Telling toddler about new baby?

it's true that I never actually told my children that I was pg, but come on - the older ones can't figure it out for themselves?! and when we left our children once in the wee hours of the morning with a note, they knew what was up.

Why wouldn't a person tell their kids? I mean, not until you are telling other people, but then? Once we started telling people (even quietly), we let the kids know, too. And yes, younger kids require more work, but don't they have a right to know? Sure, the big old tummy is likely to get some kids thinking, but some are completely oblivious.

So why wouldn't a mother tell her other kids, or give them the plan on what to expect when it happens (probably a week or two before, but why make it a surprise in a time that's already changing enough?!)

OP, I told my just-two year old and 4.5 year old, but it's not a big deal yet. As we get closer, I'm sure they'll feel the baby fighting for space when we read, or see my stomach do somersaults, and we'll talk more then, but I'm against making it a state secret and shocking them, especially if you will be going away for a while!

Platinum Member Joined: May 16 2005 Posts: 6262

I told my toddler when she was two, and I was four months pregnant. I tried to get her ready but getting her lots of books about siblings and discussing what would happen with her and buying her all the stuff babies have to her dolls. I really think it helped and although of course it was hard, she wasnt shocked and she was prepared as possible.

Diamond Member Joined: Apr 23 2007 Posts: 3308

Diamond Member Joined: Apr 23 2007 Posts: 3308

It's not about treating them like peers. Its about recognizing what a change is about to take place in their life and opening the lines for communication.

I agree with greentiger--it's not about being in a peer relationship with your kids. You aren't going to complain about pregnancy aches and pains with them, or ask their advice on something.

But you are going to be presenting them with a very real change in THEIR lives. They feel secure knowing how things are, and to just one day change everything, and without telling them or giving them any advance warning? Yikes!

Silver Member Joined: Nov 12 2006 Posts: 534

I always told my kids when I was 5-6 months pregnant and even if they didnt understand fully, my 2 year old son was always telling everyone that he has a baby in his stomach.
now that my kids are a little older I would rather them find out from me and dh then from someone else, like my family at the shabbos table or something.

Gold Member Joined: Dec 30 2008 Posts: 1154

That article was kind of overly dramatic, but I do agree with it's basic message. Older siblings are definitely affected by the arrival of a new baby, and they should be forewarned.
As soon as my pregnant belly became obvious to my 2yo DS, I started talking about the baby. He gave my belly hugs and kisses, and tried to give it his sippy cup...I also told him that when the baby comes out of my belly, I'm going to give the baby hugs, and I'm also going to give DS hugs, and I'll give the baby kisses, and I'll also give DS kisses, etc. etc.
My new baby is 10 weeks old, and so far he's shown very little jealousy, and loves to hug and kiss her, and "make nice." The biggest "problem" is trying to explain that it's nice he's wants to share, but she doesn't eat real food yet, while he's trying to shove a cookie down her throat.