Standards Novella

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 27 2005 Posts: 2860

If you're not a regular Binah reader, you just must read these few weeks of Standards, Etka Gitel's new story.

EG- u r daring, brave and making me cry. So, so real and so sad that these gr8 girls aren't 'gr8 enough for the seminaries"

As a mother, it must be agonizing and humiliating to have a dghter rejected.

Are sem principals down your back?!

Senior Member Joined: Mar 16 2010 Posts: 195

ILL! Wow! B"H - it's sooooo good to hear!!

I can't even describe the amount of agmas nefesh that went into planning it.... but I think it's worth the ride. Already I've gotten loads of feedback from parents of girls - and girls themselves - who are in Mimi's precise situation and are feeling so vindicated!! So B"H I am so happy...

"Down my back"? Hey, I wish they'd even read it. My greatest hope is that this story might actually make a difference for someone, somewhere.

And keep tuned. Be"H it gets ever so much more twistedly fun!

PS> Do you think I should take cover yet? Are the tomatoes coming?

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 28 2005 Posts: 4693

I read the first installment and felt such intense dislike for "Rebbetzin" Sori (whom in my personal opinion has no business being in chinuch). I honestly wasn't sure where you were going with it.

Second installment also made me sad...how come all of Mimi's friends got accepted to sems in E"Y and she is the ONLY ONE who didn't? Also, is the story realistic? Do girls really get accepted no where and high school principals aren't able to "push them into" at least somewhere? My heart was breaking that Mimi isn't being challenged enough or growing enough from her sem experience in the US (my guess - you'll get a lot of feedback from US sem graduates and principals how there are great options here too).

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 28 2005 Posts: 4693

Feedback point 1 - I really like knowing the length of the feature so I know what to expect and no surprises. It's only 6 weeks so no fear of it "dragging on" or changing direction.

Senior Member Joined: Mar 16 2010 Posts: 195

Awesome to get feedback, Tova!! Thanks so much!

As for asking if it's 'realistic'... all I can say is that the only stuff I made up for this story are the NICE parts. Honestly. And I'm NOT talking about isolated instances AT ALL. Your question actually gives me hope that there are people who AREN'T bombarded with this sort of stuff!!

As for in-USA sem options: unfortunately, this too is based on lots and lots of true facts/testimonies. OF course, there are plenty of options here - but unless someone's family has a "shitta" not to send their girls overseas, or it's completely not an economic option (and I have no idea how it can be for anyone, IMHO, but that's another story), I don't believe that anyone can look me straight in the eye and tell me that a US-based experience is in any way on par with an Israeli one.

Of course, it's not a definitive answer, and yes, I'm expecting letters. But, as I said, the only stuff that isn't fact is the NICE parts of the story, so I think people are going to have to reconcile actual life to their perceptions instead of the other way around. We'll see. I only hope to help.

Thanks so much for taking the time to post!

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 28 2005 Posts: 4693

Thanks for answering!

I am very happy to be giving feedback.

[BTW, after reading installment #3 I am betting that Mimi will somehow get engaged to Meir Hochman; perhaps her neighbor set it up after their own shidduch w/ the prestigious Hochman family didn't go.]

Maybe I am out of touch. I am now 12 years out of high school. I went to sem in E"Y. So did nearly my entire grade, save for a couple of girls and it was NOT because they did not get into Israeli sems. Our limudei kodesh coordinator made sure that everyone had a place and no one didn't go to E"Y because of acceptance issues. Maybe they didn't go to their first choice, but they went somewhere.

I have heard wonderful things about Yavne in Cleveland; is it really not on par w/ the E"Y sems? [Is it wrong of me to mention a US sem by name?] Of course the avira in E"Y, the tiyulim, what you do in your free time, etc. cannot ever be compared to the US. But the actual stimulation of the sem classes? I guess I don't see why US vs. E"Y would make a difference. I could see having the same intense Chumash, Navi, etc.

Have you seen the new ads in the Yated, etc.? One is called Bais Yaakov Mekutzar, or something like that. It is an E"Y sem for July - December, at half the price of a full year of sem. I guess girls can then go to college for the spring semester or start jobs, shidduchim, etc. I would think it's a good idea, except I am opposed to that being the DEFINING part of the sem to the extent that it is in the name! I saw an ad for another sem along the same lines.

Looking forward to reading the rest of the novella!

Senior Member Joined: Mar 16 2010 Posts: 195

Ooh, thanks for responding again!

