Pet for a toddler | Imamother

mompete

Tue, Feb 22 2005, 5:30 pm

My daughter is three and a half and is still not trained. She understands about going to the bathroom but simply cannot be bothered by it. She is in pull ups every day and I am at my wits end! I came up with the idea of getting her a small pet if she completely trains but am not sure if it is a good idea or not. Any info on caring for a small pet from someone who has one would be appreciated.

ForeverYoung
Guest

Tue, Feb 22 2005, 8:57 pm

unless you are ready to take care of it full time, forget it.

At this age she will be helping you take care of it, nothing more to expect of her.

The lowest-maitnance pets are fish, some turtles.

But they require specific care which you will need to read up on + weekly & monthly cleaning routines.

+ daily feeding

there is a toilet training thread here, see if you can find any help there.

Or find something she REALLY wants A LOT.
(we promiced our son a truck he fell in love with - he walked around with the picture of it for a few months!!)

Also, do not make it too comfortable for her - don't change right away;
you can't go to shul b/c you're big & not waring underware -
make it NOT FUN.

Be nice, but firm.

Good luck!

Motek

Wed, Feb 23 2005, 2:02 pm

one parenting expert's advice:

Quote:

A year or so ago, while flying from somewhere to somewhere else, my “seatmate” and I began talking. He asked what I did and I told him, upon which he began sharing with me some of the problems he and his wife were having with their 4-year-old son, one of which was his refusal to use the toilet, as a consequence of which, he was still in diapers. He asked my advice.

I told him that he and his wife should first get rid of the diapers, pull-ups, and any other evidence of the problem. The child should walk around the house wearing only thin cotton pants (not absorbent training pants!) and a t-shirt until his education was complete. Meanwhile, they should pump him full of water. I emphasized water, as opposed to sugar-sweetened drinks, including fruit juice.

A timer should be set to go off every hour, on the hour, at which time the child should be directed/taken to the bathroom and told he cannot come out until he has produced a significant amount of waste of one sort or another.

Furthermore, I said, accidents should result in the child being sent to his room, which should be “cleansed” of his favorite playthings and where he is to wait until the potty bell next rings. In this instance, however, when he produces, he goes back to his room until the bell rings again. And so on. The father listened intently, but I wasn’t sure whether he thought I was nuts or on to something.

A few months later, he sent me this email: “You may remember sitting next to the dad who complained about his 4-year-old son’s toileting problems. You were so right about the ‘cold turkey’ thing. To make a long story short, I spoke to my wife on the phone right after our flight and told her what you had said.

That evening, while I was still away, she began the program. When the bell rang, she took him to the bathroom and told him he couldn’t come out until he’d done something, and the something had to more than just a ‘piddle.’ Meanwhile, she was pumping him full of water, as you had advised. She even told him that if he hadn’t gone by bedtime, she’d put his sleeping bag in there.

It took him 4 hours of standing in the bathroom with nothing to do before he gave in. Anyway, it worked, and he was incredibly proud of himself. He hasn’t had a problem since. Amazing that something we’d struggled with for two years was over with in one night.”

Please note, dear reader, that the “force” in question did not create a psychological issue; rather, it eliminated one.

ForeverYoung
Guest

Wed, Feb 23 2005, 2:22 pm

Quote:

child should be <...> told he cannot come out until he has produced a significant amount of waste of one sort or another.

highly disagree with this!!!!

Quote:

ccidents should result in the child being sent to his room, which should be “cleansed” of his favorite playthings and where he is to wait until the potty bell next rings.

and this

these techniquecs can backfire

the rest - taking child regularly - is an exellnt idea.
we did this too.

Tefila

Wed, Feb 23 2005, 3:20 pm

Quote:

child should be <...> told he cannot come out until he has produced a significant amount of waste of one sort or another.

Yeah fy I totaly disagreed with this method too. But when I reread he is 4yr old not 2 or 3 so I don't think it's a prob at that age Wink

IM-MA

Wed, Feb 23 2005, 3:48 pm

If your daughter can't keep her self clean, how is she going to help with keeping a pet clean? Reward her with smaller awareds when she does go (such as chocolate chips). Also with girls, it's easier to train her if you keep a dress on her during the day with nothing underneath (if she's home suring the day).

