Bithday Candles - anything wrong?

Silver Member Joined: Aug 22 2007 Posts: 519

s/o attending my son's bday party requested we shouldn't used bday candles - says it's v wrong and roman or s/t like that - it's my son so I don't see why I should listen plus there's no way its halacha. comments? anyone heard of such a thing and what would u do?

Platinum Member Joined: May 15 2008 Posts: 5246

I've heard of this.
I c an't remember where, but there was an article written up about his.

Posted: Sun, May 16 2010, 12:38 pm Post subject:

Ive heard of this, but I dont think its an issue. I think the main issue is the gall of this other person to dictate how your celebrate your sons birthday.
Explain to her that you value her suggestion, but will be following your families traditions. You hope she can come to the party, but if she wouldn't feel comfortable, you would understand.

No one should be able to have control over your life.
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Platinum Member Joined: Aug 29 2007 Posts: 12058

Beginner Joined: May 16 2010 Posts: 21

I just did it for my sons first birthday cake, everyone thought it was funny, I didtnt realise it was a problem, anyone know if it is really a prob?

Diamond Member Joined: Nov 12 2005 Posts: 2715

I've heard that it's symbolically not good to light candles representing life and then to extinguish them deliberately, which makes a kind of sense to me. Nobody has ever told me that it's halacha not to, though, or even a particularly strong minhag. Still, ever since I learned of this it kind of stuck in my mind. So we switched to those sparklers that burn down (and look spectacular!) in about 30 seconds.

Gold Member Joined: Jan 06 2008 Posts: 1725

Rabbi Blumenkrantz ZT"L had a write up on it in one of his Pesach books. I think it was there for a few years. Aside from the candle=neshama aspect, there was something else...can't remember what.
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Platinum Member Joined: Nov 04 2008 Posts: 8180

She requested you do something at YOUR party?

Jaysus.

Tell her when she has a party, she can do what she wants.
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But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you
And loved the sorrows of your changing face.

"ki ner Hashem nishmat adam"
basically a neshama = ner, therefore you don't blow out candles, which symbolise a person's neshama. Especially at a birthday, where you are essentially lighting candles to symbolise years of the person's life.
Not everyone holds by this, but a lot do (more lubavitch than any others I have met, but not exclusively).
But no one can tell you how to run your life, if you do not have this in your mesorah.

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 29 2007 Posts: 12058

Platinum Member Joined: Jun 30 2009 Posts: 8274

Posted: Sun, May 16 2010, 3:24 pm Post subject:

At the very least it is not a jewish minhag.
Maybe chukas hagoyim. May be worse : http://www.ehow.com/about_5076732_history-birthday-candles.html
Really, its your choice and not a guests place to decide how you celebrate.
mazal tov on the bday!
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If there is one thing I know, I know I will die
If anyone cares, some stranger may critique my life
I may be revered or defamed and decried
But I tried to live right

First we use sparkers too just for that reason.
Blowing out candles is a Roman custom. People would light candles to the roman dieties and blow them out on a birthday to wish for a good year, it's a VERY unjewish minhog. People are just unaware of it.
No someone shouldn't tell you what to do on YOUR son's birthday but now that you have been informed, you have to maybe think about what you want to do.
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"Olam Chessed Yiboneh", Tehilim 89.

Diamond Member Joined: Nov 12 2005 Posts: 2715

Senior Member Joined: Oct 22 2006 Posts: 103

It is a religious non jewish custom, and not just a nice touch so it shouldn't be done by Jews although many have been ignorantly doing it for years.

Tradition of placing candles on Birthday cake is attributed to early Greeks, who used place lit candles on cakes to make them glow like the moon. Greeks used to take the cake to the temple of Artemis-the Goddess of Moon. Some scholars say that candles were placed on the cake because people believe that the smoke of the candle carried their wishes and prayers to Gods who lived in the skies.

Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48224

Platinum Member Joined: Oct 27 2005 Posts: 6798

happy birthday! do what you want to.

Someone went all fanatic on me because of that too, at my dd's bday. Between that and not warning they would not eating anything (with their hechsher! especially for them, very expensive, for a very large family) touched by my cutlery (but that their teen sons going through my personal stuff was not big deal), I made them understand where they could go...
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Platinum Member Joined: Aug 29 2007 Posts: 12058