Rude!only one bed in guestroom!

Posted: Wed, Dec 23 2009, 11:06 am Post subject: rude!only one bed in guestroom!

im a BT and my parents really want to have my husband and me over for shabbos...the problem is that their guestroom only has one bed. and im in nidda.im so frustrated by thsi situation. they are realy excited for us to come but im not letting dh sleep on the floor....what would u do?

Why rude? it's the standard in most houses I've visited. They can't know you a nidda, and if they are not frum I doubt they know frum people don't sleep in the same bed when nida.
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Gold Member Joined: May 19 2006 Posts: 1682

ask rav if you can put a bunch of pillows between you 2 as a barrier...

why rude? do your parents intricately know the laws of nidda?

Posted: Wed, Dec 23 2009, 11:16 am Post subject:

How about investing in a folding bed and leaving it in the guest room folded for emergencies like these?
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Silver Member Joined: Nov 06 2009 Posts: 596

In my parents' house ב''ה I know where to discreetly find the old foldable mattress my brother used to use for sleep-overs. Otherwise we just bring a sleeping bag.

They aren't supposed to know if you're nidda or not, and if they aren't frum they probably would think it rude to give a married couple twin beds.

its rude because ive explained these laws of nidda multiple times and they are just like "wha?"
I know they dont mean it in a malicious way they just dont get it but it still bothers me...
and I would totally invest in an air mattress or fold out bed for later but if I broguht it now it would be OBVIOUS why and I dont need them knowing my nidda status

It's the same thing when you go on vacation and find that it's the "wrong time of month" and there is only one bed

What about investing in a rubber mattress or something that you can keep in the car for such emergencies? Or better yet - if you have a good relationship with you Mother, explain the problem to her; you may be amazed at how understanding she is.

My Mother wasn't yet frum when I married, and I had to explain chuppa nidda Crying or Very sad

to her. She was totally wowed by the fact that people can have such self-control!
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Gold Member Joined: Jan 29 2006 Posts: 1142

I just bought a fold out foam mat yesterday, at Costco. It folds into a plastic bag and can be easily carried on your shoulder. They might not notice it, till you've left?

~Debbie

Silver Member Joined: Nov 06 2009 Posts: 596

So bring the air bed in a bag and put it up in your room. If they're liable to see it once up they'd be just as liable to notice did you use one bed or two.

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 12 2007 Posts: 20597

Foldable camp cots weigh next to nothing, can be put in a duffel bag, and are probably more comfortable than a thin mattress on the floor.
There are air mattresses in all sizes which come with their own pump and in a duffel of their own, and are quite comfortable to sleep on as long as there are no holes in the mattress and you find yourself on the floor at some point.
Take responsibility and don't fret.

What about just having your hubby use a sleeping bag ON the bed?
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Platinum Member Joined: May 13 2007 Posts: 8153

Executive Member Joined: Aug 13 2009 Posts: 306

We tell my in-laws we need two beds with space in between them all of the time. We won't stay in a room that isn't set up this way. From now on always have two beds set up even if you don't need it. Invest in a cot or blow up mattress and store it there. Every time your over set it up this way.

Active Poster Joined: Dec 06 2009 Posts: 34

I'm not so sure you are right about it being a problem if they know you are nidda. You are supposed to keep a leil tevila secretive, and it is probably preferable not to disclose if you are *not* a nidda for tznius purposes, but I don't recall the opposite being true. (Not that I am telling you to announce it to the world, which I'm sure is also a breech in tznius.) At least in frum crowds, it does sometimes become quite obvious to see a couple awkwardly trying not to hand each other keys or especially a baby, etc., but we don't bend halacha just because people might know you are nidda. So I think the option of explaining to your mother that you simply can't stay by her without two beds is totally sanctioned by halacha (though of course you can ask a shaala if you want), and whether you offer to bring your own fold-up bed to keep at their house or ask if they can get one is up to you. Then, of course, as others have suggested, insist that it is always there regardless of your personal status (which you should not have to reveal again after this), and that is just as much a criteria for you to be able to stay for Shabbos as having available a place to bentch licht and kosher food. But, no, neither you or your husband should have to sleep on the floor, and it is k'dai to nip it in the bud and be straightforward about this, as these are your parents, and I assume this will not be the last time they will want you to sleep by them for Shabbos.

Silver Member Joined: Nov 06 2009 Posts: 596

My mother's not Jewish. Her spare room has one double bed. She bought a camp mattress thing for when we both stay (sometimes it's just me and the kids). In public we act as if we're nidda all the time. Don't hand things to each other etc. So we ALWAYS set up both beds also. It's noone's business and by doing things this way people will never know. It prevents a lot of this sort of awkwardness and it may be something you should consider. In the past he'd just come and join me in the bed sometimes, now I generally share the bed with my eldest son (he's 3) so that won't be happening.
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I also think you should get a folding cot (there are some pretty comfortable folding cots for a reasonable price) and bring it into the room every time you come. They'll get used to it being there and won't think twice about it. Even more, maybe they'll finally agree to get a second bed?
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invest in the blow up mattress, and tell your mom that you are bringing it so you can keep it in the closet so you don't have to worry next time they want you to come over. they don't have to know you're in nidda.