ForeverYoung
Guest

Wed, Feb 23 2005, 4:39 pm

freilich wrote:

Quote:

child should be <...> told he cannot come out until he has produced a significant amount of waste of one sort or another.

Yeah fy I totaly disagreed with this method too. But when I reread he is 4yr old not 2 or 3 so I don't think it's a prob at that age Wink

the issue is that forcing to go can cause phsycological constipation and holding in in defiance, which can be dangerous.

I think at age 4 parent can even discuss it with the child & create a system together, which will be a better way than keeping a child in the bathroom for 4 hrs. Confused

mompete

Wed, Feb 23 2005, 8:42 pm

The problem I have is that she goes to school every day and therefore she can't have accidents. I sent her in underwear at the beginning of school but she would have accidents a few times during the day. She does use the toilet but not every time. When I would pick her up she'd be wet.
The teacher has been very understanding but the class isn't that small and can't always catch her in time.
Also, I thought of getting her a goldfish which is fairly low maintance so cleaning it wouldn't be her job anyway.

ForeverYoung
Guest

Wed, Feb 23 2005, 8:53 pm

will the teacher help you & taker to the b-room at regular intervals?

do you have an option to stay home for about 2 weeks?

RedVines

Thu, Feb 24 2005, 12:46 am

I dont really see how getting her a pet will solve anything. I think she should stay home from school for at least a week straight on strict potty training...and everything should work out. But a pet will just delay it and wdd extra work for you. Is that what you want!!

mompete

Thu, Feb 24 2005, 10:36 am

keeping her home from school is not an option for me. The closest thing I have to it is waiting for Pesach! Also, the pet is meant as an incentive. I've tried to give her little prizes for going to the bathroom but she got bored of it after a while. I can't imagine that a little fish in a bowl is too big of a commitment!
The teacher does help but there are too many misses along the way!

ForeverYoung
Guest

Thu, Feb 24 2005, 12:34 pm

I think that if you're not making Pesah, it would be the ideal time..

Fish for a prize might work if she wants it, but don't get it b4 she's trained!

How many misses are you going to tolerate?

May be just get rid of all the diapers/ pull ups & just let her have accidents.
Remind her to o on regularly.

BUT! make the accidents to be her self-imposed punishments.

"Well, we wasted the time on changing you & cleaning up, so no time for desert, b/c it's bed time already"

"no time for the play ground'

"can't go to a friend b/c her mommy doesn't want to cleen up accidents"

"we can't play w/ house b/c its dirty & I don't have time to wash it right now"

etc

Have her participate in clean up (when my daughter gets carried away & has accidents, she's the one who has to undress herself & put all wet things away) She can also dry the floor after you wash it.

Be atter of fact about it, don't be mad at her (or at least pretend to Twisted Evil

).

Hopefully, it will become uncomfortable enough for her to change her behavior.

And of course lots of praise for success!!

Hope this helps

ForeverYoung
Guest

Thu, Feb 24 2005, 12:51 pm

as Motek wrote in another thread:

Quote:

Here is a rule of thumb: A child will not change her behavior if the behavior causes the child no discomfort. Said another way, a child will not change her behavior because the behavior upsets and inconveniences her parents; rather, the child will change behavior when the behavior in question begins to upset and inconvenience the child.

ForeverYoung
Guest

Thu, Feb 24 2005, 12:53 pm

she might have a uti, so check that

mompete

Sat, Feb 26 2005, 10:21 pm

B"H there are no medical probs. But for now she is really putting in an effort to get her fish! I'm afraid to get too excited but hopefully, there might be a light at the end here. (Hope, hope, hope!!!)

ForeverYoung
Guest

Sun, Feb 27 2005, 8:38 pm

we hope so too!!!

keep us posted!

mompete

Mon, Mar 14 2005, 12:27 pm

B"H my daughter has been dry for close to three weeks (minus a few accidents) and her goldfish, she got three, are happily swimming around in a bowl in my kitchen! Thanks everyone for your support!

1stimer

Mon, Mar 14 2005, 12:37 pm

ForeverYoung
Guest

Mon, Mar 21 2005, 1:34 pm

8) congrats!!!

IndyMom

Mon, Mar 21 2005, 3:25 pm

watch out about those goldfish. We got 2 for chanuka - and they have multiplied. I think there are five now, but I haven't checked lately, could be more. Smile