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Forum
-> Hobbies, Crafts, and Collections
justforfun87
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 Mon, Mar 07 2022, 2:33 pm
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You ladies gross me out. yikes! Must be a pleasure being in your community. Mind your own business!! If OP husband wants to play some poker, let it be.
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BrisketBoss
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Mon, Mar 07 2022, 2:36 pm
| amother [ Amaryllis ] wrote: | | not of any help but just curious when does your husband have time for this if he's working, learning at least two hours (sounds like 3 ?) and spending time with your kids and you? |
You have time for what you make time for. I think it would do all of us good to spend an hour out with friends once during the week. I wish I had that.
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amother
Eggplant
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Mon, Mar 07 2022, 2:49 pm
| BrisketBoss wrote: | | You have time for what you make time for. I think it would do all of us good to spend an hour out with friends once during the week. I wish I had that. |
Exactly!! My husband does it motzei Shabbos after kids are in bed and I like my space then also . And it’s not a commitment he skips games many timea
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amother
OP
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Mon, Mar 07 2022, 2:50 pm
| amother [ Teal ] wrote: | We’re yeshivish so the mentality is different, but is this something your dh asked an eitza about? Could be worth asking. After 120 we have to give an accounting for every moment of our lives and since he’s a man with a chiyuv to learn it’s maybe not the best “outlet.” (Not that I can exactly brag about some of my leisure activities either, but for a man to plan out a kevua thing of gambling/wasting time every week seems worth asking about.) There are other ways to unwind that are also mitzvos, like exercising, or helping pack for Tomchei Shabbos, or learning with at risk boys…basically something that’s a change of pace from work but also productive/growth-oriented.
(Side note but we have a neighbor who left kollel and is working in sales and really struggled for a while. He started learning l’shem shamayim with my son who has a lot of challenges, and bH his income took off and he’s now ka”h doing very very well! He should just continue to have brocha and hatzlocha and kol tuv! So should you and your dh, op.) | he is already learning a lot every day. He needs fun for maybe two hours once a week. There is nothing wrong with that
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amother
OP
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Mon, Mar 07 2022, 2:52 pm
| amother [ Amaryllis ] wrote: | | not of any help but just curious when does your husband have time for this if he's working, learning at least two hours (sounds like 3 ?) and spending time with your kids and you? | again this is once a week. I’m willing to give up on some family/me time because by getting an outlet he is a better husband and father
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amother
OP
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Mon, Mar 07 2022, 2:53 pm
| BrisketBoss wrote: | | You have time for what you make time for. I think it would do all of us good to spend an hour out with friends once during the week. I wish I had that. | yea I’m trying to figure that out as well!
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amother
Natural
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Mon, Mar 07 2022, 3:31 pm
| amother [ Teal ] wrote: | We’re yeshivish so the mentality is different, but is this something your dh asked an eitza about? Could be worth asking. After 120 we have to give an accounting for every moment of our lives and since he’s a man with a chiyuv to learn it’s maybe not the best “outlet.” (Not that I can exactly brag about some of my leisure activities either, but for a man to plan out a kevua thing of gambling/wasting time every week seems worth asking about.) There are other ways to unwind that are also mitzvos, like exercising, or helping pack for Tomchei Shabbos, or learning with at risk boys…basically something that’s a change of pace from work but also productive/growth-oriented.
(Side note but we have a neighbor who left kollel and is working in sales and really struggled for a while. He started learning l’shem shamayim with my son who has a lot of challenges, and bH his income took off and he’s now ka”h doing very very well! He should just continue to have brocha and hatzlocha and kol tuv! So should you and your dh, op.) |
Cannot imagine living life with this mentality. I feel so bad for men who do this - so stressful and unnatural. Not every moment has to be spent doing something altruistic or spiritual, it’s important to have fun too to be a well rounded person!
I went to a litvish BY but come from a chassidish background and could never understand this way of thinking. Seems like way too high of an expectation for all men to spend literally all of their time productively.
I don’t mean to attack you though, amother Teal. You sound really sweet.
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amother
Amaryllis
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Mon, Mar 07 2022, 3:49 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | again this is once a week. I’m willing to give up on some family/me time because by getting an outlet he is a better wife and father |
I also find that my dh is much more pleasant and happy when he is able to have an outlet. different outlet and no going to a shiur or tomchei shabbos probably wouldn't cut it.
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Cookin4days
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Mon, Mar 07 2022, 4:13 pm
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Op you’re such an amazing wife for trying to help find your husband something fun to do
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BrachaBatya
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Mon, Mar 07 2022, 5:19 pm
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People here can be SO JUDGMENTAL. It's gross.
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amother
OP
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Mon, Mar 07 2022, 6:39 pm
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Thanks to all the people who said nice things or were supportive! Other “guys night out” ideas are welcome too. And to those who say that men arnt allowed to do anything but work, learn , and help their wives are men haters sorry.
