Leaving a 11 month baby with siblings and grandmother

amother

Chambray

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 1:49 pm

amother Nasturtium wrote:

With her older sister at my parents house, where she was very comfortable and spent a lot of time. She just cried a lot, didn’t sleep well and missed me.

This is very different then baby staying in their own home, sleeping in their own bed, playing with their own toys & in their territory.

yOungM0mmy

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 1:56 pm

I did it for 1 night when my little one was 11 1/2 months. She stayed at my parents' house where she had been several times a week from birth, together with her 3 older brothers, and my siblings were home to help and hold her as well, as they had been all her life.
I called in regularly to check on her, she was absolutely fine, and was fine when we got home. It was the last time we had a night alone together for the next 9 1/2 years!

amother

Nasturtium

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 2:06 pm

amother Chambray wrote:

This is very different then baby staying in their own home, sleeping in their own bed, playing with their own toys & in their territory.

Maybe, but we had spent a lot of time at my parents house.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 2:31 pm

amother Bisque wrote:

Definitely without a doubt, and I'm the type of parent that would not leave a newborn with a baby nurse even in my house or go away for a Shabbos without any of my kids unless it really can't be helped.

But the op mentioned her child is 11 months. That is not a newborn.

amother

Steel

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 5:42 pm

It’s your baby’s familiar environment and their siblings will be with them. And it’s only 2 days. I think this is ok.

On the other hand someone posted a few months ago about leaving a small baby for a week, in the grandparents house, baby was younger and did not know the grandparents well. I was horrified with that. That op came back after to brag that she’d done the trip and baby was “fine” … like she could possibly tell what effects it had on the baby.

amother

Watermelon

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 5:53 pm

amother Steel wrote:

Hi, I'm the OP of that trainwreck! She still seems totally fine but thanks for your concern!

Here it is if you want more input, OP: https://www.imamother.com/foru.....18801

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 5:56 pm

amother OP wrote:

Not so often, every few weeks
She would come early that day and I’d be leaving at night
Hopefully she’ll be sleeping by the time I leave

I didnt read the replies yet.
how does this help? so she won't cry when you leave but she'll be traumatized not to see you in the morning.

amother

Blonde

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 5:58 pm

amother Steel wrote:

How do YOU know what effects it has on the baby? If she left her baby with loving grandparents and the baby is acting fine now then why do you assume the baby is not fine?

People feel such a need to scream how everything leads to trauma, when they have absolutely no proof to back them up.

amother

Blonde

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 5:59 pm

amother Jetblack wrote:

I didnt read the replies yet.
how does this help? so she won't cry when you leave but she'll be traumatized not to see you in the morning.

How do you know? Maybe the baby will be ok. Her siblings will be there and her grandparents.

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 5:59 pm

amother Watermelon wrote:

Hi, I'm the OP of that trainwreck! She still seems totally fine but thanks for your concern!

Here it is if you want more input, OP: https://www.imamother.com/foru.....18801

she's fine now. Maybe or maybe not will did it have a lasting effect, you cant know.

But WHILE you were away vacationing, this child suffered silently. I'm sure she was well taken care of physically and even emotionally given lots of attention. But you just disappeared from her life for a week! THAT IS TRAUMATIZING!

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 6:00 pm

amother Blonde wrote:

How do you know? Maybe the baby will be ok. Her siblings will be there and her grandparents.

You're right, I don't KNOW. I would never take that chance with my baby who will MAYBE be traumatized.

amother

Blonde

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 6:05 pm

amother Jetblack wrote:

You are very judgemental and overdramatic. You have no clue if the child suffered or not. And you have no proof it will lead to trauma. Do you send your child to nursery? Maybe that's traumatizing for your child.

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 6:10 pm

amother Blonde wrote:

A nursery child being traumatized? I believe this question was just to gaslight. You surely know the difference but if you don't:
A nursery kid understands that Mommy will pick her up soon.
A baby does not understand that.

amother

Steelblue

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 6:14 pm

https://medlineplus.gov/ency/a.....ence.

I quote

Separation anxiety in children

From 8 to 14 months, children often become frightened when they meet new people or visit new places. They recognize their parents as familiar and safe. When separated from their parents, they feel threatened and unsafe.

Separation anxiety is a normal stage as a child grows and develops. It helped keep our ancestors alive and helps children learn how to master the world around them.

It usually ends when the child is around 2 years old. At this age, toddlers begin to understand that parents may be out of sight now, but will return later. It's also normal for them to test their independence.

amother

Chambray

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 6:18 pm

amother Blonde wrote:

A pre school child understands the schedule of the day, that they go home in the afternoon. A pre school child can also tell their parents if something is bothering them or they're unhappy.
A baby cannot understand that mom will come back & a baby cannot tell their parents how they feel.
A helpless baby cannot be compared to a verbal pre school child.

That said, OP has a great arrangement in place and her baby will most likely be fine & not traumatized. OP should grab the opportunity while she can.

amother

Chambray

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 6:21 pm

amother Jetblack wrote:

You're right, I don't KNOW. I would never take that chance with my baby who will MAYBE be traumatized.

You seem very traumatized, so chances are that you feed your kids your trauma & they're traumatized if/when you leave them for a bit.
A baby staying in their own home with their siblings, will most likely not be traumatized & will be just fine.

amother

Acacia

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 6:32 pm

amother Jetblack wrote:

This was so overdramatic omg girl you need to chill and this is coming from someone who has never left her baby,

kenz

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 6:35 pm

amother DarkGray wrote:

I have left a baby that age with dh but wouldn't leave with a different adult unless it was a true emergency.

And I would leave a baby that age with my mom in a heartbeat, but I would never leave him/her with my DH unless he had lots of hands-on help. I would come home to find the baby cooking dinner and DH asleep in the bathtub. LOL

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 6:43 pm

amother Acacia wrote:

This was so overdramatic omg girl you need to chill and this is coming from someone who has never left her baby,

Hi! You disapprove of my post? I guess we have our differences. No need to put me down for it.

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 6:47 pm

amother Chambray wrote:

I seem traumatized?? Please explain.
I agree that OP's arrangements are super and the best case scenario if you need to leave a child.
I would still not do it.
And I am voicing my opinion. Why does that make me traumatized or feeding my kids with trauma? Why do people with different opinions act defensively?