Would you send your kids away to camp if

you were due in the summer?

Its time to register my kids (ages 9+) to sleepaway camp. Its not the first summer, but I am due when they would be gone. I am hesitant to send since I think they will be upset if they miss it. But at the same time they really want to go. I am trying to get a feelof what they think. I mentioned to them abt their friends who missed siblings births and brother's upshernen, they answered that its so sad and they wouldn't want to go to camp if they were to miss an upshernish/birth of a baby. I am not telling them I am due yet, and I would need to register them way before I would tell them I am pregnant.

The problem is there is not much to do here, the drive to camp is 45 min each way that I would need to drive- and in my 9th month that is not going to happen. I have my other kids home with me and I plan to take them out to parks but mainly play in our garden. I know my older ones would be fine with that but I think sleepaway camp is really what they need.

I really appreciate any input and ideas, especially since I can't really discuss this w/anyone besides my DH just yet.

Gold Member Joined: Jul 21 2010 Posts: 1728

I would say leave it up to them and let them decide, but you dont want to tell them yet. Sorry no advice but b'shaa tova

thanks sweet valley gal. thats exactly it, if I could register them later on, I would tell them and see from their reaction and talk it over. ugh, I am so confused.

Diamond Member Joined: Apr 18 2010 Posts: 3017

If it's a boy, they will have to come home for a day for the bris, but it's not like you're going to have them in the delivery room with you! If they would want to come home even if there's no bris, they can do that too, the camp will probably allow. Do you have a relative who would be willing to drive to camp and get them for the event? Also, which month of camp are you due? Maybe they can go one month and stay home the other if you're that concerned.

morah thanks for the reply. there is no way for them to come home for the bris, (if there is one)- since its too far to drive. As it is they are only going for one month-

Platinum Member Joined: Oct 14 2009 Posts: 5868

If you really think they need camp to keep them occupied, I'd say go for it. Is camp even remotely driveable distance from home? If so, then if you have the baby while they're there maybe DH or someone can "borrow" them from camp for a day to meet the new baby and then return them. Even if the camp claims to be strict about not leaving, rules can usually be bent. I've seen people leave camps for a weekend or few days for a sibling's wedding out of town, etc. They can participate in the simcha and then go back where it's good for them.

I wouldn't skip camp because of this. You never know, the baby could come early or late and they would have missed camp for nothing. Plus do you really want to worry about how your big kids are keeping busy while you're either shlepping around hugely pregnant or recovering from giving birth?

Platinum Member Joined: Oct 14 2009 Posts: 5868

Oops, cross-posted with above. When you say too far to drive, do you mean REALLY too far or just too far to drive ordinarily? I'd think it could be worth, say, a 10-hour ride to make the whole summer work out. Of course if you actually live overseas or cross-counry from the camp then it's really out of the question.

If they're only going for a month anyway, though, they're not likely to miss very much... what part of the month are you due? And it seems like you have little kids already, do you remember from when they were babies which of your older kids were really into the baby thing? There's the excitement of seeing the new baby but if they're not really baby-crazy there's also the possibility of hanging around home with a kvetchy little thing for three weeks instead of having fun with your friends in camp.

Is there a good day camp for older kids where you live?

Maybe I'm missing something, but if I understand correctly and the camp is under an hour a way, I really think you should figure out a way to bring them home for a day or two to participate in the Simcha.
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Gold Member Joined: Jul 21 2010 Posts: 1728

Cant you tell them and swear them to secrecy?

Senior Member Joined: Aug 25 2009 Posts: 248

We know of many kids who went home for a two day or so visit for a simcha. Our neighbors' kids were about 4 hours away and they came home for special events. If you decide not to bring them home for a brief visit, please be sure the camp will allow you to fax or email pictures, so that they have them asap and that they will let you speak with them on the phone. Ask the camp what they normally do in this situation. Do they do anything to help make the children feel special?
B'sha'a tova.

I've left sleepaway camp for a day or two for family simchos when I was a camper, although camp was in the Catskills and my family was in Brooklyn.

