School bus issues...dd is afraid. Help.

Hi Imamothers,

Posting anon so I am not recognized in my hometown.

My daughter is 8 and in 3rd grade at a BY school. She is very happy, b"H, in her class (there are 4 parallel classes in her grade).

Unfortunately the p.m. school bus is another story. At least three girls from her grade, but not of her class, are really picking on her. It started because our neighbor, the girl my dd used to sit with (who is older), can be very shy and seems standoffish. They were offended. My dd sits with some other girls usually now (as our neighbor doesn't always ride the bus). She tends to sit with the younger girls -- she is on the very young edge of her grade in any event, and has sort of taken over a 'caretaker' role from what I gather.

Last week she was tripped by one of these girls. Then the next day two of them started pushing and trying to hit one of dd's younger friends and dd told them to back off. They started trying to pull her hair ( Mad

)

I spoke with her 'chol' teacher today and the english principal, who were both very supportive and said it would be dealt with immediately -- b'H the school really has zero tolerance for bullying and I trust them to deal with it. However, dd is afraid they'll figure out it was she that told and try and exact retribution.

The kicker? One of the bullies is the daughter of a good friend of mine. I haven't brought it up with her yet, mainly because her daughter is one of the 'passive participaters' rather than an instigator, but clearly I will have to. I am not sure if I should let it be, while the school handles it and it doesn't come from me -- or take additional action on my own.

I would NEVER have thought this of this girl (my friend's daughter). In the past my dd and she have played together really well, etc. and seemed happy to get along and no problems. It was before this academic year though. Sigh. Any thoughts?

I have a similar situation in that the mother of one of the boys who picks on my son teaches in one of the schools where I work. I'm embarrassed to say that I've left it to my my husband to deal with, I took the easy way out. Embarassed

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Op why not tell your dd to sit somewhere else or why not you speak to those girls at eye level individaully yourself.
Tzena, atleast you have got your husband to deal with it smart, rather then to just leave it.

Gold Member Joined: Jul 11 2008 Posts: 1897

I think you may have a good opening to talk to you friend about her daughter since she was one of the passive ones.

Why not approach it that you are worried about the kids she is hanging out with. Reassure the mom that her daughter was not an active participant, but that you are worried that girls like that will pull her into their bullying behavior. She might be passively participating because she knows it could easily be her they turn on if she tries to protect her friend, she might be scared. This might be the perfect time to gather the good kids and help them make a united stand against the bad behavior. If her mom can make her see that the kind of behavior on the bus shows the true colors of the mean kids she (and others) might see that standing up for themselves and for others is the right thing to do. And that standing aside and watching others get bullied is not ok either.

Posted: Sun, Jan 18 2009, 10:28 pm Post subject:

speaking to the mother-in a nice, non-agressive way- may help. My dd was being treated extremely badly by the girls in her class. dd never complained, but other mothers who saw this told me about it. I was sure that the instigators mother would do nothing, but I called her anyway. I was wrong. she spoke to her daughter (and so did the mothers of those who went along w/ the instigator) and today, they are all good friends.
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