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amother
Beige
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Mon, Mar 07 2022, 6:52 pm
Wow, I’m flabbergasted! So much judgement and holier than thou attitude. It reeks from גאוה.
Op, you seem like an amazing wife to an amazing husband.
Don’t believe the naysayers. They’re probably just jealous that you and your husband believe in some well deserved self care and wish they can get some themselves. Keep doing what you’re doing.
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amother
Daphne
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Mon, Mar 07 2022, 7:01 pm
Some of you here are so judgemental it’s disgusting.
Your Jewish holiness is absolutely radiating through my computer screen. I’m sure a Hashem appreciates your help immensely.
Shame on you.
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amother
Bone
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Mon, Mar 07 2022, 7:03 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | Thanks to all the people who said nice things or were supportive! Other “guys night out” ideas are welcome too. And to those who say that men arnt allowed to do anything but work, learn , and help their wives are men haters sorry. |
How about a bowling league (they can rent out a place) or maybe indoor golfing ?
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amother
Lemonchiffon
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Mon, Mar 07 2022, 7:12 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | Thanks to all the people who said nice things or were supportive! Other “guys night out” ideas are welcome too. And to those who say that men arnt allowed to do anything but work, learn , and help their wives are men haters sorry. |
Idk if you have been getting any helpful ideas, but he can probably find out on Chassidishe men's websites more than you will over here.
Maybe hosting something in your home will invite some company.
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amother
Lemonchiffon
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Mon, Mar 07 2022, 7:15 pm
| amother [ Teal ] wrote: | We’re yeshivish so the mentality is different, but is this something your dh asked an eitza about? Could be worth asking. After 120 we have to give an accounting for every moment of our lives and since he’s a man with a chiyuv to learn it’s maybe not the best “outlet.” (Not that I can exactly brag about some of my leisure activities either, but for a man to plan out a kevua thing of gambling/wasting time every week seems worth asking about.) There are other ways to unwind that are also mitzvos, like exercising, or helping pack for Tomchei Shabbos, or learning with at risk boys…basically something that’s a change of pace from work but also productive/growth-oriented.
(Side note but we have a neighbor who left kollel and is working in sales and really struggled for a while. He started learning l’shem shamayim with my son who has a lot of challenges, and bH his income took off and he’s now ka”h doing very very well! He should just continue to have brocha and hatzlocha and kol tuv! So should you and your dh, op.) |
Hashem also created enjoyment in this world for our pleasure.
לא בשמים היא.
We aren't malachim and it's okay to live and be human.
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amother
Buttercup
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Mon, Mar 07 2022, 7:24 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | oh please ! there is absolutely nothing halachically problematic or dubious about playing poker once a week with a couple of dollars. Men are allowed to relax after working hard and learning Torah. It’s no wonder that so many men are turning to addictions or getting depressed because they are “not allowed” to do anything. No wonder they bust |
This is not about relaxing. It’s about gambling. Even with small money. Maybe it’s called a Mishav leitzim? I’m not a rav. But I can not imagine that a rav would approve of gambling in a kavua way. At most, they would say maybe it’s technically ok but definitely not in the spirit of Kadesh Es atzmecha bemutar lach. I honestly don’t believe a rav would be ok with this. You can tell me your rav endorses this- and I’ll assume the community you're part of is very different than anything I’m used to.
(I do know of local volleyball games, basketball games, etc. but they are for groups of friends, not really open to outside people. Maybe he can ask around in shul or work and get invited.)
As a side point - discussing that something you posted is controversial, questionable, a halachic issue - is not nasty. Not everyone has to agree with you all the time. Not everyone who posts is right all the time. Being the OP, doesn’t mean you're now immune to criticism. If you post something inflammatory, you can bet someone will call you out on it or take issue with it.
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amother
Buttercup
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Mon, Mar 07 2022, 7:27 pm
| amother [ Lemonchiffon ] wrote: | Hashem also created enjoyment in this world for our pleasure.
לא בשמים היא.
We aren't malachim and it's okay to live and be human. | that does not have to include things that are hashkafically or halachically questionable.
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amother
Skyblue
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Mon, Mar 07 2022, 7:27 pm
| BrachaBatya wrote: | | People here can be SO JUDGMENTAL. It's gross. |
If you open a chumash and read a bit, you'll find it's pretty judgmental too.
Someone who gambles is pasul l'eidus, so just keep that in mind.
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amother
Daphne
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Mon, Mar 07 2022, 7:31 pm
| amother [ Skyblue ] wrote: | If you open a chumash and read a bit, you'll find it's pretty judgmental too.
Someone who gambles is pasul l'eidus, so just keep that in mind. |
Can you take your fake holiness out of here? She didn’t ask your opinion about Halacha.
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