The thought of having some fewer kids to keep occupied during the summer months (when there's no school) and your kids are old enough to need to be outside and having a fun summer---sounds a little nice actually,
I would think it would be nice for Mommy to rest up and get some much-needed "Mommy time."

I do understand your concerns and am not telling you what I would do--because honestly, I have no idea what I would do--just consider this option.

Is it at all possible for your kids to go to camp a different month of the summer instead?
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Platinum Member Joined: Aug 12 2007 Posts: 20487

I think OP meant that the "local" camp is a 45 min drive each way and she's not up for it, so they'd have to stay home.
OP, the one sure thing is camp. With regards to the birth, you can't plan anything. What if the baby is early? What if the baby is late? What if, what if, what if.
Should you decide to put the kids in camp, at least you will have peace of mind that one thing is taken care of, and that's one less thing to worry about.
Since you aren't telling them about their new sib anyway, you may as well sign them up and let them build excitement on that front, hoping that it supercedes any other possible excitement.
It's also easier to present children with a fait d'acompli rather than discuss the pros and cons with them.
My opinion.
(and yes, I think it's cruel to have a baby when they aren't around, but that's life).
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Active Poster Joined: Oct 07 2009 Posts: 70

I missed the birth of one of my brothers. I must have been around 13. I called home a few times, but other than that, I didn't really mind. Depends on the child. Are they all very sentimental? I guess you asked them about friends and they said that it was sad. Maybe offer them the other idea, that maybe it isn't so bad since there isn't much for a sibling to do and it is better than a month of boredom, and see what they say.

Diamond Member Joined: Oct 26 2009 Posts: 2510

If I was in this situation I would definitely send them. But I gues everyone is different. I wouldn't have been upset if I was a kid in camp and missed a sibling's birth. I would have been very excited and happy but have no problem waiting a few weeks to see the baby.
But you did say that your kids told you they would never want to miss their siblings birth. So doesn't that answer your question?

Diamond Member Joined: Feb 28 2010 Posts: 4861

I would tell them I'm expecting and let them decide. I think it's a life decision that a child above the age of 8 should have the right to participate in.
When is camp? Probably July? That's only 5 months away. Which means you are probably 4 months along? Wouldn't you start telling people anyway at this point? You will probably start to show soon anyway.

If you are adamant against telling the kids now, then I don't think I would register them for camp. Giving birth is such a monumental family event, and some kids might feel left out or even rejected if it was all planned in advance for them to miss it. I know my own kids would never forgive me if they were 'sent away' for the first week or two (or three?) of baby's life.
It could breed long term resentment of you and/or the baby, and it could destabilize their feeling of security as integral family members. But you have to know your kids. Some kids are happy-go-lucky and would rather have a ball at camp. From what you say though, it seems your kids would not want to miss a birth.

Diamond Member Joined: Oct 08 2009 Posts: 4018

I think kids belong in camp. Life happens. I don't think the birth of a sibling is such a significant event that they have to be there. It is more important for them to be with their friends in their own routine.
Besides, it makes life easier for the mother giving birth.
As a mother, you are hugely concerned with their feelings, maybe a bit too concerned.
They will get over it. Camp should be for their benefit, and yours. You need to decide this, you are the adult. If you are so open with them to ask their decisions about what they want to do, then I would also tell them openly that a sibling may arrive at that time.
They may ask you how do you know? You can say you don't know for sure, but its a possibility.
Technically speaking, babies can arrive early or late, who knows anything?
In the bigger picture of things, their month of camp is only a few weeks, the baby will wait there for them when they go home should it happen then. As far as visiting goes, maybe someone else can visit, another relative, or they can be brought home if there is a simcha and it can be possible.
A wedding is another story, but a birth? I would not make a big deal out of it so neither would they.

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48139

No way can you babysit all your kids at the end of a pregnancy, then take care of them with a newborn. You do what's right for you. And them.

do yourself and them a favor, and send them to camp. they'll be thrilled. when the baby comes, send them some treats, etc. make them feel special. when I was 10, I was away when my mother had a baby. I wasn't at all upset. I was so happy to be on vacation. when I got back home, I had plenty of time to bond with my new brother.