Gan situation - WWYD

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 20 2006 Posts: 5705

Now I know I am overprotective in some situations so I want the general consensus if I should bring this up to the ganenet or not, and if so, how.
My son doesn't tell me a lot that goes on in gan and that's fine with me. However today we were walkign home from gan and he pointed to a black and blue mark on his forehead (which is puffed up a bit) and he told me "You know how this happened? X threw a block at me." Ok.... I tried to ascertain what happened then and it seemed that no one came over and did a thing. I wonder if they even noticed. Should I speak to the ganenet about it? Drop it? Why for either.

Gotta love ganim - last week a ganenet where my sister's kid goes, dislocated 2 different kids' arms at different times. The other sister's kid got crazy hurt in gan because some riding toy he was on outside totally collapsed. A tooth was broken, his gums split open... And he was crying and crying (this kid never cried once in gan) but they didn't call her. He fell asleep in gan, woke up and was still crying and they simply didn't call....

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 12 2007 Posts: 20487

Yes I would mention it, no I would not expect to be called. They call when the kid vomits/has fever/makes in his/her pants.

Posted: Sun, Nov 09 2008, 8:05 am Post subject:

I would bring it up, but carefully. Something along the lines of asking HOW it happened, not if they noticed. Their response will already tell you if they noticed (and very possibly how they dealt with it).

Also, I know my sons' maon won't tell me who the perpetrator was (or if he was the perpetrator, they won't tell me which child was the victim), so don't look for that kind of information either. I know that I don't always notice things right away, and we're often rushed at pick-up, so I very frequently ask questions the next morning when I drop them off.

You also have to know your own child (I'm sure you do, it was a general comment). Like I know that my 2 year old more often than not causes his own scratches and bruises, and if he comes home with something and it wasn't mentioned, it's most likely because there's nothing to say. But I ALWAYS get a phone call or a heads up if it's serious.
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Platinum Member Joined: Aug 20 2006 Posts: 5705

Forget abt being called. Being told at pickup would be nice. (And no, they don't call if kids make in their pants).

Anyway, I pulled more teeth and the situation isn't at all like he originally said. What happened is (as he says now) she threw the block, he cried, the teacher came over and asked him what happened, he said. The ganenet went to speak to the girl. Then she came back to him at some point, took his hand and took him to the table where she was with kids. Ok so if I was the ganenet I would have pacified the kid a bit etc but at least she related to him in her own way.
I dont expect these incidents to not happen - I too was a ganenet. I just wanted to know that they saw what happened and did SOMETHING about it. it seems they did so I am a lot more chilled.

As an aside, what do you mean how it happened. How did it happen? The kid picked up a block and threw it. I know which kid did it - he told me. (Not that I know the kid, or not that I really care unless it's a kid I know to be a trouble maker and this isn't one.)

I knew he didn't cause his own bruises but I wasn't sure if I heard the whole story with him. That is one reason (of several) I wanted to be a bit cautious with how I approached the gananot.

Posted: Sun, Nov 09 2008, 9:21 am Post subject:

When I say "how it happened" I mean that sometimes a child antagonizes another, and the result is a thrown block (or doll, or lego...).

My son has language delay issues (which we hope will soon be resolved), but in the meantime he gets very, very frustrated. This translates, despite our best efforts, and the maon's best efforts, into thrown objects. Not because he wants to hurt someone else, but because he's given up and he's frustrated.

Like I said, I often don't find out about things until the next day. If it's serious, I get a phone call or a note. If I don't hear about it immediately, then I'm not too concerned. It's not ideal, but I'd go nuts if they called over everything.

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 20 2006 Posts: 5705

My son at this point is still way too scared of other kids to think about antagonizing them

" If I don't hear about it immediately, then I'm not too concerned. "
Ummm ok, that's a way to go about it. But I tend to believe my son before the ganenet and if it sounds concerning I'll be concerned whether they are or not. I'm not saying to call over everything but there surely are things to call for. (I am not saying this is one...)

Posted: Sun, Nov 09 2008, 9:49 am Post subject:

For sure there are things to call for, and those I usually do get called about. My son can't yet tell me about this stuff, so your son is a much better source of information than mine, for example. I have no choice but to count on the staff to make me aware of any issues. It's not a choice of believing my son or the ganenet; my son can't tell me.

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 20 2006 Posts: 5705

I hear that.
Generally my son is a real story maker upper. He makes up so much. But it was apparent from seeing his head that this was true. Plus his stories are usually just about things people said - not this type of thing.
So odd... look I am happy at least she spoke to the perpetrator and tried in her own way to make my son feel better (walking off with him to whatever she was doing). I just dont get the Israeli mentality of not showing too much love or affection. Like I, as a ganenet would have held the kid for a few minutes, etc. I am not complaining bc she did do something. I just don't know what people think - the kid will suffer from too much love and attention?

Posted: Sun, Nov 09 2008, 1:07 pm Post subject:

I can't answer that for you, because I don't understand it either. Of course, I haven't seen much evidence of it, so it's hard for me to say.

Did you know, though, that it's not so "Israeli"? In many of the public school boards (at least in Canada) a teacher is FORBIDDEN to touch a child, of any age. The union forbids it because too many parents have chosen to make false accusations...

Posted: Mon, Nov 10 2008, 3:39 pm Post subject: re: Gan situation - WWYD

you said you would trust your son more than a ganenet?
just fyi- I am a ganenet, and if I listened to what the kids tell me, I would be reporting parents right and left!
just today a kid told me his father kept slamming the door on him until he was bleeding. just by watching this kid in gan, I know that he makes up tons of stories, and I would not believe that one.
also, I think someone mentined this before, but a lot of times, kids get hurt, becuase they provoke the other kid!

Platinum Member Joined: Aug 20 2006 Posts: 5705

Posted: Mon, Nov 10 2008, 5:47 pm Post subject:

We had a similar thing happen with bite marks. I would have liked a mention of it or something, not just be left to discover at bathtime that dd has a bite on her arm. The first I let slide as a one off, but when there was I second I mentioned it and B"H not only did the ganenet know all about it, she'd already sorted it out and the kid was gone anyway.

I felt pretty bad when a few weeks later I noticed that ds had a pretty fresh bite mark which could only have come from dd and I'd missed it happening!! Although ds is a tough guy and doesn't cry too much, but still! Things like that make me more understanding towards the ganenets!

Posted: Mon, Nov 10 2008, 6:01 pm Post subject:

hey even big boys get hurt ...
once I found out my son hit someone ...
the school didn't care ...
his parents didn't care ...
I was the only one who called attention to it ...
(lucky this wasn't my son's usual behavior - but he got fed up of the bullies)

you would think the teachers would notify parents ... just to know they are keeping tabs on the kids - it's a security issue ...
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