Advice regarding school for next year for a child

My child has been diagnosed with a social emotional disorder. There is tremendous pressure for me to put her in public school, "because they have more experience dealing with children like her".

But I want her to have a Jewish education, I feel so torn.

First are you in New York?

In Brooklyn there are a couple religious schools for children with disabilites HASC, Yeled V'yalda, and a few more that I don't know about.

unfortunately no Crying or Very sad

cannot afford to live in NY currently, I want my degree first so I can have a decent job in NY

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 18 2005 Posts: 2906

I feel for you, amother. we've been there. at this point I am not considering PS. how old is your child? my dd will be going into second grade next year, and will be continuing in the school she was in this year, even though I am still getting that same line 'the public schools have more experience and resources to help her'. I personally would consider homeschooling before public school.
IMO, a jewish child deserves to be in a place where religion will permeate her day. its more than just a jewish education. I plan to continue fighting to keep her in a jewish school and hopefully things will be better next year than they were this year

what are your child's symptoms/issues in school? can the teachers and support staff be educated in how to help him/her? does your child qualify for any services? what is your gut feeling - do you think your child can thrive in a jewish school or do you think he really needs the 'expertise' of the public school system?

pm me if you want

Posted: Thu, Jun 15 2006, 8:22 pm Post subject:

if they give you a chance to put her in a yeshiva, try it out. Maybe you can get a para or shadow or 1-on-1 therapist to be with her.
Whatever happens, if you have to put her in PS, remember that she can be a good jewish child wherever she is, just you'll need to teach her things like davening, etc, which she won't know otherwise.
good luck!
I'm a teacher and certified in special ed. Although I'm not experienced with children with social emotional difficulties, feel free to PM me if I can be of any help.
_________________
"G-d's gifts to you are your talents...How you use them is your gift to G-d."

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 20 2004 Posts: 17151

I think it means something like autism or the like.
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k'h

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 18 2005 Posts: 2906

not necessarily. social emotional problems can mean almost anything, from immaturity to anxiety to undiagnosed adhd to anything on the autistic spectrum.
I think its the nature and severity of issues together with the willingness and capability of the school to work with the family for the child that will determine whether or not such a child can/should remain in yeshiva. diagnosis alone cannot determine such a thing.

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 20 2004 Posts: 17151

immaturity to autism?

quite a range!

I wonder ... if it can be almost anything, well ... then it sounds meaningless Confused

perhaps someone can explain this to me

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 18 2005 Posts: 2906

I mean that a diagnosis is as good as the diagnostician. many different behaviors fall under 'social emotional problems' and kids with a wide variety of disorders exhibit those types of symptoms. so a kid with autism would have social emotional problems, but so would a kid who is immature and having alot of pressure put on him at home.
to me, the diagnosis of 'social emotional disorder' is somewhat meaningless.

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 20 2004 Posts: 17151

Gold Member Joined: Jan 06 2006 Posts: 1158

Is "Social Emotional Disorder" its own diagnosis in the DSM?
I thought it was more of an umbrella diagnosis, like "Heart Disease", into which other, more specific diagnoses can fit.

Diamond Member Joined: Dec 18 2005 Posts: 2906

I looked it up in the dsmIV and couldn't find it
I know that the school districts will use ED (emotional disorder, or is it disability?) as a qualifying diagnosis on an IEP, but that doesn't mean that its a 'real' diagnosis.

I live in NY and was continually encouraged to place my dd in public school because in ps the teachers are trained to deal with her issues, behavioral issues. Board of Ed has classified her as emotionally disturbed. I talked to lots of people in the community, from different organizations, most of them agreed that my child would need a special ed class, however all the special ed classes were IMHO inappropiate for my dd. The only 2 people who agreed with me were my dd's therapist and the amazing Rabbi E. (principal of one of the local schools).
I appealed to the Dept. of Ed to provide a one-on-one shadow for my dd, which was somewhat of a help.
B"H it's now 3 yrs later and my dd is blossoming, thriving, growing, keeping up with her peers behaviorally, socially, etc.
Three years ago I had no way of knowing this would be the outcome. Had I discounted my own intuition and gone along with the recommendation of placing my dd in ps, I shudder at the thought of it......
I kept asking and keep asking Hashem for guidance and siyata dishmaya, every week at the Shabos lecht I ask him to be "chonen daas" to me, for without Him I cannot do it.
B"H, the child who (almost) everyone thought was doomed has come out of the tunnel alive and well.
I must say that what's made a big diff was showering her with lots of unconditional love, complimenting whenever possible, talking to her gently and with sensitivity, etc.
Hatzlacha to you!

Gold Member Joined: Jan 14 2005 Posts: 1239

Depending on the age of your child and the way they work the public school system in your city, I have seen many people put their child in a frum school in the morning (limudei kodesh) and then go to public school in the afternoon. Even if she can spend a few hours a day in a frum school, it might be a nice balance.

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 20 2004 Posts: 17151

Motek, thank you! It's only with the tremendous help from Hashem that this has come about. (I hold Him accountable for the challenge in the first place......)

Re: "social-emotional disorder"; who gave that diagnosis, a professional or teachers and principal? social/emotional maladjustment/underdevelopment can be part of aspergers, autistic-spectrum disorders, even cognitive delays can affect social-emotional development. So what's the bigger picture here? Care to tell us more? With more info we may be better able to support you.

My child was diagnosed with PDD 9 months ago. (very close to autism) I cried almost every night for about 3 months in the beginning. Since then we have started home therapies and have decided to put him in a public school in a class room that has both typically developing children and more challenged children. We went to the classroom, visited the teacher, met the speech therapist and developmental therapist and I must say that I am happy to know that he will have teachers there who are so used to teaching these types of kids and teaching them life skills that (after crying for 3 months and refusing to look at public schools) I am actually a bit exited. I spoke with 2 other frum moms with children with special needs and they explained their point of view, how in a yeshiva the focus is Torah, which a lot of will not help these special kids communicate and deal with their unique challenges in life - which is what the focus of specialized classes, or autistic support classrooms are for. (make sure you visit and feel comfortable with the teacher etc.) This is the path we chose to make for the next 2 years. It's probably a good idea to take one or two years at a time, always keeping yeshiva open, even if it's for half a day yeshiva and half a day public school. You want their world to be a happy one , one that they can smile a laugh in, one that is somewhat predictable and not so horribly confusing like it may be right now.