The best thing to do...

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 11 2004 Posts: 19241

when youre 3 year old cries his first day of school?

Posted: Mon, Sep 04 2006, 10:54 am Post subject: re: The best thing to do...

Posted: Mon, Sep 04 2006, 11:00 am Post subject: re: The best thing to do...

My 2 cents:

Especially if it's his first time at school or in a crowded environment (playgroup or multiple play dates), you might want to stay there with him. It might even take more then days getting over separation anxiety.

As a teacher, I'd say: Stay with him a little, even play with him and slowly separate from him in the classroom. After a few days, you can tell him that mommy is going to buy something and she'll be right back, and when you come back, you'll reassure him, you see, mommy is here.

Do not hold him close to you.

Do bring him in by holding his hand.

Don't make him anxious saying you're going and you're still there.

If you made up your mind to go- go.

Trust the teacher, she's done it b4, numerous times.

She will call you, upon your request, if things do get out of control.

But it is absolutely normal for a child to cry the 1st day and I would def. not leave him to cry nor take him home.

If his hours are long, you may want to cut them short for the first week or two.

You have to be the judge and communicate with the teacher and ask her for her input as well.
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Posted: Mon, Sep 04 2006, 11:02 am Post subject: re: The best thing to do...

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 11 2004 Posts: 19241

I really dont know if he is going to cry or not, but I think there is a good chance he will. (but who knows, he surprises me all the time Smile

)

he is going to be one of the only ones who has never been in daycare. his only babysitter is his Bubby. so school is a drastic change for him.
I've heard excellent things about the teacher and the assistants, which is a big load off my mind on that end.

I'll plan on staying there a few extra minutes with him for about a week, but since I'll have my 1 year old with us, I wont be able to stay very long.
I'll tell her to call me if he's not happy and if I have to, I'll come down.
I dont mind cutting short his hours either.

I'm still getting used to the idea that I have to have him awake, breakfast'ed, and out of the house in school by 9 AM.

Posted: Mon, Sep 04 2006, 11:55 am Post subject: Re: re: The best thing to do...

Gold Member Joined: Jul 27 2005 Posts: 1034

Staying with your child too long only aggravates the situation. Once a mother leaves, the child may cry 5-10-15 minutes. But the minute they realize they are not going home they forget about you and have a great time.

If you stand outside the door you may be tempted to go in one more time and then your child will only cry more.

I think staying the first two days a little is enough. And also I believe in having the first day only for 2-3 hours. So either bring him a bit later or pick him up earlier.

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 11 2004 Posts: 19241

Gold Member Joined: Jan 06 2006 Posts: 1163

GR, I think for the very very first day, it's OK to stay with him. He has to know that YOU trust the teachers and the place.
The next day, you can tell him, I'll bring you to the door, and then I have to go home.
And then go home.
The teacher's tolerance level and your tolerance level are different. The teacher will call you if necessary. But I doubt it will be necessary!!
He may cry for days, weeks, or even months for the actual "good-bye", but that's more for you than for him.
Good Luck!!!

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 11 2004 Posts: 19241

thanx rosehill. there is an orientation before the very first day with about two hours for the kids to come meet the teacher, the classroom, the other kids, etc.
that might take care of the point you brought up.

not to worry, I wont abandon him. Smile

Posted: Thu, Sep 07 2006, 6:41 pm Post subject:

So how did it go GR?

My first born had his first day of school and I think it was harder on me than on him. He didn't even cry at all. The orientation I think made a difference and he was pretty comfortable there right away since he was just there the day before with me.
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Boy 10, Boy 8, Girl 7, Boy 5, Boy 3, Boy 15 months

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 11 2004 Posts: 19241

Pickle Lady, where are you sending in the end?

today was the first real day of school, meaning that I would leave him there. I dont think he really understood that until I told him on the way to school that he was going to stay with the Morahs and I was going to go shopping. he got a funny look on his face but didnt say anything.
my fears subsided a bit when he ran up the stairs of the building and marched right into his classroom with a happy look of recognition on his face.
my plan was to let him play a bit without being right there next to him, and once he's distracted with the toys, I would go in and out of the classroom every so often for longer periods each time until the final goodbye for the day.
basically it was much much easier than I expected, and a big thank you goes to the assistants in the classroom who kept him busy with one-on-one attention while I left the classroom and watched him through the window. it didnt seem to bother him that much that I wasnt there since he was concentrating on the blocks and other things he was busy with.
the last time I wasnt going to go in except that another parent opened the door suddenly and he saw me standing there. so I walked over to him, kissed him, and told him that I would pick him up after snack time and he is going to play with the Morahs.
I told the teacher that if he starts crying I want a phone call, and I left.
I sat at home waiting for a phone call that never came.

