Good sleeper (and co-sleeper) no more- Please help me

Shmaya, now 6 months, used to be a great sleeper. I made sure to have him on the EASY (Eat, Activity, Sleep, Yourself) routine because I didn't want to fall into the "Nurse him to sleep" trap. Up until he was 2 months old or so, I would just stick him in his crib and he would fall asleep on his own. Then, I started needing to swaddle him to sleep and occasionally rock him while swaddling. But even with that, he'd be asleep within 2 minutes, and even start falling asleep once I swaddled him.

Then my baby got sick, was in the hospital... and his whole routine got so messed up. He was so kvetchy, kept on getting woken up to get prodded and poked... and I ended up nursing him to sleep. More than once. And fell out of our routine.

No more. Now we're back to the routine... but I can't get him to sleep! Swaddling him and and even rocking him doesn't work. Out of desperation I try to nurse him to sleep- but he is just so distracted by everything going on- it doesnt matter if we're in a quiet room with only a night light on- he is distracted by any and all visual stimuli and doesn't want to go back to sleep. I was also co-sleeping because I am too tired to wait up for him to go back to sleep and only then sleep- after I went to bed I put him into my bed and nursed him while "sleeping" when needed. Now he often won't fall back asleep while nursing, so I need to nurse him, turn him on his tummy, pat him to sleep for a while... and even then, sometimes he won't go back to sleep and I'm up insanely early.

Right now I have to do all sorts of crazy wild things to get my baby to sleep. Yesterday, for example, I was only able to put him to sleep after I swaddled him, held him on his tummy on my arm, patted his back with the other, shushed him, danced around with him in a silent room- and put a shawl over the lot to cut out visual stimulation. And even that doesn't always work. Sometimes wearing him in a wrap will put him to sleep.

I go out of my mind EACH time I need to put him to sleep. Whenever he is tired, I want to just shove him into someone's arms and shout "Take him! You do it!"

I am opposed to letting babies cry themselves to sleep. At least at this age.
But I need help. I can't keep on doing what I'm doing now. 4 times a day. Ad nauseum! Its nuts! Why am I "blessed" with the "good fortune" of having kids that have major sleeping issues??????
Oh, and if you were I, would you move your kid out of your room, or at least stop co-sleeping, so you'd at least have your bed back after you put the baby back to sleep?
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Posted: Mon, Mar 01 2010, 4:25 am Post subject:

my sons alot older and started off very similar. would put himself to sleep, or snuggle against a blanket and ptu himself to sleep. when he was 4 months he stopped. I hated the idea of nursing him to sleep and apparently he never fell for that either. he was in a bassinet right next to my bed but after he stopped 'putting himself to sleep' I had to bunk him up next to me bc I had no patience to rock him repeatedly. when I stopped nursing him I said I had enough of rocking him to sleep and making one wrong move and hes up. so I moved him into his crib and sat there and kept putting him on his pillow over and over and over took weeks til he finally went down calmly and went to sleep while holding my hand or being pat. BUT then I had enough of patting him and the amount of times he woke up at night and the only way to get him back to sleep in those wee hours of the morning was patting and I couldnt stand it so I let him cry. it was hard. the first night I went in after ten minutes to let him know I was there. after 2 weeks, the cries went from 1/2 hour long (with me coming in the middle, to 20 second kvetches. he sleeps thank god through the night now, and I started in october. I did not do this with my daughter, but she slept very well. I found this was my last resort, and some kids react well to this, otherwise I would still be patting him to sleep and I have no patience and am too exhausted to do such from 9 pm until 7
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I can't morally let my kid cry it out when he doesn't understand what I'm saying. I let my older son cry it out as the last resort when he was 13 months and understood what I said, but I can't do that with a 6 month old.

Any other suggestions?

Posted: Mon, Mar 01 2010, 4:48 am Post subject:

A snuggly that smells like you...a t-shirt that you haven't washed yet works great. And I don't believe that a 6 month old doesn't understand what he's being told...

And yes, STOP COSLEEPING!
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Posted: Mon, Mar 01 2010, 4:52 am Post subject:

When this happened with DS I realized I needed to change his naps, I think it was at this point that I let him stay up longer in between. He just wasn't tired yet, even though he could be cranky. It was hard for a while until he sort of caught up. I had to keep him entertained for the 30 minutes or so until he was ready to sleep. Nothing too stimulating though. Maybe the door jumper for 15 minutes, then 15 minutes of books or something.