Smile

It seems things have changed since our days, unfortunately. I've had quite a few people reach out to me and thank me for writing this story because it so painfully echoes what they're going through... it is very sad. People are really so hurt. I heard about this partial-year sem too - and many girls are going there (if they get accepted, I guess.) It's just so... so - odd? Sad? Off-putting? to think that they're hoping to get a half a year where their friends are getting the full experience. As I said, sem isn't the end-all or anything, but it is a very important year in a girl's life, and the whole thing seems to have blown out of proportion in politicking and everything else.

Yavneh is an excellent, excellent seminary. (Once you've mentioned it by name I'll say that I know that they are a fantastic sem. Wink

)The reason I didn't really include it at all in the parameters of the story is that Mimi might not fit the scholastic bill for such a fictional counterpart of such a seminary - and besides, many families feel that the only situation where they would be open to letting their daughters board away from home is in an Israel-based sem....

anyway. The whole thrust of the story is less seminary and more about the little ways we look down at each other, unfortunately - but hey, I'm not giving anything away!!!

Posted: Fri, Apr 30 2010, 6:38 am Post subject: Re: re: Standards Novella

Gold Member Joined: Mar 07 2006 Posts: 1570

Posted: Fri, Apr 30 2010, 9:52 am Post subject: re: Standards Novella

I had some high school teachers who would get along with Rebetzin Sori very well. They were the ones who were all chummy and involved with the high-class, "perfect" girls from perfect homes, not ones who had challenges of any sort.

I grew up in a big family that had it's share of challenges and life was not easy....I had some incredible teachers that I could talk to, but some that I just didn't meet their standard. They thought that the terrific girls were the ones who, y'know, the father is in chinuch or Kodesh and the mother teaches and the family is all cookie-cutter good kids...or the father is a big Bal Tzedakah, and they are parents of the year....They didn't relate to a good girl who had siblings at risk, and a sibling who wasn't well, and parents barely managing the situation, whatever....

When it came to seminary, even though I was an A student they did not recommend me and I did not get in. When I had a one-on-one meeting with the teacher who was in charge of seminary placement, she basically told me to forget about E"Y because it's hard to get in (unspoken was - I won't be pushing for YOU) and that I should strongly consider BY of BP.

So after I got my pending letter, I called the principal of an E"Y seminary myself, and B"H she was not at all like Rebetzin Sori....she gave me the time and heard me, and heard my reasons for wanting to come, and I got accepted on pending.

Seminary was such a defining year of my life. I was away from my family and I was able to absorb so much, and I had a close relationship with the Rebetzin who reminded me several times that she was really glad that I picked up the phone...

OK...yikes I wish amother was enabled on this forum, should I post or just delete....
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Chayalle

Diamond Member Joined: Nov 10 2005 Posts: 3401

I just finished the third one - couldn't wait for Shabbos and I am really enjoying. The characters are so true to life!

Funny story: I had my husband read Shortchanged along with me and he started this story too. Last Shabbos afternoon, he commented how the first story didn't see to correlate to the second story (which had me confused since it definitely did) but when he went on to say how he guesses that Jeffrey will become frum and marry the girl who didn't get into seminary, I realized he read your other story instead! Right author, wrong story lol!

Active Poster Joined: Feb 25 2009 Posts: 39

I just wanted to let you know how much I loved your lag baomer story. I reread it again and I could not get over how well it was written. I wish I was in Miron....

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 27 2005 Posts: 2860

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 27 2005 Posts: 2860

oh and Scotty-- I'm dying of suspense.....I wanna know what happens to this couple... will they get engaged?

This is so short for a topic that cld go on and on....

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 01 2005 Posts: 17093

Forgive me, I didnt notice this thread.

Etka dear, I have a question... in this week's installment, I am afraid you made a shtickle oversight. Which mother doesnt ask the NAME of the girl being redt to her son before saying yes? How did Sori Hochman not ask the rebbetzin for the name? I've never hear of such a thing. Am I overlooking something?
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http://www.autism-parenting.com

Senior Member Joined: Mar 16 2010 Posts: 195

WOW! This is so fantastic!! I should check imamother more often, talk about ego boost...

First off, thanks everyone for posting....!!

