9yo DS-angel in school/Meshuga at home WTD!!!

DS who is 9 years old is driving us all insane. At Yeshiva, he is the most perfectly behaved boy, davens, learns, has derech eretz for Rebbes and teachers etc.

At home, he turns into a ----- I dont know!!

He complains about everything.
All day, he says "its not fair"
whatever supper I make is no good
He picks fights with everyone
When he's mad, he knows just what to do to make me infuriated- like threaten to break my new furniture!
Hes very lazy, and wont lift a finger to do anything for everyone- he thinks this a hotel!
He's picked up a horrible choice of vocabulary from some of his classmates, and I might add he goes to an excellent Yeshiva, but there are a few bad boys in his class.

His Teachers say he has to "let it out" somewhere, but frankly, we cant take it anymore.

HELP!

OMG! Sounds like my 6 yr old! When he started school, I expected to hear from his teachers all the time. When I spoke to them and asked how he was, they thought I was crazy. They didn't believe when I described how he behaves at home until they saw how he acted to me when I picked him up from school. He seems to use all his patience being good at school, then lets out all his steam when he gets home, driving his parents and siblings CRAZY!!! When he doesn't get his way (or even thinks for a minute things aren't going 100% his way) he starts whining, crying and carrying on like a baby.

I don't have all the answers you're looking for. What seems to work best for me is to try to keep him busy with things he likes to do, like coloring or other projects. He often needs lots of extra TLC, which is hard to juggle it without making the others feel like they should also act out for attention. If I need to go out on errands, I try to take along one or two of my kids to give them a little extra attention. He usually refuses, preferring to play with his coveted toys. But it's good for all of them to get a little private Mommy time.

For things I know he won't be happy about, I try to preempt his tantrums. I don't make him special suppers, but I've learned it's a lot healthier to allow him to have a PB sandwich or some leftover spaghetti, than to have him not eat anything at all, and make everyone else crazy in the process.

Sometimes it helps to "play the game" with him. When he says he won't take orders cuz he's the king, for example, I'll try to preempt trouble by suggesting that we're the soldiers, etc... I know there's quite a difference between 6 and 9, but see if there's an area you can create a niche, without causing an explosion. (I know it's easier said than done.)

Hatzlocha rabba! Hug

im sure youre being the best mommy possible but sometimes what a child needs most can get overlooked

discipline
unconditional love
quality time

he might be getting that in yeshiva & not at home...

Senior Member Joined: Aug 30 2008 Posts: 230

what you child might need at home is structure and clear instructions ie dinner time after that play time he gets lots of that in school he could be missing that in the house.

worked for me with two kids good luck and lots of hugs with patience

I had one like this. He still complains a lot at 20! it took me years to get that its just his way of expressing insecurity. I have tried to listen, really listen, to whats bothering him, not what he says, and that has helped. I also used to make him "Menus", he coud request any food off the menu if he didnt like dinner. it would be PB or egg, nothing more.
by the way, he became a wonderful cook so he could make the food he liked, which also helped.
this too shall pass, b'h.

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 11 2004 Posts: 19241

I really feel for you. I have a 9year old, who is the same way. Today was a particularly rough day. My son growls at people, acts like an animal when he does not get his way. Yells at me every time I call his name, and complains non stop about everything too.

Unfortunately some of this behavior has begun to leak into school, It never did till now. I always hought he just needed to let it out, but it is so out of hand, I cannot take it anymore.

I am looking for a therapist, I think he really needs the help.