Dealing with a Drama Queen Trouble Making--- toddler???

I'm going out of my mind trying to work out how to handle my 16 month old kid.

He gets up to so much trouble. Climbs on chairs to get knives off counters. Climbs on chairs to climb on the table to get things hanging on the wall. Opens up and empties out every cupboard and shelf in my house, even ones that we've baby proofed! He's broken the baby proofing things. He regularly opens the fridge, takes things out and tosses them around. Today he was playing with my underwear and wearing it as a necklace. I found another pair of underwear that he tossed in the trash. He plays with toilet water. He climbs up on bookcases, takes down markers, uncaps them, and colors on himself, the table, the floor, the wall. Takes pens and climbs on the table and bangs them so hard that our dining room table now has little holes in them. He takes off his clothes and his diapers. He reaches eggs, wherever I put them, and likes to play with them. Fortunately, he's only broken 2 so far. I took the rest out of his hands the rest of the time before he could break them. You get the drift. Troublemaker with a capital T! Oh, and did I mention he pulls hair? And bites? And walks up to me and pulls my shirt up because he wants to nurse? And when I say no, he pulls my shirt down from the top.

I turn my back around for a split second and he's causing destruction. No, I'm not leaving him for hours or neglecting him. I just blink and he's already causing trouble. I feel like my whole day is just chasing after him, making sure he's not causing trouble.

Not sure how to discipline him. When I say "No!" he either makes it seem like he doesn't understands, laughs, or starts bawling. And then repeats the trouble the next second. I think he very well does understand. He understands instructions when its things he likes. But not when I'm telling him "No!"

And then for the drama queen. He makes you feel terrible for disciplining him because he has melt downs and cries and cries and cries. Only to stop mid cry, take a look at you, make sure he's still got your attention, and then cry some more.
Or cry and cry, but within a split second he starts laughing.
Its a fake cry a lot of the time.
He wants to complain about something, he'll just start his fire engine wail while giving me a smile when I say "Noooo..." and then stops. He cracks himself up by his fake cries.

Only part of the time, it is a real cry.
And I don't believe in ignoring a kid when he's really crying, because I think its important to keep in mind the emotional needs of kids, and that ignoring that can cause long term damage. But I don't know when its a real cry and when its fake. I suspect a lot of the crying is a gimmick to try to manipulate me into doing what he wants me to do. I tell him that if he keeps on tantrumming about something, I'll put him in time out. He usually stops what he's doing at the mention of time out. He hates time out. So that threat works a lot. And when it doesn't work, he goes in time out.

Basically, I want to know, if you were me, how would you handle such a kid? What would you do about this constant, constant destruction that he's causing in the house?
And what would you do about his being a drama queen and pulling my leg with all his fake cries, mixed in with some actual, true sadness cries?

Gold Member Joined: Aug 11 2010 Posts: 1295

He is not a "trouble maker" or "drama Queen" - he is a perfectly normal child going into toddler stage, perhaps a bit early, but this could be a perfect description of the "terrible twos".

Firstly, you should know that you won't cause long term damage by ignoring even a "real" cry, when the cry is caused by legitimate and reasonable actions you take to stop his behavior. In fact, you run the risk of far more damage by letting him manipulate you this way.

Some practical suggestions:

1. Get him things he can legitimately climb on, jump on ride on. It will help him expend his energy in ways that are less destructive.

2. Get him toys that let him explore and express himself - things like Duplo (like oversized Lego), Lincoln Logs, blocks etc. He doesn't needs tons and tons of stuff, but a few items that he can use to just put things together HIS way. Get stuff that's age appropriate - nothing that needs fine motor control.

3. Find better child-proofing tools. They exist. (In one case, we used a real bicycle chain and combination lock to keep a very "interesting" cabinet out of reach of one of our kids - he had been using a chair to climb onto the washing machine to get at the cabinet.) Be as child proof as humanly possible.

3. When he takes something he should not have, CALMLY take is away and firmly say "NO". That's all - don't react, whether he laughs, cries or pretends not to understand. However, if he takes it again, take it away again, and put him in his room or time out corner for a short time. Use some sort of timer - egg timers are good for this because they very visual and easy for a child to understand- and say something like "Mommy said No, so now you have to stay here until the sand falls down." If he runs away, put him back and reset the timer. Unless he does something dangerous, don't potch.

4. Consider stopping to nurse. It seems like at this point it's not necessarily something that's working well for you. He's at a stage where it's nice, but not that important if it's not something you are both enjoying.

Posted: Tue, Jan 04 2011, 2:11 am Post subject:

You are a Comedienne Queen!

I laughed out loud reading your post.

Your son sounds like my Baruch. BH, Baruch is a successful 25 year old mensh with a dynamite personality and a sound head.

I miss those days. Terribly.

Your son has ,BH, personality, intelligence, and curiosity -in spades. Please don't crush him- channel him. Previous posters made wonderful suggestions.

My grandson takes after his uncle. He too is most curious about the world around him. Yehuda is three years old. His special interests include vacuuming, cooking, and his 1 year old sister. His toys center around his interests: a huge kitchen ensemble, well stocked , battery operated like real toy vacuum, child-sized broom equipment, baby carriage and dolls. He cooks/bakes with his mom, loves to clean up, delights in using the real vacuum.

Enjoy your son! Give him a kiss from me.

manyhats

Lol, I do enjoy him. But it does get hard to constantly deal with all this destruction. I eat him up when I'm not pulling out my hair!

I know this is not possible for everyone - depends on house size/layout - but do you have a playroom or other convenient room that you can close off with a gate? This has been a life-saver for me. All 3 of my very young kids exhibit some or all of the behaviors you mention and with 3 of them on the loose it's rather impossible to keep constant watch on them even when I'm not doing anything but watching them, and literally takes seconds for them to wreak havoc. So I have a playroom, with a child-safety gate installed. IN there is all their toys, their books, a sofa, and rubber tile I put down over the hard tile floor. Sure they can still whack each other over the head with toys and make trouble, but at least the house isn't trashed and destroyed. So if I need to get dinner together, tidy up, or even take a couple minutes to use the bathroom - into the playroom they all go, gate closed, mischief greatly limited.
(Now I know penning your child up for a while here and there is not a substitute for discipline. He will still need to learn acceptable behavior in the home. But I think it helps so much to have a safe space and limit his opportunities to cause all this trouble which makes for unhappy mommy and child).

No room for a separate playroom.

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 11 2004 Posts: 19241

Posted: Tue, Jan 04 2011, 10:57 am Post subject:

I had 2 of those and my 2 year does the drama routine! I broke his heart when I told him to stop xyz....

I do the time out, I ignore his shtick. I put him in his room. it also distracts him he forgot what he was doing.

basically everything I don't want the kids to touch is in my room and also up on top of book shelves. or in closets.

with 2 kids I sent them to play group. they were climbing on everything thing and jumping off tables etc... its safer if they are in a playgroup that has place to play. if I had a back yard I guess that they would have stayed home longer.

also my challenging child realy likes building toys. thomas the train, lego mega blocks, etc.... ok the house is a mess. but he is occupied.

also he is better if he is walked, if he plays in the park or took a walk. then he doesn't go stir crazy.

my kids use the bunk beds as a jungle gym it gets some energy out. and they also like dancing to music.