Secondly, about the shidduch issue Mama Bear raised in that oh-so-flatteringly-named post..... OF COURSE Sori heard Mimi's name at the start, and OF COURSE the Hochmans steeped themselves in research (at least, Moshe Yosef did, as has apppeared/will appear in the story, depending on which chapter we're up to publishing this week, I don't recall offhand.) The fact that the characters don't mention the name is for dramatic purposes only - you bet Sori heard the name right away! My first draft was actually very straightforward with that - it was my mother and editors who suggested I be coy. As for remembering the name, Sori does in-depth 'research' of sorts on HUNDREDS of girls every year. That's between FOUR TO EIGHT HUNDRED girls since she met Mimi, aside from the hundreds of similar applicants who preceded her... (That's why she keeps the Notebooks, for further reference -who could possibly remember so much and still function?)

Not unlike principals who don't give shidduch info on students they can't possibly recall - and this is for a girl she met for, like, ten minutes? Remember, she rejects MOST of the applicants, so Mimi wasn't anything special or memorable with that, either. I think it's perfectly understandable for Sori not to recognize Mimi's name or info...YET.

As for the Zimmers recognizing Meir's name, well... if any of you have got girls on the market, you know what it's like. Everyone passes around the same names, all the time, and the girls know more about the Top Boys than the Roshei Yeshiva do Smile

)

I can't recall if there were any other questions on the other thread...

As far as the comments here, THANK YOU SO MUCH! I just finished writing the last chapter today - though there's plenty of chopping still to do there, unfortunately (limited space, unlimited goodness to squeeze into it, such is life), and this is so encouraging!

Chayalle: Wow. Just wow. Goosebump central here. May I mention you were brave?

realeez: Joke of the Week. Seriously. I am cracking up here!!! Actually, Jeffrey is the 'weird' brother of Alison (from the Yom Kippur story) - not that anyone would notice. I just was having fun with myself.

sunny90 - I cannot tell you how many times I think of this. It's something I try to remember every day. Like, can we all please say good shabbos to each other? (Same gender only, if you'd like) Just say good shabbos. I've met you at Sinai, isn't that enough for us to say hello again? Don't be shy, I'm not nervous - I just want to share my happiness at our mutual day of holy rest. Okay?

(Oops. Ranting again.)

Thanks, everyone! Love the questions and comments. Wow!

Mama Bear, you are making me blush. A thread with my name in it? What shall I do? It's like having a building with your name on it and passing by with your arms full of groceries.

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 01 2005 Posts: 17093

Hmmm what Jeffrey was in Standards?

As to having or not having heard Mimi's name, Scotty, I guess for dramatic purposes it's more of a big deal to Henny, since Sori treated Mimi so badly a year ago, but to Sori, Mimi's name isnt sucha big deal right now, rather the fact that she didnt go to seminary, I guess.

The story is very predictable and dare I say - on the more typical side? BUT it airs very very very important contemporary topics, so kudos!

Diamond Member Joined: Nov 10 2005 Posts: 3401

Posted: Tue, May 04 2010, 4:27 pm Post subject: re: Standards Novella

Just a second! Which week's Binah had Jeffery in it. It would have remembered him! It must have been the week the planes were grounded because of the volcano and the Binah office in England printed their own copy ( I have never seen such bad printing and I'm a graphic designer) - but it was missing half the magazine. Evil or Very Mad

Scotty, can you e-mail me the the story or something - I paid full price for that magazine and I didn't even get your story!!!! Evil or Very Mad

Pleeeease PM me for my email address. Thanks!
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Everything is in the hands of heaven, except for fear of heaven

Posted: Tue, May 04 2010, 10:45 pm Post subject: re: Standards Novella

Etka- keep it going!

My story with sem turned out differently. We once had a discussion in eleventh grade about learning boys and Israeli sems and it got a little heated when I said I didn't think I wanted to go to sem in Israel. Besides for my parents not paying for it, I didn't feel up to another year of learning and pressure.

Teacher then told me that I was never going to marry a learning boy if I didn't go to sem in Israel.

Told her I didn't want to marry a learning boy. Okay, I may have said something to the effect of "What?! You want me to do all the work and have the kids too?" (not my finesnt moment. High school for me was a lot of those moments all put together really....)

She called me an apikorus, my parents got called down to school, was told that no good Israeli sem or boy would ever take me, got suspended for a day (but that might have been my attitude too) and I cut "reb Sori's" class for the rest of the year.

Met her at a school dinner two years ago. When my husband was mentioned as a donor who helped pay her payroll, "Reb Sori" sniffed and told whoever would listen that she'd rather have gone without her check than have it come from someone like me.

I laughed my head off. Still laughing actually while I'm writing this post.

But not really very funny. I don't plan on my kids ever going to sem in Israel either. Just hope they have the sense to keep their mouths shut and the mazal to never meet up with any rebbetzins like mine.