Did you marry your father & your dh marry his mother...

SO TO SPEAK!!!???
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Diamond Member Joined: Dec 26 2006 Posts: 4316

No, No and NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In some respects- yes, absolutely.
When I was dating, I was looking for s/o with similar qualities as my father.
Dh married s/o who is very similar personality-wise (very friendly) to his mother, though he will never admit it.

Diamond Member Joined: Apr 29 2006 Posts: 4774

In many ways yes, but totally didnt notice the similarities till months after we were married.
Me? His mother? UH...we're both female.......
(I love her dearly, have an awesome relationship with her but we are very very different)
I am quite similar to one of his sisters whom he is very close to, something he pointed out about a year after we got married.
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Posted: Fri, Jun 27 2008, 2:09 pm Post subject:

Neither of us did. He is totally different than my father, and I couldn't be more different than his mother.
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I went out w/ this guy who my father liked and after a few dates I realized what bugged me about him...he had all my fathers' bad qualities. Rolling Eyes

My dh couldn't be more different, except he also leaves cabinets open, doesn't put the milk back in the fridge, etc... Laughing

I'm nothing like his mother and it makes me crazy when he compares me to her. He compares w/ being emotional, but she is soooooooooooooo much more than me.

Mmmm... I searched for qualities that could be or not belonging to my dad, it wasn't about him at all. But they don't have so many common points, no.

As for me and his mother... and davka searched someone morally different, as for looks we have common points in eye colour and complexion, but I'm tall she's short, our faces are quite different, looks too, clothing it's night and day (well she's 60 or so lol).
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"It's all cultural, disagree respectfully", me

in some ways, yes and yes, in other ways no and no. There are certain middos htat my father posseses which were on my "he absolutely needs" "list" when dating. But personality wise the two are like day and night

And am I like my MIL? now that I know her after a few years of marraige, in certain respects, we definitely are similar. We think alike. We classify things and judge things in a similar fashion. But shes a SAHM, and I couldnt be one, thats a major difference I guess...

Gold Member Joined: Mar 08 2008 Posts: 2200

No and No. My husband is the direct antithesis of my father and the same with me and my mil...
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Platinum Member Joined: Jul 28 2006 Posts: 7191

Absolutely the opposite. My husband is totally opposite my father. My son in law is totally opposite my husband. We both clearly wanted the opposite.

When I was ready to start dating, my mother asked me what kind of guy I was looking for. My response was, "Someone like Daddy, only more mature!" I have a very good relationship with my father and I was looking for a husband who had all of my father's good qualities plus a similar hashkafa. My father is a bit of a practical joker, though, and I really didn't need to find someone with that tendency. The funny thing is that anytime that dh does something funny/weird that horrifies his mother when she sees or hears about it, it doesn't phase me because my father desensitized me. Laughing

I love my mil, and we get along really well, but I am nothing like her. I wonder if there is a single woman on imamother who would admit to being like their mil?

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 17 2008 Posts: 3561

I'm at least somewhat like my MIL. I'm also a lot like my mom. And I think that dh is a lot like my father, but not really like his so much (although they have a few little things in common).

Now in a lot of ways we're different - hashkafically, our approaches to certain issues, etc. But there are definitely strong personality aspects that are eerily similar...

Executive Member Joined: Apr 09 2008 Posts: 375

My MIL is a surgeon and DH's family has had the same housekeeper for 40 years. At some point I realized DH loved me because I am the synthesis of his mother and the housekeeper. I was older when I got married so I had an established career I was passionate about but I am also very domestic and love homemaking. When I told him my theory he totally agreed!

Posted: Fri, Jun 27 2008, 5:44 pm Post subject:

I married his mother, they are so alike!
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Diamond Member Joined: Aug 26 2007 Posts: 4037

tapuzi, that's funny.

in my case, there are many ways I am like dh's mother and he is like my father, both good and bad.

Executive Member Joined: Jun 05 2006 Posts: 299

I married MY mother!!!!!! Most of the things that bother me about dh are the things that bother me about my mother.
I don't think I'm like his mother. Maybe a tiny bit.

Executive Member Joined: Apr 29 2008 Posts: 324

I always thought that I was nothing like his mother, and DH was nothing like my father. As we get older, however, I see more similarities. I wonder if that's because of the 16 years of being "related", or were these things always there and I just never saw them?

I have a first cousin who so totally married his mother that it is scary. Everyone comments on it!

Executive Member Joined: Dec 20 2007 Posts: 435

The only similarity I can think of between my father and DH is that they both ALWAYS go back to make sure that they locked the door!!! It drove me insane when my dad did it, but I am more tolerant of DH Laughing

I just laugh it off when he does it...
Me and MIL? nothing similar I can think of Confused

Yes in some things, no in others.
Dh is brilliant like my father, a talmid chochom like him, short like him, handsome like him, courageous like him, wonderful like him, a good and kind father and husband, like him. Has a very wonderful but hidden sense of humor like him.

However his personality is different in other things because my father was a Holocaust survivor and of course dh is not.

I am somewhat like his mother in that I am strong, ambitious, and take good care of my family.
But in other things I am totally different. My MIL is no great balabusta and she loves to say that she is ten times better than her own mother, a fact which my fabulous FIL agrees with 100%. But hopefull I am much better. I think that my MIL having raised only boys, was a lot tougher as a mother than I am...
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I heard somewhere in a book that what makes people fall in love is their image of their caretakers (good and bad traits) merged into one that they now see in another person. Thats what makes them head over heels in love, and that in general causes stresses in marriage bec the same issues you had with your parents you now have with you spouse.

I davka wanted to marry someone completely unlike my father. The first few guys I went out with were so much like my father that it was scary. My husband, I was completely uninterested in for the longest time, and when we got married it was more because of compatability in all ways than bec of being head over heels in love... but bec of that, there are fewer fights, bec b'h he doesnt have the same bad qualities my parents had. And love develops, but I'll definitley admit that we hadnt had a head over heels period really...
So no, I didnt marry my father. I made sure of that. But it had its drawbacks as well.
What they have in common: Both very strong willed people. Both not the most talented sociailly, but for different reasons (my husband pashut isnt interested, my father bec he has aspergers syndrome). Both are very obsessed with their hobbies.
What they have different: My father is a very aggressive personality type, my husband is very aidel and non pushy. My father is very into education, math, careers, etc. My husband left school after 10th grade, and kept ditching beforehand starting from a young age, and doesnt even know how to do simple math. My father is a very unorganized slob, my husband is borderline neat freak.

When my husband fell in love with me years ago, it was actually when I was very emotionally needy, just like his mother is. B'h I'm not like that anymore, so aside for that, my mother in law and I are not alike at all. Differences- my mother in law is very into being immaculate and I'm a recovering slob. My mother in law has major obvious issues; mine are beneath the surface. We both are warm, loving, people, so I guess thats another thing we have in common.
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