Kids not academically bright

Posted: Tue, Aug 30 2011, 5:26 pm Post subject: Kids not academically bright

As much as I hate to come to terms with it, I'm getting a sneaking suspicion that my 5th-grader going on 6th is not as academically bright as I had hoped. Both DH and I came from background where (secular) higher education is valued, and naturally we expected our children to excell academically. Most of our kids are performing well, come home with good marks, except for this one. She has a good middot, socially well liked and creative, but she continues to struggle with schoolwork as much as we tried to get extra help from school and even hired tutors which really put her off further.

Is 5th grade too early to "give up" academic track? I was told her achievement this year is important if she wants to get to good high school. Is it better to focus on her creative side or should I persevere and push her through math and english tutoring? I dont really have a personality to be a tiger mom. I want her to be happy but don't want to rob her of future potentials.

Posted: Tue, Aug 30 2011, 5:34 pm Post subject: re: Kids not academically bright

I think that in the long run, it's usually much better for a kid's academic future to keep enjoying school than to do well in one subject or another. From what I've seen - B and even C students who enjoy school are much more likely to go on to get some sort of higher degree than even the brightest of the students who dislike school.

If you think that you can keep school a fun experience for your dd despite her difficulties, IMHO that's a more important goal than acceptance to a "good" school.

(That's assuming she's not so far behind that she's falling below grade level.)

Diamond Member Joined: Sep 16 2007 Posts: 4185

Posted: Tue, Aug 30 2011, 5:41 pm Post subject: re: Kids not academically bright

Your child has only you to depend on for academic help. Of course 6th grade is too early to give up! She can gain so many skills in these important years. Schools will expect her to try hard, so it's not an appropriate time to let it go.

In 12th grade she can decide if she will or won't pursue college.

Diamond Member Joined: Aug 07 2006 Posts: 2556

Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. There is no need to drive her to excel in every subject. Do help her figure out what her talents are, and nurture them. A "good" high school may not be for her; a less-prestigious setting might be great. Keep an open mind and look at the schools in terms of how well they meet your daughter's needs.

On the other hand, 5-6th grade academics are quite basic in many schools. At some point she will need to be able to put together sentences and paragraphs, do basic everyday math, read a map, distinguish between fact and opinion, and so on. I wouldn't "give up" on academics if that means giving up on basic literacy and life skills.

Is sixth grade really so critical? The high school application process doesn't even start for another two years. If your elementary school divides into "tracks" for middle school, that may work to your daughter's advantage. Not having to compete with stronger students may make the whole business less stressful.

Platinum Member Joined: May 07 2008 Posts: 8963

If I had a dollar for every "sweathog" elementary-school classmate of mine who made real good later on...I'm talking Master's degrees. A Ph.D. in nursing and one in chemistry. Some kids are late bloomers. Some don't get "into" school until they find something that grabs their interest. Some coast until they realize they have to start paying attention.

And if it turns out that your dc never does become the scholar you hoped for, there are worse things. Success isn't based just on academics. Business sense, people skills, initiative, creativity, and good old hard work have gotten people places that advanced degrees may not have.

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 17 2008 Posts: 3560

Moderator Joined: Aug 14 2005 Posts: 4555 Location: Ohio

Can you clarify is your child at least in the median of the class or not? Not all of our kids are going to be straight-A kids. A lot of things can contribute to a child not being top of the class. It may be that she's a learns in a different modality than what is commonly taught in, or that she has text anxiety. Low grades can also be from poor organizational skills, or procrastination.

For me, I try to focus on
1. does the child have good middot
2. is the child doing okay socially
3. is the child working hard to do her best in school

If all of those are a yes, and she's keeping up with the grade-level requirements, then I don't think you are giving up. You are just adjusting your expectations and taking your child as she is. Of course, you want to help her succeed wherever possible, but not at the expense of stressing her out and making her hate school. If she's getting mostly Bs and a few Cs, then it may not be k'dai to push for all As. If she's getting Ds, that's something else.

And I just wanted to say that I went through a rough patch academically starting in second grade and going through eighth grade. I wasn't motivated. I was bored a lot of the time and prefered reading to classwork. I brought home a lot of Cs and Bs in a house that expected all As.

In high school, I got motivated. My grades shot up to mostly As and a few Bs. I put myself through college on academic scholarships and working part-time and graduated with a 3.92 GPA on a 4.0 scale. BUT, I had a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety in college because there had been so much pressure put on for only As for so many years. When I finally internalized it, I went overboard. I remember crying and feeling like such a failure both times I earned a B in college. (Otherwise, it was all As for four years.) And that's not healthy either.

So don't give up. Encourage without pushing. Hatzlacha.
_________________
mommy to 2 girls, 1 boy

"I would rather have my people laugh at my economies than weep for my extravagance."
--King Oscar of Sweden