Shared babysitter - can I leave?

Posted: Tue, Sep 13 2011, 9:40 am Post subject: Shared babysitter - can I leave?

I'm not thrilled with our current babysitting situation. From the get-go, I wanted a daycare rather than a babysitter, but we took a shared situation because I couldn't find a daycare in time. I don't really like the current babysitter, but I can't put my finger on why. We had an amazing situation with our old one, where she clearly loved DS, cared for him, even washed his clothing if they got dirty (!), and always sent him home happy and in a good mood.

This one is okay, but DH and I are not getting the same feeling from her. Sure, she feeds him, changes his diaper, takes him to the park, etc., but it's missing that extra level of caring that we had with our previous situation. Yesterday, for example, DS came home with a big strip of dirt along his leg. Did the bbsitter not notice? Not care?

We asked her to write down what DS does during the day (not anything crazy - just when she plays, sleeps, eats, etc.), so that we could get an idea of what was going on. She did it one day, but then said it was too much for her.

So we're actively looking for a new situation. What are our obligations to the people we're sharing with? WWYD?

bump

im in a similar situation and was wondering the same thing.

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7672

Notify them now, so they have time to find a replacement. They may be unhappy too, and you can find someone new to share.

I think the first thing to do would be to discuss it with those you are sharing with. I imagine this is an arrangement in which each of your rates are as is because there are two clients?

explain your concerns and ask for their impressions. unless your babysitter was hired with bathing the kids in mind, why should she wash off the leg? I don't wash my kids' dirty knees off the second they get dirty, I wait until bathtime. I know there are parents who would wash any noticeable dirt right away. I'm just more laid back than some. perhaps your sitter has a more laid back style. it could be she wants you to see your child did something outside that day. my dd's kindergarten morah expressed concern that I sent in a sleeveless smock, and I told her I don't mind doing laundry, and I like to see that my child painted at school. as soon as she said that, she was fine with the smock. some parents are more particular than others.

it seems to me your previous babysitter went above and beyond the call of duty. you need to know what is reasonable to expect from any babysitter you get. this is why you should talk to the other client. you need to know what to expect of your babysitter. you were spoiled with your last one, I imagine you won't find another such employee without a lot of searching. figure out with the other family what can be expected/asked of the babysitter. if you feel she falls short of that list, discuss looking for a new babysitter together.

btw, about writing down the activities, that is a huge pain when dealing with multiple kids. if you need to know certain things (times of bowel movements, amount eaten, etc), prepare some charts for your babysitter. make sure they are easy to understand and fill in. she should not have to do more than write "bm 2:35" or "2 oz green peas." you're more likely to get that filled out than an entire itinerary of their day with her. you can also make a list of possible activities for the day and ask her to check off any that were done. keep one pinned to the diaper bag, that's easy enough to do. but babysitters do not generally write detailed reports of the day's events.

all in all, if your kids are happy, safe, and well fed, I wouldn't try switching.

im the second amother. I probably should have mentioned that I'm not in the exactly same position. it's not that I had a previous babysitter that I liked more. its my first. just wondering how it would work if I would feel I needed to leave...

OP here.

There were a few other things that she did that were just not acceptable (including dropping my kid off where her friend babysat because she needed to do something for the other family), and so we ended up firing her. We spoke to the other family about 2.5 weeks before and told them that we were thinking about leaving, and would keep them posted. About a week before, when we had found an alternative, we told the other family that we would be leaving. They were actually really nice about it, and said that they were thinking about firing the babysitter as well, so things went MUCH better than they could have gone.

My recommendation to the second amother is to just be upfront about it with the other family. Give them some time, so if they need to find another family to split with, they can do that. In our community, where there are many families with kids, and lots of inquiries each week about babysitters, we decided that a week would be enough.

We decided not to tell the babysitter until that day, because we didn't want it to affect the level of care (however limited) she was giving our child. We did, however, pay her for an extra week after our last week with us.