"How much do you earn?"

Gold Member Joined: Sep 22 2009 Posts: 1745

my sister and I were discussing how overwhelming pesach + kids on vacation + work is. I said something like "all my paycheck is going on babysitting this month"
to which she asked "how much do you make anyway"?

I think this is a very personal question and would never think to ask it. Why is it her business how much I make? I figured it just sliped out by mistake but when I told her I thought it is inappropriate she did not understand what I'm talking about and was like "whats the big deal my sils talk about how much they make all the time"

So am I the crazy one? is there really nothing wrong with asking someone how much they make?

Posted: Sun, Mar 21 2010, 10:40 am Post subject: re: "How much do you earn?"

A sister is a close relative, not a stranger. I would have no problem asking my sister or telling my sister what I make. But outside of close relatives, it's nobody's business.

Posted: Sun, Mar 21 2010, 10:44 am Post subject: re: "How much do you earn?"

The problem is that it's often equally rude to correct other adults on matters of manners. So perhaps all one can do is say vaguely, "Oh, I wasn't looking to discuss details, just commenting on how much extra babysitting I'll have this month."

Diamond Member Joined: Oct 08 2009 Posts: 4018

Gold Member Joined: Sep 22 2009 Posts: 1745

Well abviously (as I said in my post) I was not comfortable answering not because I make so much (I really don't) but because of the dynamics of my relationship with her.

She was so shocked about this that I was just wondering if I am weird...

Platinum Member Joined: May 15 2008 Posts: 5054

I also consider this a personal question.

Gold Member Joined: Jul 22 2007 Posts: 1206

It is an American cultural thing. I understand that in Israel total strangers feel comfortable discussing finances.

I wouldn't consider it a rude question per se, especially not from a close relative, but that doesn't mean you need to answer it either - just gently brush it off, as you would with any question you prefer not to answer.

Posted: Sun, Mar 21 2010, 11:58 am Post subject: re: "How much do you earn?"

I consider it a personal question and would prefer not to share it with anyone. However, I wouldn't be surprised if my sister would ask. If I choose not to share, I'd say so.

In Israel this is a typical question.
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Platinum Member Joined: Mar 24 2008 Posts: 6528

I don't feel comfortable sharing this with my SIL. I'd answer something like "not as much as I'm worth/I'd like.." etc. In a joky way.

Posted: Sun, Mar 21 2010, 1:15 pm Post subject: re: "How much do you earn?"

Even an acquaintance I would answer, unless I make so much I'm afraid of ayn hara. Halevai! lol
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Platinum Member Joined: Jan 01 2006 Posts: 48156

Silver Member Joined: Sep 16 2009 Posts: 553

when I was single and worked for many years as a mothers helper and got paid very well.
my friends always used to ask me how much I made.
I too think that it is no ones buiseness how much money I make.
some friends got annoyed at me and thought I was wierd. and some totally got it.

apart from it being personal,
I think that such information can cause "kina v'sina"
ppl get jealous
and
"ein habrach shruya...."
there is no blessing on something that is not kept private.
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Posted: Mon, Mar 22 2010, 12:13 am Post subject: re: "How much do you earn?"

I think it's a normal question to ask, but I know a lot of people are uncomfortable with the question. People are usually just curious. Some people are comfortable answering, and some aren't, usually depending on how close the relationship is. Sometimes you might not want to share it if you're afraid the other person will be jealous.

Gold Member Joined: Mar 16 2009 Posts: 2292

Diamond Member Joined: Jan 24 2010 Posts: 3400

I guess if it's a friend or family member asking me innocently without some ulterior motives, then I don't care to tell them. It is kind of weird if someone I'm not too close with and like asks me that sort of question... Ummm... Are you a tax assessor or something? geez!

Moderator Joined: Nov 20 2005 Posts: 4868

Unless you are my accountant, or taking my application for my new second home Smile

it's none of your business how much I do or don't earn.

Very rude.

Posted: Mon, Mar 22 2010, 5:53 am Post subject: re: "How much do you earn?"

I agree it is something private, no one likes to share with strangers or even just stam people, but your sister or best friend or whatever, are not just stam people and it is legitimate to ask a sister how much she earns.
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Gold Member Joined: Nov 27 2008 Posts: 1635

I would never ask my sister how much she makes. It's really not my business and although we're close enough to discuss everything from Niddah shailos, disagreements with our husbands, and issues with in-laws for some reason I feel like finances are very private.
It also bothers me when people assume things about my own financial situation. I just had a situation recently where I was told by a good friend of mine what another friend thought my financial status was. It really got to me.

Posted: Mon, Mar 22 2010, 9:44 am Post subject:

I found this common place in Israel and among Israeli's. Sometimes it seeps into the non-Israeli's living there as well.

If you don't feel comfortable just say so. Don't lecture though. What may be rude to you might seem commonplace and not intrusive to her. Its definitely not across the board. Its a cultural thing.
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