Fathers not touching daughters and mothers not touching sons

I made a mistake in the previous posts poll so I'm reposting:

How many of you know parents- who won't touch their children of the opposite gender once they reach bar or bat mitzvah age (or younger)? no hugging, kissing, or touching because of tznius? If you do know someone like this are they chassidish, litvish, or other? what is the reason? is there a basis in halacha- and what is it?

Diamond Member Joined: Aug 26 2007 Posts: 4037

I would just like to say that I would NOT be one of these non-touching parents, but I would certainly modify my touching as my kids get older, as I am sure they would with me. like right now I squeeze my little boys' tushies when I give them hugs. I doubt I'll be doing that for the long term. Laughing

Active Poster Joined: Apr 22 2005 Posts: 88

Children are never to old to deserve a hug or kiss from their parent. Although I wouldn't do it in public so I shouldn't embarrass them.

I can't say I know of a single man or woman that won't touch their own child. There's touching, and then there's touching and anyone that doesn't know the difference shouldn't be a parent.
_________________
Let your fellow's honor be as dear to you as your own and do not anger easily (Pirkei Avos/t)

Beginner Joined: Apr 10 2011 Posts: 10

not sure whats the problem with touching your own child I think the problem is when you dint touch them ever kids need love forever.

Never heard of not touching a child, a relative asked a shayla regarding their adopted children and there was no problem touching either.

Diamond Member Joined: Sep 18 2004 Posts: 2600

Why no option for those who've never heard of this?

Platinum Member Joined: Feb 20 2009 Posts: 7598

I find this very disturbing. The Torah prohibits negiah among ppl who have a relationship that can possibly turn physical. To make a point of not touching someone's own child is implying that this relationship can become a physical one. Sick. Please don't be frummer than G.d. And if someone is scared of being turned on by his daughter, he needs help asap.

I agree with MaBelleVie

Gold Member Joined: Oct 10 2010 Posts: 1056

My father only touches us when he bentches us Friday night. We used to hold his hand when we were MUCH younger, but now it's just weird for us. We were not raised with much physical love.

Check before- I'm with you, I cant remember the last time my father touched me- but its nothing to do with religion, and more to do with him being a physically cold and distant person who simply doesn't know how to have a relationship with his grown children (and for the record, I don't remember much touching when I was younger either- but can remember holding hands on the way to shul every once in a while)

Posted: Mon, Jun 20 2011, 3:14 am Post subject:

Gold Member Joined: Feb 15 2011 Posts: 1106 Location: UK

Maybe these kids were adopted?

Gold Member Joined: Jul 30 2009 Posts: 1684

its interesting, cuz my father is a very loving father and hugs and kisses all his kids, but I think (not as a rule of course) he stopped touching me after I got married, im not 100% sure but basically thats what me and my husband obsereved;)

How about adding to the poll, does your mother touch you? Yes you heard right, not even a kiss on the day of my engagement or wedding. So of course my father didn't either touch me much. Not because of any halachah, I guess they're just terribly unemotional people.
This has always bothered me greatly and I try to do it right with my own children, with Hashem's help.

Executive Member Joined: Jul 19 2010 Posts: 400

I don't know anyone who has such a rule, but I do know people who slowly phased out touching as their children grew older. Right now I kiss my father on the cheek as a hello and goodbye, and he touches me when he bentches me on shabbos. Other than that I can't think of any way we could touch without feeling uncomfortable.

I can see that several people voted that they do know someone who doesn't their children, but none of them posted to explain why. I would love to know the reasoning behind it, if such a thing exists.

Gold Member Joined: Oct 20 2010 Posts: 1671

Senior Member Joined: Mar 17 2008 Posts: 192

just heard a few days ago that a brother and sister are not allowed to touch.. I always give my brothers hugs when I see them after a long time....
or sayng goodbye... etc...
and my father always hugs when I see him after a long time also......

is there a basis that its not tznius to hug between bros and sisters?

When I see my father, first thing I get is a peck on the cheek. More so since I got married, since I don't get to see him as often now.

Never heard of such a thing....I have heard of those who don't touch their child of opposite gender in public, but my family personally is not makpid. Also wouldn't do it if my child didn't want it - I would respect their feelings.
_________________
Chayalle