Confused About Asking For Heter

Posted: Tue, Jan 06 2009, 4:46 pm Post subject: Confused About Asking For Heter

we are MO but I am growing and want to take on more mitzvot, etc. dh does not want to do any more than the bare minimum. he wont ask rabbi's for anything.
we have, bh, 3 children and I cant handle a third. after the second, I wanted to divorce dh because he wouldnt help, im not going to get into that now, but basically I cannot handle any more.
anyways, after reading about getting heterim, I asked dh what he thought about me asking a rabbi, and he was like, harov kovea, our shul doesnt do these things, etc. but I want to move into a more observant type neighbourhood. im really confused, should I ask a rav?

you got ME confused!
1- you can grow even if your husdband doesn't follow. last time I check "ikar habayit" is the woman, and you can ask a rabbi yourself.
2- if the way your rabbi answers you does not seem right to you (I mean the way he relates to you and gives you an answer- I do not by any means am telling you to go "shopping for the psak you want), you can try and find another rabbi and switch to him- nowhere is it said you're bound to your local shul rav. you might also want to find a rebbetzin or other wise woman to share your pb with.
3 are you talking about BC heter? "harov kovea" etc does not seam to be a serious answer. BC is serious- lechumra and lekula. the psak has to do with your mental and physical health and the state of shalom bayit... what the majority of the world does is not relevant (even though it might affect the psak-but it shouldn't be the base of the answer)