Posted: Mon, Mar 01 2010, 5:06 am Post subject:

so, cosleep with him, and deal with this for another 6 months , and rock him and do all crazy shenanigans with him on a daily basis until you feel he understands.

unless u were willign to let him cry it out even if he didnt understand, theres not much to do with a clingy child. and it doesnt get easier - the rocking I mean- at 8 kilo I did not want to rock my kid anymore. sorry.

im being blunt, and not intending to be mean by any of this.

Posted: Mon, Mar 01 2010, 5:14 am Post subject:

Posted: Mon, Mar 01 2010, 5:23 am Post subject:

Posted: Mon, Mar 01 2010, 5:32 am Post subject:

Posted: Mon, Mar 01 2010, 5:41 am Post subject:

when you find out, or if anyone posts so here, I guess I will be happy. its not like people are "happy" with CIO but you know what, sometimes there just arent any other options. so we make the best of the CIO and dont let it last as long as hours on end. and be as much of a comfort to the child until they learn to pacify themselves.

Posted: Mon, Mar 01 2010, 5:44 am Post subject:

Posted: Mon, Mar 01 2010, 5:50 am Post subject:

ok well the way we put my son to sleep by patting, was putting him in his crib on his stomach. put my hand under his cheek and between the pillow and letting him hold my arm ... calming him and singing to him while patting his butt till he calmed down fully and started falling asleep and all this while hanging over the crib was not too comfy, but was a solution for a bit till we got him into the big crib. now, this was extremely annoying and then he got used to that - so I was stuck...and at three o clock I had no patience to do this and neither did I have the patience at 5 when he woke again. so the problem - he wasnt able to self sooth... so I was that for him. now - after the crying it out - he wakes up at 3 or at five gives a little kvetch and falls back asleep on his own. so....after all those months of patting.. im free, and it wasnt even worth the avoidance of letting him cry.

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 17 2008 Posts: 3554

Gold Member Joined: Apr 23 2007 Posts: 2416

Do you still have the baby whisperer book? (The big one, Baby Whisperer answers all of your questions")

Then read her chapter on Pick up/Put down. Thats the best way to reteach a baby to sleep after 4 mos I'm also against CIO and her method is as well. Its all about getting the baby's needs met (physical and emotional) while teaching him how to sleep on his own

its totally normal that he "forgot" how to fall asleep after being sick and needing to be held etc It will likely take a while to reteach him (think up to 2 weeks) But if you follow through and are consistent it will work

Diamond Member Joined: Mar 17 2008 Posts: 3554

I read about this. It pretty much means (and please correct me if I'm wrong) picking up the baby when he cries, calming him, then putting him down again, over and over again, until he decides to fall asleep on his own.

I tried this.

I realize maybe I should share some of the other advice I got. It didnt' work for me, but maybe it will work for you?

Try calming him until he's very limp in your arms, even if not asleep yet, and then put him down while still holding your hands beneath him, so he's not directly on your bed, more just on your hands. If he then falls asleep, you can slip your hands out.

Do you have a rocking chair? It can become addictive for him, but it's a way around crying it out, and it's easier than walking and bouncing him.

If you really need to bounce him, try sitting on a bed and bouncing. Easier on your back.

Try infant massage. Can relax your baby better so that he'll go to sleep more easily.

For some reason stroking his cheek seems to help some babies?

Try a bath before bedtime. (Wakes up my baby, but relaxes others.)

Shh-ing in his ear while patting.

Hope some of these help!

Platinum Member Joined: Sep 11 2004 Posts: 19241

Seraph, I have no advice, just sympathy. None of my kids were good sleepers. I don't hold by CIO either, since I did it with my first and have regrets now for life. All of my kids do what you described, slept nicely for a few months until they were old enough to be curious about their surroundings and thereon our home was upside down.

PU/PD doesn't work here, wake to sleep doesn't either.

The only thing I have worth saying is that it may very well be a stage that lasts only a little while, and by the time you figure out why it's going on, it'll be over.

Also, if you are tense/frustrated/upset while putting the baby to sleep, he'll pick up on that and not be able to relax. So sometimes I'll let the bay cry for about 20 seconds, just enough time to take a few good deep breaths and relax before resuming.
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Gold Member Joined: Apr 23 2007 Posts: 2416