Yelling At Kids? You're A Bully Mom!

Yes, it's true. I am your neighbor. It's driving me nuts the way you scream & shout at your kids. You dont even know what you sound like! What you say to them. It freaks me out & I don't know how your husband & children can handle it. If at any point you find yourself sounding anything like this

Link

GET HELP PLEASE! Before I will be forced to report you! Yes, yelling is abusive. Don't even bother arguing that point with me.

Weirdest thread ever.

Good luck reporting someone for "yelling" and not being called a loon.

Platinum Member Joined: Nov 01 2009 Posts: 8303

Some yelling is abusive. Some is not.

Sometimes people lose their cool. If it happens too often, it may be bullying.
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Wow! Most ppl I know are abusuve! Who would've thought?
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You do realize that because yelling bothers you, you might put someone in a very very painful and difficult spot, where the children will be way more traumatized than the yelling, right?
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Gold Member Joined: Jan 07 2009 Posts: 1794

Get over it. It freaks you out? Then deal with your own issues. Because I have seen kids whose parents dont scream at them, and they are monsters. Yes, screaming is sometimes a necessary evil. Unless there is actual abuse that you know of, don't put anyone through "reporting."

Beginner Joined: Jul 11 2010 Posts: 3

As with everything in yiddishkeit, there is a balance. All yelling is not wrong. Having fear of a parent b/c a child knows there is accountability and consequences for doing something wrong is perfectly commendable according to the Torah, as far as I understand. I'm tired of parents who don't hold there kids accountable for much, whose children are MONSTERS and cause other chilldren to suffer. Why is it ok for parents to cop out at other people's expense? ( this does not even mean you have to yell at them, just hold them accountable somewhow)

Gold Member Joined: Jan 07 2009 Posts: 1794

Just watched the video. Or rather, about 10 seconds of it. That is not yelling. That is abusive. There is a big difference between yelling at your kids and abusing them.

what is bothering you op? the yelling or the children being emotionally hurt? If it is the later wouldnt you think a more derech eretz approach would be to go and talk to the mother, make suggestions, offer advice (you must have some tips up your sleeve) for them to speak to someone.

If it is the former, why is the yelling bothering you? Yeah, yelling is annoying, but maybe you were yelled at too much in your childhood?

Yes, yelling is bad. It is real bad almost all the time unless your kid just ran in the street or picked up a knife, I,e, sakanos nefashos. How do you know that is not going on? That video is not about yelling. That is about the mother(s) having serious issues and the result, verbal abuse. Are you 100% sure that is what is happening there?

And obviously before anything you would have to clarify that.

Posted: Fri, Apr 08 2011, 10:00 am Post subject:

Get help?
Have you offered your neighbor help? resources? you sound judgemental and selfish and totally lacking in rachmanus. have you tried knocking on her door and seeing if she needs anything? Maybe she is overwhelmed and you can help.
change starts with YOU. Not others.
And yes, I do help overwhelmed neighbors and friends when I can, instead of just reporting them because they have issues.
You sound like your main concern is yourself and your comfort. If you cared about the children you would think of a better idea than calling the police for yelling.
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OK guys, calm down! I wasnt talking about just yelling out of frustration, I am talking about this kind of abusive yelling. Yes, this clip is exactly what my neighbor sounds like.

Platinum Member Joined: Dec 27 2007 Posts: 7368

If that's what your neighbor sounds like, I would call social services. The behavior in that video is way beyond "yelling."

Gold Member Joined: Jan 07 2009 Posts: 1794

For all you know, I might just be that lady yelling in the video.
I wouldn't know because I didn't hear it (K9), but you have no idea what the story is!
I use to judge pple just like you're doing now, AND THEN I HAD KIDS!

I am a very easy going, calm, happy person and my friends are always telling me what a great mom I am,
I'm always baking with my kids, taking them to the park, and playing with them when they're home,
YET if you would record some of the things going on in my house, it might just sound exactly as this video BECAUSE YOU DONT SEE THE FULL PICTURE!
I have a son who looks and acts ok, but can very often do extremely dangerous and crazy things.
yes, as calm as I usually am, if my son is not listening to a single word that I'm saying, and hurting pple in his way, then, there is going to be allot of screaming in the house!
unfortunately, this can happen several times a day.
doesnt mean that I need to be accused of child abuse.

DONT JUDGE OTHERS CUZ YOU DONT WANT TO BE IN THEIR POSITION!

Platinum Member Joined: Apr 12 2010 Posts: 5876

There is YELLING and there is yelling.

I sometimes have to raise my voice/shout at ds (he is only one) because he is being cheeky and when he sees me being strict he stops.

But I never scream like that lady in the video, I have heard my neighbor scream like that but that might just be how her voice gets when she shouts. I just hear I don't see.

If you see your neighbor abusing and hear her yelling I would report it but don't report if you don't know the full story!
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Executive Member Joined: Nov 28 2010 Posts: 356

can someone describe the video? I can't see it!!

I am posting this anon because my mother, mil and various other family members are on here but you all know me!

I once threatened to call the police on my mother. She lost her cool at my sister and threw something at her. I was petrified and I am traumatized till today. I pray every day that I should be more calm with my kids. My mother was not abusive she just used to lose her cool a bit too much and she could get scary if she did. Now that I am a mom I see how easy it is to do that and when I see myself getting angry at dc for whatever reason I move away from him, take a deep breath and calm down.

I would have been mortified if neighbors would have called social services on my mother, I would have denied it but there were times, and there still are times with my siblings, that my mother shouts/ed and I really got scared. I could cry till today about it.

Platinum Member Joined: Dec 27 2007 Posts: 7368

What makes the yelling abusive ? The loudness? How often it is? Or if I'm threatening to beat my child up?

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 11 2004 Posts: 19241

I couldn't watch past the first few seconds. If anyone doesn't recognize that as abuse, I feel extremely sorry for them.

Yelling is abusive when you've traumatized your child.

Amothers, if you sound like that, stop pretending it's normal and get yourself help. For the sake of your child who didn't ask to be born.
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