I Think I'm Jealous of the Babysitter...

Silver Member Joined: May 29 2008 Posts: 769

So tell me, is this totally crazy? I have to work full time, and B"H DS loves his babysitter. He gives me a kiss and sends me out the door. But so far this week, when I show up, he's taken to hiding in corners, behind doors, or even behind her legs. It's not like I'm a horrible mother (I know I'm not), and we have a great time when we're home again, and even once we're out the door he's laughing and talking happily to me about his day (or so I translate his garbles to mean that). But getting him to leave, he can throw a major tantrum and I have to carry him out kicking and screaming.

Honestly, I know I'm stuck in a catch-22. I want him to enjoy going to the sitter, he has friends there and really enjoys himself. But is it wrong to also want him to be thrilled and run up when I come to get him, like he did just last week? If I had my way I'd be home all day with him, but that's not how it is right now, and I feel guilty about that enough. Is this just a phase? Any other mommies that can sympathize? It's a lonely feeling sometimes, going to get him.

Hmm. I hear what you mean. It's tough--I presume your DS is still fairly young, toddler age?
Well, let's face it. Take his unwillingness to depart with the babysitter as a sign he had a good day. I would actually worry if he was too keen to leave--that can mean he didn't enjoy his day or he was bored, etc. Be glad you have a childcaresolution your child and you seem to be happy in. No need to be jealous--a child always know his mother is the best! Enjoy the time you spend with him.

Silver Member Joined: May 29 2008 Posts: 769

Yeah, I forgot to mention that. He's 19 months.

Thanks for the feedback! I know it's silly to feel this way. You're right that I should just be happy he's in a situation he likes so much.

I have one child who, when she's adjusting to a new environment, will cry when it's time to leave and not when she first arrives. It's just her way of expressing that it's overwhelming for her. Like the kids who cry at arrival (all of them but her... ), she usually gets over it pretty quickly.

I would guess it's the same for you, especially if it's a new-ish situation for him. His hiding from you at the end of the day = a different kid clinging to his mother as she brings him. It's just his way to express the overwhelmingness of new place, and/or of making the switch from home to away and back.

It could be that he's making trouble davka at the end of the day because he's tired or hungry and so more prone to making a fuss, and not because the end is harder than the beginning.

Silver Member Joined: Jul 17 2007 Posts: 851

Totally normal behavior-
1) Kids don't like transitions
2) Much more exciting at the babysitter w/ lots of kids to play with and lots of action. House is much quieter and less stimulating
Don't feel bad, sounds like both of you are doing just fine with the routine.

It's totally normal to feel badly. After all, he is your son, and he seems to be showing a preference for someone else! Is staying home with him something in the cards for you right now? Could you stay home with him and babysit for other kids in your home? Would that be a comparable income for you?

Make sure you consider all your options, even those outside-the-box.

Of course, if you love your job and couldn't even fathom staying home with him, I agree with the above women who wrote that your should feel happy and secure that you've found a comfortable care option for your son while you are at work.

hatzlocha.

Posted: Thu, Oct 21 2010, 9:14 pm Post subject:

Dd used to cry when leaving. Now she is thrilled to get there and play with her little friends. She is happy because she now knows her routine and likes it there. Best thing is leaving there after drop off and knowing you left a happy kid there.
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I feel bad when I need to drop off ds for the day and be away from him.
also, sometimes I feel like he clings to dh more than me and I feel bad, like he should want me the most.
I still partially nurse him, and I'm so glad that I do- because I feel like that's the main incentive for him to come to me.
sometimes when dh is holding him and ds is not coming to me, I lift my shirt- show ds my chest- and then he comes to me because he wants me to nurse him!
I don't know what I'm going to do when he gets bigger and I can't nurse him anymore.
I feel like that's his major incentive to want to come to me!

Posted: Thu, Oct 21 2010, 9:24 pm Post subject:

I do a lot of fun physical play with dd. I throw her in the air, tickle her, just lay on the floor and giggle together, do big hugs.....do fun things with him and he might want to come to you. I'm sure he really loves you a lot so don't worry.

Silver Member Joined: May 29 2008 Posts: 769