Can such young children be bullies? Need advice.

Executive Member Joined: Oct 29 2009 Posts: 368

My neighbor has 4 children, all boys. The elder two are 5 and 6 years old. They have been such a source of frustration for our family. They play with dangerous things, they are deliberately destructive (they'll take a glass bottle out of recycling and crack it on the floor) and do things that I don't want my son to even think about (for example, they play on top of their father's minivan). Their mother is sweet, and I'm friendly with her, but she has a newborn and 2 year old and has her hands full. She often has them playing outside by themselves.

My primary concern is the way they speak. Any time my son (almost 4) is outside they speak terribly to him. They call him names, tell him to do things he knows not to do, and are generally so negative, always saying things like "you're bike is ugly", "you're a baby because you're only 3" etc. He gets very hurt by them. For the last while I've basically kept him inside when they are out, especially if the parents aren't there. (I also take our toys inside with us so they won't break it - how pathetic is that?) Today, we were about to leave for school when he saw they were outside. He told me he didn't want to go outside until the So-and-Sos were in their car because they make him feel bad. I was so sad for him.

I'm really at a loss as to what to do. I feel it's not fair for me to have to keep him inside just because they behave so poorly. What do you think I should? I really don't think that speaking to the mother would accomplish anything. I'm not even sure what I would say - your kids are horrible? How can I tell a mother that? Any ideas?

Executive Member Joined: Oct 29 2009 Posts: 368

anyone?

Senior Member Joined: Oct 22 2006 Posts: 103

Yes 5 & 6 year olds can be bullies but you can win them over. Take your child outside with a treat and tell them that he will share it with his friends. If you occasionally treat them and casually say this is because you are friends, they will remember that it's worthwhile to be his friend. It could be food, bubbles, sidewalk chalk - nothing expensive, only things you would give your child anyway.

Diamond Member Joined: Jun 09 2009 Posts: 3332

There's article in this months Parents magazine about bullying. It says kids as young as 2 can be bullies.

To help:

1-teach your kid to get a grown up when he is being bullied. Speak to their parents about the problem.

2- Your son won't be such an easy target if he presents himself well. Teach him to look at the color of their eyes while asking them, "Please stop bothering me." He can practice this with teddy bears.

3- Praise your child when he stands up for himself well.

Platinum Member Joined: Dec 27 2007 Posts: 7373

A 3 year old is a little too young to stand up to bullies. I would personally tell the bullies off myself.

I would also start role-playing with your son what to do when being teased- laughing it off, saying "I don't care what you think, you're just a bully" and "so?"

Why not tell their mother? If your kids were doing that, wouldn't you want to know?