I was 10 minutes early to dismissal and I found him sitting with his snack and listening to the Morah read a story. he gave me a broad smile, and when I asked him if he wants to go home, he stood up and said he wanted to go home.

that was that. the Morah told me he didnt cry at all, he even spoke a few words to her, but he didnt eat anything all day, only drank. I could have guessed that because he's too shy to eat in front of strangers. he came home with two stickers on his shirt and I wish I knew what they were for, but he wont tell me!

so we're looking forward for tomorrow...
I hope that wasnt too boring, Pickle Lady Wink

Posted: Thu, Sep 07 2006, 7:27 pm Post subject: re: The best thing to do...

They had oreintation so it was totally strange for her, the first day she thought I was staying so she did not look back & I just left she was basically fine, today when I took her she cried & I just left & called an hour later to see if she is fine.

Diamond Member Joined: Nov 10 2005 Posts: 3401

Here's another perspective - it is so overwhelming for the other kids to see all the parents standing around. My ds had his first day of kindergarten and was all excited to check out the toys and kids but when he looked up and saw all the parents standing there, he (a child who is not at all overwhelmed) was very overwhelmed.
On the other hand, when I took my 2nd son (who is much more shy) to his nursery class, there were no parents there and he sat down right away with a book and a smile on his face.

Posted: Thu, Sep 07 2006, 9:55 pm Post subject:

both my boys (on their first time ever) did not cry and were totally happy to go to school. they had been looking forward to this day for months. I stayed with them for about 30-45 min. even though I had my younger kids with me too. today was dovi's 5th day of school, and for the first time I stayed less than 10 minutes. its getting quicker and quicker to leave. and he is the happiest boy in his class.

I think it helps to talk alot about what to expect and what to do if....(you need to make, you want a drink, a boy takes your toy, etc...) then they are fully preperaed and if they know they can trust the morah to take care of them they will be fine.

levi (last year, age almost 3) after a week or so of school began getting scared to go to school, finally I discovered it was b/c another boy was pushing him. I told him I would stay with him for an extra 5 minutes, and also talk to the teacher and make sure she would watch him, so that the boy wouldnt push him again.
I did this, and he was fine.
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Levi- 9 yrs, Dovi- 8 yrs, Shevy- 6 yrs, Mendy- 4 years, Shaina Dina- 18 months

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 20 2004 Posts: 17151

Posted: Thu, Sep 07 2006, 10:07 pm Post subject:

Sounds awsome GR. Its so nice to hear that your sonds day went well. We are sending my son to OT. The only worry we have had so far is the allergy. So far now I am just sending him with a lunch instead of them serving him lunch. It felt so strange not to have him home with me. But I have a feeling I will get used to it fast.

Diamond Member Joined: Apr 30 2004 Posts: 4367

and I just dropped mine off. they ran ahaead with friends, and I went in only with the 3 yr old. hi said bye- he smiled and continued playing. I felt stupid to stay, so I left.
my 5 yr old on the other hand...I had to go in to tell th teacher something. I knew he would get ideas that I should stay, especially since he told me that morning that he was planning to cry. cry he did. I didn't stay. as soon as I left he stopped. I was outside the door.
and then now he is fine! B"H!!!

the teachers here do not encourage parent to come in witht he kids.
and no one cries!
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girl - 12 ys. * girl - 10 ys. * boy - 9 ys. * boy - 7 ys. * girl -5 years *boy 4 ys. *baby boy - 2 ys.

when kids are spoiled they are fresh.

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 11 2004 Posts: 19241

a lot of it really depends on the teachers making them comfortable in class.
my 3 year old can be shy and doesnt talk so well yet, and if not for the teachers spending so much one-on-one time with him when he first came, I'm sure he would have cried. I give them all the credit.

I just got back from dropping him off. I didnt even stay there 5 minutes with him. I settled him at a table with game I know he likes and told him, "Today is Erev Shabbos so I'm going to pick you up after shabbos party. you stay with the Morahs and I'm going shopping."
To my complete shock he says (loud enough for everyone to hear): "BYE!"
so I left. he's happy, he loves it there, he likes the teachers, I'm not needed there. Smile

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 11 2004 Posts: 19241

Pickle Lady, are you happy so far with the teachers? how many other boys are there in the class? does your son know any of the kids from before?