Loved this - Happy interfatih holiday season

Senior Member Joined: Feb 18 2008 Posts: 199

This is from the last New Yorker. Made me smile a lot.

Holly or Challah?
by Paul Rudnick December 21, 2009

Just because anyone with half a brain celebrates x-mas, no one should ever use the holiday to make non-Christians feel uncomfortable. Here are some tips to help the sensitive Christian make everyone, no matter what they�re wearing on their head, feel at ease and have a Happy Interfaith Holiday Season!

1. When non-Christians are present, don�t call Yoshke �Our Saviour,� �Our Lord,� or �Mister Perfect.� Refer to him more casually, as �the Son of God, or maybe not,� �the Jew that got away,� or �the bachelor.� When chatting with Jews, try to avoid the subject of the death of Yoshke. If a Jew asks, �So how did Yoshke die?,� simply reply, �Natural causes.�

2. Don�t refer to x-mas as a day to celebrate the birth of Yoshke. Instead, try calling it �the world�s day off � or �a big party for almost everyone.� Instead of saying �Merry x-mas!,� try calling out, �The plain wrapping paper is right over there in the corner!�

3. If you�re visiting a mixed couple during the holidays, here are a couple of gift suggestions: for the Christian wife, a bayberry-scented candle or a fresh evergreen wreath; for the Jewish husband, a lovely framed portrait of his parents, rending their clothes and sobbing.

4. Try to take a delighted interest in the Jewish holidays by asking questions like �Do you ever create a tiny Victorian village under your menorah?,� �Does your family sing �Silent Night� in Hebrew?,� and �When you were little, did you ever wonder if Santa hated you?�

5. When you�re walking down the street with a Jewish friend and you pass a sidewalk Santa, say something comforting, like �Yoshke barely knew him,� or �I bet you liked sitting on the big rabbi�s lap.� You might even introduce Santa to your friend by saying, �Santa, this is Richard Weiner. And it really doesn�t matter if he�s been bad or good.�

6. On x-mas Eve, why not remind Jewish children to leave out milk and cookies for Mayor Bloomberg?

7. For a jolly holiday film festival, invite your Jewish neighbors over and screen �White x-mas,� �Miracle on 34th Street,� and �Munich.�

8. When a Jewish friend compliments your x-mas tree, modestly reply, �Oh, but it�s not as nice as your couch.�

9. Change the words to popular x-mas songs, as in �Frosty the Orthodox Rebbe,� �Deck the Halls with Photos of Your Many Beautiful Grandchildren,� and �I Saw Mommy Kissing Our Accountant.�

10. Never refer to Hanukkah as �their x-mas,� �Merry Wannabe,� or �the Goldberg variation.�

11. For real holiday enchantment, tell your kids the story of �Yussel, the Reindeer Who Spent the Whole Night Studying.�

12. If your town wants to put up a life-size cr�che on public property, suggest that there should also be, right beside the Nativity scene, mannequins representing a Jewish family, sitting outside the manger and reading the Sunday Times. ♦

Read more: http://www.newyorker.com/humor/2009/12/21/091221sh_shouts_rudnick#ixzz0ZsXTfdyJ

Platinum Member Joined: Nov 04 2008 Posts: 7928

I know, I cracked up when I read that!! Super!
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Platinum Member Joined: Dec 27 2007 Posts: 7250

that was good, especially frosty the orthodox rebbe

Silver Member Joined: Oct 07 2009 Posts: 612

This is hilarious, thanks for posting!
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Executive Member Joined: Aug 25 2009 Posts: 356

I didn't find it funny..

Platinum Member Joined: May 22 2005 Posts: 13795

Platinum Member Joined: Dec 27 2007 Posts: 7250

Executive Member Joined: Aug 25 2009 Posts: 356

quite a bite youve got there marina

Platinum Member Joined: May 13 2007 Posts: 8153

I thought it was great, thanks for sharing.

Gold Member Joined: Oct 05 2008 Posts: 2231

Not funny to me either, but I always knew I was special.

thanks for the laugh. I actually laughed the hardest at the "picture for the husband of his parents rending their clothing"

this was definitely cute.

What I find humorous about it is the correct image of the Yid not relating to, and being totally unconcerned with, goyishe culture. I mean, imagine the Jew's bewildered or smirking looks at hearing some of these comments!
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"Often the things you worry about don't happen but other stuff does."
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I like the last line best

Platinum Member Joined: May 22 2005 Posts: 13795

I thought it was hysterical!

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 12 2009 Posts: 13192

Reminds me of the story of the O'Brien and Seigel families. Good neighbors and friends. Little Seigel went over to visit little O'Brien one December and Mr. B brought the boy back to his parents, annoyed. "He was coming over for a friendly visit, then he saw our tree and started asking all sorts of questions. How tall does it have to be? How many ornaments does it need? How many days do you use it? Does it matter which part of the room it's in? etc."

Executive Member Joined: Oct 19 2009 Posts: 306

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http://www.jewishworldreview.com/1298/kringler1.asp