 Posts: 4689

I agree-- you can't make a person be something she is not, and well-meaning parents are often unwittingly cruel to more reserved children in their misguided efforts to make them the life of the party. If she plays well one-on-one, then that is her personality; learn to love it. Try to invite classmates over more often so she becomes more comfortable with them.

also try asking her why she plays alone in school. Is this her first year in school? maybe she's not yet used to the idea of playing in a group. maybe she doesn't even know she's "supposed to" or "allowed to"! is she not interested in the same activities they are? does she not "know how" to play what they're playing? are they too rough, too loud, too physically active for her taste? does her lack of assertiveness mean she is always at the end of the line and always has to turn the rope and never gets to jump? It could even be something physical, such as deafness in one ear making it hard to follow conversations when more than one person is speaking at once. (don't expect a 4-year-old to be able to articulate all this, though.)

If it's none of the above or any other problem, well, we can't all be outgoing. after all, outgoing people have to have people to go out TO, don't they? There's much to be said for people who aren't always in your face.

Senior Member Joined: Aug 20 2006 Posts: 208 Location: NY

is ur daughter happy/content?
if she is, then this is her personality and she prefers things this way. still, I think inviting a playmate over once a week is a great idea to help her develop her social skills and learn to enjoy the company of a friend. but in general, don't push her or expect her to ever be that outgoing person in the center of a crowd.
if, OTOH, the child is unhappy and DOES want to play with others, but lacks the skills or confidence to make friends... that's a dif story.
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Posted: Mon, Nov 06 2006, 12:39 pm Post subject: re: Make child more outgoing?

good point, mammy - she's a little younger than the rest- just turned 4, while others have been 4 awhile. But I can't imagine that would be such a big impact on her relationships with them?

she is very quiet & takes awhile to come out of her 'shell' when not in familiar territory. I.e., when I take her to s/o else's house on shabbos she makes me stay & hardly talks- when asked why she says cuz she was nervous I was gonna leave- but I told her I wouldnt (& didnt). but when she has friends over at our house she's quite boisterous.

Is it better to have friends come over (so they see her true self & enjoy her companionship) or go over to other ppls houses so she gets used to it (but then the girls might not get to see the real her & think she doesn't talk/play...)

What games do children play at that age? could be she doesn't know how - good point- so what should I introduce her too.

HELP!
Thanks so much
this has been weighing on my mind awhile & I feel like I should DO s/t

Platinum Member Joined: May 16 2005 Posts: 6262

I think whichever she likes better. if she feels more comfortable with girls coming over to your house, then why not? some people who are much older are the same..

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48153

does your 4 year old have brothers and sisters?

Active Poster Joined: Mar 25 2006 Posts: 76

Posted: Mon, Nov 06 2006, 1:40 pm Post subject: re: Make child more outgoing?

my son is similar. he is the oldest and was with me at home until this september when he turned 3. he is intense by nature, and dosnt do well transitioning into different situations. dont worry it just might be his nature.
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