Tantrum in a 10 year old!?

Active Poster Joined: Oct 31 2006 Posts: 56

I am just curious about this. My son went over to his neighbor's today and the boy who is 10 years old had a tantrum larger than any I've ever seen with my own children or their friends (my kids are 2 and 4 years old). The tantrum was about the fact that my son was playing with a one of his favorite toys. The mom initially said okay but then took it away from my son b/c of the meltdown. The parents seem to give into the boy a lot. Is this within normal behavior and related to a very permissive parenting style or is likely that this child has a psychological or social problem?

Posted: Sun, Sep 28 2008, 8:18 pm Post subject: re: Tantrum in a 10 year old!?

It's hard to tell from your quick scenario but it sounds like it could be a child with permissive/overindulgent parents which can probably cause some socialization issues--what 10-year-old would want to play with a friend who acts like that??
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Posted: Sun, Sep 28 2008, 9:48 pm Post subject:

Yes, I know a kid like that. He went to a street fair with his brother a few streets away and then when he was done, he borrowed a cellphone from someone to call the mother and whine that he’s tired, and Abba should pick him up NOW! And Abba ran to pick him up by car.

Parents think they’re being so cool by giving so much for their kids and then it comes to haunt them when the kids enter the pre-teen years.
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Posted: Sun, Sep 28 2008, 10:22 pm Post subject: re: Tantrum in a 10 year old!?

sounds like the kid has huge emotional issues - unfortunately it is not always easy for the parents in these type of situations ...
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Active Poster Joined: Oct 31 2006 Posts: 56

Posted: Mon, Sep 29 2008, 1:26 pm Post subject: re: Tantrum in a 10 year old!?

I have a nephew like that or used to be like that. He has problems, but he goes to therapy and a special school. He's almost 13 and they're not sure what they're going to do when it comes time to read from the torah, because he can't.

Posted: Wed, Oct 01 2008, 3:57 pm Post subject: re: Tantrum in a 10 year old!?

Definitely assume there is a psychological or emotional problem. Some challenges that might cause a 10 year old to lose it that way are sensory sensitivity, ADHD and anxiety.

I learned the hard way in life that when people - kids or adults - behave out of line, it is often due to a medical condition.

Good to remind myself oevr and over again.

I would try to sympathize with this child's parents - say wow, he can be really challenging, right? You are so patient with him.
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Posted: Wed, Oct 01 2008, 4:03 pm Post subject: re: Tantrum in a 10 year old!?

Amother, the bar mitzvah boy can be encouraged to do whatever he can and feel comfortable with, like reading the haftara, or just saying the brachos, or participating in creating a dvar torah that can be printed and handed out at shul while someone else gets up to speak and praises him. One kid we know designed the cover of his invitaion and everyone made a big deal about it. Some kids record a single song and disks are distributed to the bar mitzva guests.

Help her think of some genuine way to support the boy emotionally and make his bar mitzvah a success story.

Diamond Member Joined: Jan 19 2005 Posts: 2560

mandksima u said it all. I have a nine yr old . he can act like an angel in one minete or be a real devil . the other. I cant control it. it depends on his mood. yes we can try to be strict all the time . but we really have to pick our battles. and it doesnt help that he looks like 14 and acts like 9 and sometimes like a 5 yr old.

Executive Member Joined: Jul 24 2008 Posts: 327

There is a great book out called the Explosive Child. It's supposed to do wonders in helping to understand, and cope with, explosive children ( the name given to kids who overreact big time to things that don't go their way.) Could be the child you describe needs medication as well, but it's definitely worth a try to read. Good Luck, and may Hashem give you the strength to deal with this.