I feel like a horrible mother and dh doesn't get it!

Tonight, while getting ds (who is almost 4) dressed for bed, I noticed a huge bruise on his side and asked what happened? He told me that on shabbos, while at our friends' for lunch, he was standing on a desk, trying to get a book and fell down!

Background story:
At lunch, we're all about to bensch and I hear ds say, "mommy" in this voice and I just felt/knew something was wrong! So, I was trying to get up and yelled at dh who was blocking my way to go to him! Then, we couldn't find him, I started freaking out (they're on a 2nd floor and I was picturing that he ch''v fell out a window - even though they have window guards, that's where my mind went when we couldn't find him in their small apt.). I was calling his name and dh found him and said, oh, he's hiding under the desk.

While relieved that he was fine, I thought he was just playing, so I just said, "ok, let's go bensch now," not even asking why he was under the desk. I had just assumed he was playing Sad

.

So, at not even 4 years old, he's in pain (he didn't seem like it, but the bruise says otherwise) and he couldn't even tell his mommy and daddy Sad

probably because he thought that he'd get in trouble for standing on a desk. But he was hurt and I'm feeling absolutely terrible. Crying or Very sad

Tomorrow, I've decided to talk to him about this and tell him, if he's ever hurt, he can tell mommy and daddy no matter what, but I'm so upset right now. When giving ds a bath tonight dh asked and ds just said he got a scratch. Later when I saw it, he told me.

any feedback? anyone? chizzuk? advice?

Active Poster Joined: Nov 05 2006 Posts: 58

We all make mistakes!
If you feel like a horrible mother, it means that you are a great mother, because a horrible one doesn't even care!
Talk to him like you said you would. Apologise to him and make sure that you tell him that he can tell you anything.
big hugs!

Silver Member Joined: May 10 2005 Posts: 913 Location: USA

We can't a always protect our children. We as parents must try our best but we can't prevent them from getting hurt all the time. Don't feel bad. Just soothe him and you'll both get over it. Just my two cents.
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I am not nuts!

Thanks for the kind words. I'm feeling so terrible. If at almost 4 he can't tell me anything, what about at 14?>

Senior Member Joined: Apr 20 2010 Posts: 125

you seem like a great caring mother

Senior Member Joined: Dec 08 2009 Posts: 177

Look at it this way - B"H you figured out when he's 4 that he's the kind of kid that won't tell you about something if he's afraid he will get into trouble. Since you know that, you can act on it. open the lines of communication and discuss, discuss, discuss. Explain that Mommy gets upset when we stand on something because she's afraid that you will get a "boo-boo."
there's a great kid's book called "tiger, tiger, is it true?" about a tiger who thinks because he did one thing wrong, his parents are mad at him forever.
This way, by the time he is 14, he will be in the habit of talking over his problems to you.
Deb

Posted: Mon, Apr 26 2010, 10:39 pm Post subject:

When my son was 3 or 4, he was climbing on a bed in my sewing room-where I was working and fell. I yelled at him to leave the room as he was bothering me. I'm not sure if it was 15 minutes or 1/2 hour later when I came out of the room and saw his head was bleeding. He needed staples. Of course I felt guilty for a while. But he was fine in the end, is almost 11 now and probably doesnt even remember the incident.
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If you're gonna be blue, be bright blue!