Do you 'skive' the taanits!!

Active Poster Joined: Sep 15 2010 Posts: 34

I have found in recent years a trend for women to be really lenient on the taanits excluding Yom Kippur and TishaBav. Do you agree and why do you think this is so?

Diamond Member Joined: Aug 26 2007 Posts: 4037

on YK and tisha b'av? I have never heard of ladies being lenient on those fasts, WOW! I don't know the reason for leniencies of other fasts, maybe pregnant or nursing? the truth is I heard from a mashpia that it is just as incumbent on women as it is for men to fast on minor fasts (unless pregnant or nursing). but tisha b'av and YK are MAJOR fasts and I would be scared not to fast without a rav's explicit permission/instructions.

Posted: Wed, Dec 15 2010, 6:06 pm Post subject: re: Do you 'skive' the taanits!!

In many shitos women only fast Tisha Beav and YK. If they can't fast Tisha Beav for medical reasons they eat and drink. If same on YK they eat and drink shiurim. That's the same as fasting.

As for the minor fasts, if in your shita women don't fast you are fine. If they do then most women in those shitos that I know fast at least half a day if not a whole day, depends on their state. Most young women before marriage fast, after they are pregnant, nursing, taking care of very young children and often trying to get pregnant and I was taught that if the stress of a minor fast can keep you from doing your wifely duties then you shouldn't fast.

Until I got sick I fasted all the fasts including taanis esther, but since then with my medical issues I'm only allowed to fast TB and YK these days. But all my kids, boys and girls, fast all the other fasts.
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Diamond Member Joined: Oct 25 2007 Posts: 4917

Some -- not all -- Chassidishe Rebbes advise women not to fast on minor fast days. I always jokingly heard it was a matter of pekuach nefesh: a fasting mom might lose her temper with leibedik kids!

Note to the humor-impaired: this was a joke; not to be taken literally!

Active Poster Joined: Sep 15 2010 Posts: 34

I did say excluding Yom kippur & Tishabav. It just feels kinda not taken seriously for the minor fasts. I heard that we are in such a weak state phisically & Spiritually that we cant cope with the strain of a fast. Surely that would only make us weaker still dont you think?

Moderator Joined: Sep 30 2009 Posts: 1382 Location: NY

I am young and healthy and can usually get home by 6 on a fast to lie down so I fast them all. But for people who are weaker or sick they just cannot do it.

For instance zom gedaliah comes very close to Yom Kippur. Many older women can make it through a fast day OK but two in a row would do them in. So their LOR advises them to do half a day on zom gedaliah and the full thing on Yom Kippur.

When I am working in the hospital for full days I will have to ask my Rav a shaila. Because it may be dangerous for me to be light headed while practicing medicine. I do not want to endanger my patients.
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Posted: Wed, Dec 15 2010, 7:35 pm Post subject: re: Do you 'skive' the taanits!!

I have no excuse not to fast. In fact it is proabbly beneficial to my health since I lose weight on fast days.

bh I fast very well. If somebody does not fast well, I don't think it makes a difference if they are a man or woman.

I'm not sure why men have it easier - I am a much better faster then my dh as it happens. He has to work on a fast day (even Yom kippur), neither of us can spend the day in bed.

asara beteves is such an easy fast as well - you can always get up a little early and have breakfast. I did that one year and was great.

Diamond Member Joined: Aug 26 2007 Posts: 4037

Platinum Member Joined: Jun 22 2008 Posts: 6469

I only fast Yom Kippur and Tisha Bov. the year that I was nursing on Tisha Bov, had no help and was the only hot day in the summer I ended up having to break my fast in the middle.

Gold Member Joined: Jul 02 2010 Posts: 1853

I only fast on yom kippur and as much as I can on tishe b'av.

Posted: Thu, Dec 16 2010, 4:19 am Post subject: re: Do you 'skive' the taanits!!

I fast terribly (migraines and feel very weak) and was told (this was my psak) that it is ok for me not to fast on all of the minor fasts YK and TB I must (although I spoke to my rav this past TB and was given ways to drink/eat if I needed to.

Posted: Thu, Dec 16 2010, 6:26 am Post subject: Re: Do you 'skive' the taanits!!

Platinum Member Joined: Nov 01 2009 Posts: 8303

I've been pregnant or nursing for the last 3+ years. So I only fast Tisha Bav and YK.

Otherwise I try to fast. I'm a decent faster so its not usually a problem.
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Senior Member Joined: Jul 18 2010 Posts: 139

I have always fasted on all the fasts, including pregnant and nursing, but im a pretty good faster. this past yk,(which was on shabbos) I was in the hospital on thursday due to a complicated pregnancy. my dr said I should stay in bed but imust drink but I could skip eating on yk unless I felt sick...my rav told my hubby that I must do both in shiurim even if I feel fine so as not to risk the baby. I could not bring myself to do it! my dh came home to check on me after mussaf and wouldn't leave till he saw me drink. it was so foreign for me not to be fasting, I was waiting to be struck down!!!

as far as the original op, I agree that I have been noticing the same trend. I am not talking about the majority of my friends who will only fast on the major fast days, after all, most of us are in the midst of our childbearing and raising, so I know there are many heterim...

BUT, I have a 13 year old daughter and she was the ONLY one fasting on shiva asar betamuz. her friends moms werent fasting and they told them only men need to fast...huh?! these are bais yaakov girls, why are they all not fasting? I thought maybe it was a summertime fluke, but then came tzom gedalia and it was the same thing. I don't get it. I doubt any of them will be fasting tomorrow. my poor daughter, she thinks I'm mean to make her fast, but what is the excuse not to fast for a healthy girl? I dont recall being that age and seeing anyone who did not fast.

then again, my dh came home from work on one of the minor fast days and said there were frum guys in his office walking around with coffee and food, and when he reminded them its a fast, they said, yeah we only do the big ones....weird. (I know there are no health issues, one is actually a close relative of mine)

Platinum Member Joined: Jun 30 2009 Posts: 8274

Posted: Thu, Dec 16 2010, 1:44 pm Post subject:

If not pregnant / nursing, I keep them all. What does 'skive' mean?
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Platinum Member Joined: Aug 29 2007 Posts: 12058

I wouldn't know. I've been pregnant or nursing (without a break) since July 2006.

Posted: Thu, Dec 16 2010, 2:25 pm Post subject: re: Do you 'skive' the taanits!!

I don't fast well and was told since I was young not to fast on the Taneisim around YK and Tisha'ah B'Av, and to save my energy for those fasts, since it taked 30 days for the body to fully recuperate from fasting. The other fast days I see how I am doing and play it by air.

Btw, I have heard of men breaking their fasts at some point during the day on some fast days (not YK or Tisha'ah B'Av) if they are not managing at work and need their energy to continue their long day.
Please be DLZ. Maybe the men you saw asked a Shayla.
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Senior Member Joined: Jul 18 2010 Posts: 139

it was 9 am! no sheila for sure he said its not important.