Is this a mean thing to do?

Posted: Fri, Apr 01 2011, 4:21 pm Post subject: Is this a mean thing to do?

My daughter has a girl in her class who is a neighbor also and she wants to always get together. this girl can be very mean. my daughter came home today and told me she hides in her cubby at school so this girl wont be mean and see her.
help I feel like crying righ tnow. I have an appt w the principal...but anyway
I want to tell this mother that I dont think it sa good idea for our girls to play together because they dont have a healthy friendship.
please tell me what you think. ive been losing sleep over this for weeks now.

Posted: Fri, Apr 01 2011, 5:17 pm Post subject: re: Is this a mean thing to do?

why are there no responses if 50 ppl looked at this

Posted: Fri, Apr 01 2011, 5:20 pm Post subject: re: Is this a mean thing to do?

don't get together.

how old is your child?

Posted: Fri, Apr 01 2011, 5:23 pm Post subject: re: Is this a mean thing to do?

four and I am fuming right now!!

Posted: Fri, Apr 01 2011, 5:28 pm Post subject: re: Is this a mean thing to do?

my daughter is being bullied and she had to hide in her freakin cubbie.
im so hurt I feel like crying
u know, I mentioned to the teacher shes mean, and she said shes mean to everyone even the teacher..

Posted: Fri, Apr 01 2011, 5:28 pm Post subject: re: Is this a mean thing to do?

my daughter is being bullied and she had to hide in her freakin cubbie.
im so hurt I feel like crying
u know, I mentioned to the teacher shes mean, and she said shes mean to everyone even the teacher..

Posted: Fri, Apr 01 2011, 5:32 pm Post subject: re: Is this a mean thing to do?

Its difficult to comment without knowing more.

What does your DD say? Is this a situation in which the girl is nice to your DD at home, but nasty at school? Do you think the other girl is being purposefully mean, or is she clueless? Is this a long-term problem or a one day thing? (I recall DS' nursery school teacher reminding us to take all *So and So is mean* comments with a grain of salt, as the kids are often best friends the next day.)

I certainly wouldn't encourage a friendship that upsets your daughter. Nor would I tell the mom its an *unhealthy* friendship. But I might say *Shoshi does X, which upsets DD, so DD would prefer not to play with her* Maybe mom can remedy the situation.
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Posted: Fri, Apr 01 2011, 5:37 pm Post subject: re: Is this a mean thing to do?

Of course you do what you have to in order to protect your child. If this other girl is a bully, you tell the mom that no, they cannot have playdates at this point, because you noticed that the girls don't play well together. She may not like it, so be prepared for a less than positive response - parents can be very blind to their own kids' bad behaviors at times. But protecting your daughter trumps your neighbor's hurt feelings.

Posted: Fri, Apr 01 2011, 6:35 pm Post subject: re: Is this a mean thing to do?

ok so ive already role played with her what to do. I told her when a girl is mean to her she needs to look at them in the eye and say you're not ttalking nicely, your not being nice....say that a few times and hopefully shell back off. I guess thats a better response than running away and hiding...

Posted: Sat, Apr 02 2011, 1:58 pm Post subject: re: Is this a mean thing to do?

Where is the teacher? The child shouldn't be bullied in school, and certainly shouldn't be hiding in the cubby.
If the other child is being mean the other child should be taken out of school and placed in an environment more towards her needs, or she should have an aide or someone who can control her, or the teacher needs to take more control.
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Gold Member Joined: Oct 20 2010 Posts: 1671

Good Luck to you! It must be horrible seeing your daughter hurting and feeling helpless. The bully may have issues, but usually bullies only start up with kids they feel they can bully. If I were you, I would take my kids for some social/play therapy to teach her skills. At a time that you feel calmer and in control, definitely tell mom that your daughter has been hiding in a cubby because her child was mean. I would not be rude to the mother just understanding that it is not her fault but you need to stop the playing for now. Hug

Posted: Sat, Apr 02 2011, 5:47 pm Post subject: re: Is this a mean thing to do?

A four year old should have support not to be friends with a child who treats her badly. About hiding, she shouldn't have to do that either. Try to encourage building other friendships, by arranging playdates, etc.
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Executive Member Joined: Feb 25 2007 Posts: 265

Bullying is very serious. Perl Abramoitz ( I don't have her number) has many ways of teaching children to deal with bullying. Find her number and give her a call.
I'm certain she can help you.
Its important that your child doesn't play a victim role. Gocd luck to you.