Engagement ring question

Diamond Member Joined: Nov 11 2007 Posts: 3789

Two parts really.

Part One. Just curious:
Did you get to pick one out?
Did you not pick it out, but give some input as to your choice of style?
Did dh just give you a ring without your involvement or input? If so, was it bought for you or handed down from the family? Did you like it? If not, did you say something?

Part Two. Can I wear my new ring from my grandmother? Or am I obligated to reset and wear the stone DH gave me? Here are the specifics:
I've always hated my ring. It bears no resemblance to anything I would have chosen for myself. DH didn't have anything to do with it either. He just told his mother he wanted to get married and she gave him her mother's diamond, reset in a setting of her choice. The stone is small and chipped. The setting was bad from the start (the diamond kept coming loose) and is really a disaster now. I can't wear it at all. Which is fine by me and it's not as if DH is offended. But I know my MIL is. I just can't see spending good money to reset a chipped diamond that I hate. MIL thinks it's so special because it was her mothers. Now I have my grandmother's engagement ring which is more my taste, much bigger and more beautiful and really means something to me. DH tells me I should wear and enjoy it. I feel like MIL will be so upset with me. (Yes, she lives close by and will know).

Posted: Sun, Jan 25 2009, 4:26 am Post subject:

Have it reset into a pendant?
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Posted: Sun, Jan 25 2009, 4:29 am Post subject: re: Engagement ring question

what about having the diamond from your original ring cut down and added to yourgrandmothers ring's setting
yah it will cost money
but if you care that much to make you mil happy
or you could say that u did that (a white lie to make her happy....?)

Moderator Joined: Dec 04 2005 Posts: 6169 Location: israel

I have a ring that was handed down in dh's family. MIL had it reset at some point.

At first I wasn't that thrilled since it wasn't what I would have picked out myself. But it grew on me and was very special since it came from dh. I also understand it's uniqueness at this point. It is a round diamond set in a square setting...

My grandmother's ring is sitting a vault somewhere. I think it makes more sense to hand it down to a son to give to a DIL, but I have years to decide such things...

Platinum Member Joined: Mar 20 2005 Posts: 5262

on point 1) - Dh asked me if I wanted to pick out the engagement ring or him . I know it sounds weird but I didn't like the taste of the women who he kept taking with him to buy me presents so I said (a bit to fast:) I want to. The plus is I am artistic and wanted something unique. I got to design my own setting and to this day I love it.
On point 2)- Why don't you combine them. I would sit with a jeweler and have them sketch a few options with you. Or you could take her diamond and put it into another piece of jewelry.

Silver Member Joined: Sep 02 2008 Posts: 908

Isn't a diamond the hardest substance on earth? How did it get chipped??

Posted: Sun, Jan 25 2009, 10:31 am Post subject:

The night of the engagement my MIL called me into her room and showed me her MIL's engagement ring. She said that if I liked it I could reset it any way I wanted, if not they would get me a new ring.

I didn't even look and I honestly didn't care either way. They had a diamond as it is, I think it would have been pretty obnoxious to demand a whole new one.

The next day my husband and I went walking around Manhattan looking at different settings. I knew exactly what I wanted. I came home and drew a picture for my MIL's jeweler and he duplicated exactly using the stone from DH's grandmother. That was that.

As to your second question, you have to be happy with your ring, no one else. You can try explaining your feelings to your MIL but aside from that, it's your choice, you're the one that has to wear it. Why should you be unhappy?
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Silver Member Joined: Nov 12 2006 Posts: 534

Why not have your mil ring reset in a setting that is appropriate for your other hand. usually it is a ring with smaller diamonds then a regular diamond engagement ring. you can wear that one on your right hand and the ring from your grandmother on your left hand. this way your mil wont be offended and you will be able to wear both rings.

Posted: Sun, Jan 25 2009, 11:29 am Post subject: re: Engagement ring question

Point one: I picked it out myself, and I'm glad I was able to because I have very particular tastes when it comes to jewelry, and would NOT have liked the standard diamond ring at all.

Posted: Sun, Jan 25 2009, 11:57 am Post subject: re: Engagement ring question

Given that your MIL obviously feels strongly about her own mother's ring, she is likely to understand how you feel about your grandmother's. Could you wear your grandmother's on your right hand?

If MIL asks, you should explain to her that the setting has become loose, and you're very afraid of losing the stone, particularly in light of how much it means to the family. Express your intention to pass it down to your oldest son.

As to me ... my engagement ring belonged to DH's mother, who passed away relatively young (and DH married quite late by any standard). I have a diamond anniversary band that belonged to my grandmother, and another that belonged to my mother's sister. While I didn't pick out any of the settings, they're classic, and I love them. My mom's engagement ring is put away for my son. I'll have no problem with his future fiancee changing the setting (the same classic setting that I have), although I'd obviously prefer that she didn't. I certainly won't do it for them in advance.

Gold Member Joined: Oct 27 2006 Posts: 2416 Location: NY

To answer the first part of your question
I did not pick my ring out, my FIL picked out a few and then DH picked out the one he thought I'd like. I didn't tell him what I'd like in fact I didn't think I was getting a ring. When my husband gave it to me I couldn't believe it, it was beautiful and perfect-for sure something I would have picked out myself.

For the second part of your question
I agree with ahuvasmom. Why don't find out how you can have the diamond set into your grandmothers ring? That way you'll still be wearing both. I understand that your MIL feels her mothers ring is special but so is your grandmother's. If you can't wear the ring DH gave you, why not have the diamond placed into your other ring, the one you can wear?